#singleness

One thing I held onto however was the fact I LONGED to be married. If I was meant for singleness/celibacy, why was the desire to be married so strong? Scripture even says:

"...but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

- 1 Corinthians 7:9 (NKJV)

I think what people fail to see however are the verses before that:

"But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; "

-1 Corinthians 7:6-8 (NKJV)

For context Paul is talking about the principles of marriage. He actually starts this chapter by saying it is GOOD that a man never touch a woman.. BUT because of sexual immorality let them get married.

Singleness/celibacy, though not a commandment (Paul did state it was his opinion), is BETTER than marriage. It demonstrates a ton of self-control and allows you to focus on God and others more so than if you were married. Being married doesn't mean you can't focus on God however, your attention will be "split" by wanting to please your spouse and (if you have kids) take care of your kids etc.

Marriage IS beautiful. Where two people come together as one and (when done with the right intent), grow together more and more in Christ. It is better to have someone pick you up when you fall down.. you just don't NEED that someone to be a spouse.

What I'm getting at is this: If you are single and you desire to be married.. have you surrendered the possibility of not being married, to God? I see a lot of single people making an idol out of the idea of being married, the very THOUGHT of staying single/celibate sends them spiraling. Now don't get me wrong, if you have the desire to be married, you probably will be one day.. but what if you don't get married? Are you okay with that? Have you come to terms that what God wants for you is best, even if it doesn't align with your plans for yourself?

I was 25 when I met my now husband, 30 when we married. I had potential "relationships" before him but he was my first real boyfriend. Before I met him I had come to terms that I probably wasn't lovable (truth is I was lovable even without a bf/ spouse). That if I was meant to be single, that would be fine. God's will be done. My husband can say he also came to terms with similar before he met me. This was HARD. It wasn't easy, but we accepted it. We were both ready to be single the rest of our lives.

Now obviously God had other plans for us, but even those plans didn't match up with what we had. Specifically my own. I wanted to be married IMMEDIATELY but it took 5 years. 5 years of long distance where we grounded ourselves. Learned to communicate. Grew together (and we continue to grow). 5 years I'm so grateful for, even though it was hard.

*All views are my own from my understanding of the Word*

I made a choice to look at more Christian content on my socials and I do feel motivated by the prayers and encouragements that are shared. I think what has surprised me is how often singleness content comes up with young ladies being so transparent about how they struggle with – to put it mildly, the lack of romance in their lives. I am a person who has been single for all thirty something years of life. I last shared about how I was moving on from my ‘crush’ and how difficult that has been. I really haven’t allowed myself to think of liking anyone else, I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for that.

One thing’s for sure is that other Christian young ladies are definitely struggling with desire; whether it be for romance or for physical intimacy especially during a certain point in their cycles. I can definitely relate, it’s so easy to imagine running off into the sunset hand in hand with my dream man, and that’s just the tamest of daydreams. Sometimes, especially during a certain point in my cycle, the daydreams are not so tame. I have found the older I have gotten, the more difficult passing that phase in my cycle has become. The reason I am saying all this is because I came across a well-meaning woman saying a prayer on socials to ‘take away the desires until her and the other Christian women who struggle are married.’

God will not take the desires away. How do I know this? I know this because the Word says so. In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 it states, “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” The Word tells us how precious our bodies are to the Lord. We are where the Holy Spirit dwells and God takes sexual sin so seriously. The Word does not tell us to pray and fast against sexual immorality. It tells us to flee. The word flee means to ‘run away from a place or situation of danger.’ This shows you how serious sexual immorality is in the eyes of the Lord. Sexual immorality is literally a place of danger to our spirits. We cannot pray it away, we cannot fast it away, we cannot Bible study it away. We have to flee. Sexual sin is one category that Paul makes clear is the only sin that is done against one’s own self. Sexual sin is not just a physical thing, it can also be mental as well.

Jesus teaches on the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:28, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Jesus shows us that mentally thinking about a person lustfully is the same as it being physical. This is actually so deep. The harmless imagination of the man of your dreams and you in a lovely house with a picket fence on the surface might seem fine. It rarely often stays tame. It’s so easy especially when dating someone you find attractive or if there’s someone you like, for those daydreams to cross into lust. As much as it may be down to phases in the menstrual cycle, this does not make it okay to give into these daydreams. Jesus goes on in v29-30,” If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” I am clearly not saying start cutting off body parts. Jesus is preaching metaphorically. To paraphrase, what I believe He is saying is guard your eyes and your hands from what could lead you into sin. As ladies (and men) it’s so easy to be swept away by romance, there wouldn’t be a successful romance novel industry if this wasn’t accurate. Notice, Jesus didn’t tell us to pray lust away. He said in the harshest terms, cut off whatever is causing you to sin. These are commands. I do not write this as someone who has been triumphant in this area of my life, I struggle with this because it’s so hard. The Lord is calling me and every believer to have self-control, Galatians 5:22-23. I really believe Jesus being harsh here is to emphasise how important staying away from sexual sin is. It is better to forgo temporary enjoyment whether that’s the high of a lustful daydream or physical sex than to sin against your own body that is the Holy Spirit’s temple.

As believers our bodies do not belong to us. The world that tells us every choice is our own and we are in charge of our lives. Being a believer means surrendering our will for the Father’s, and that is difficult. I still haven’t gotten there yet but I thank God for grace. I never feel qualified to share these insights the Lord gives, but I am challenging myself to share them knowing that God is working on me and every believer as we continue on in Christ. I know this because the Word states in 2 Corinthians 3:18 “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.” This to me means that although we as believers are new creations in Christ and no longer have anything separating us from the Lord, the transformation (leaving behind old habits) doesn’t happen automatically, it is a constant process. I know this because ‘are being transformed’ is present tense, not past tense and not future tense. It is something always happening by the Spirit of the Lord to make us more like Christ. Let’s not get down on ourselves for ‘not being there’. We are being transformed by the grace of God. Amen!

In 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honour, not in passion of lust…” The will of God for us is for us to be holy which absolutely makes sense because we have a Holy Spirit that lives in us and regards us as His temple. In the aforementioned 1 Corinthians 6:20 it states, “For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” The Lord wants to be glorified in us, not just in our bodies by physically abstaining but also in our spirits by mentally abstaining from lust. This does not come by praying, God is calling us to action as ‘abstain’ is a verb. It is an action to abstain from sexual immorality and that looks like developing your self-control. God wants every Christian to control themselves in sanctification and honour. That sexual relationship with one you’re not married to is a sin and that lustful daydream is a sin. If you know that movie, that book or that individual will hinder your ability to abstain then cut it off! It’s really not as easy as it sounds, it’s so difficult.

God is more concerned about our growth in Him than our comfort. It would be easy for God to take feelings away but He chooses to use all things we go through for His glory. Is God the One sending us the desire? No. James 1:13, “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.”  God is not the One who tempts us. We are tempted by our own desires. I can only speak for ladies, but sometimes it really is just that time of the month where one’s body is screaming to be fruitful, this is biological and is completely natural. What do you do when the desire comes? Do we give into it and spend hours thinking about a dream man or do we call up so and so for physical connection? No. No. No. We practice self-control. May the Lord help us.