#sithy

for being here everyday. for pushing me to talk. even if i don’t text back right away, you know that my love won’t stray too far away. thank you for measuring the broken bits of my disposable heart— like overused photos that have smudged poetry written on the back, the best things are always misunderstood and mixed with a hint of genuine fear of never making it back home safely.

for never missing a day to remind me that i’m special. sometimes when i think that i can’t go on, i realize that i’m so fucking stupid. i have so many kind-hearted people in my life that want me to succeed and do well. where did you guys come from? i’ve been trying to count my blessings more and more each day. sure, my life isn’t perfect... but i think there’s a lesson here for me to learn. i just can’t see it yet. one day, i’ll be ready to accept it and i’ll tell you all about it.

for being there when i was lost in the scariest part of my depression. lost in the woods with no way out. no exits. no entrances. you were there for me before i was even there for myself. you believed in me when i didn’t have a single drop of self-confidence inside of my veins. i was at my lowest point and i swear to you that no amount of shitty poetry and empty pill bottles could tell you how i really feel about the whole entire thing that is you. i can abandon all of the pain that was from a love that was a valuable experience for my growth, i can let go of my anxiety to never being able to understand myself because i was always so hard on myself, i can jot down everything beautiful from the moment i had my first smile with my grandpa to the last time i held my grandmother’s hands and she told me that she always wanted my dad to love my mom right— you are such a pure part of my eyes, i swear that when they sparkle the stars break apart their constellations and embrace me into formation as if i’ve never left home.

for catering to my thoughts. for feeding my ideas with passion. you are the volcanic activity, i am the lava overflowing— you are the ocean waves, i’m just a small sail boat that you won’t sink. for all of the breaths that we’ve shared, my heart is hopeful again, there’s love in the air and it looks like you and your lips hit their mark. you’re full of my favorite energy. like how when the sun is mentioned, the moon follows. we don’t need another day and night to fall in love. we just need to hear the tone of the evening. we just want to feel alive together. how many years did it take Rome to become Rome? i want to love you like that, but without the ending. i know that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but for all that it’s worth— i want to be the colors in your paintbrushes, i want to be the repeat button of your favorite songs, i want to know the dimple on the right side of your face, intimately.

thank you for having patience with me—

i realize now that my depression doesn’t have an off or on button. but if there was ever a way for me to look forward every single fucking day with a brave smile and straight face that says

“fuck yeah, i’m going to conquer today.”