#shutupbella

For personal reasons i will suffer qi deviation and mysteriously disappear

Holy shit my life just became financial hell. I'm going to need to find a new job, and perhaps have to work more hours...

I'm 20 today. 8 years ago today, I promised myself that I wouldn't be alive for more than 2 years ago today. It's crazy, I guess. Happy Birthday, bitch.

Okay, so I need to ask like the 5 people who actually see my blog what they think of my situation. My mother asked me if I could move out by June, so my boyfriend and I are looking for an apartment. My sister, who is moving in with her boyfriend, offered for me to take over her apartment while the lease lasts until November. I took my friends out to the complex tonight, and it was nice. Apart from the gross-looking neighborhood, the apartment complex is actually nice and cute and well-kept. The apartment is perfect for me and my boyfriend, as far as space and cleanliness goes. The only problem is, as we were leaving, this weird dude came up to my friend and asked her if she wanted to "earn some money". She politely declined, but we were all weirded out. I'm bummed out because I don't think my friends will want to hang out there or anything anymore, they're really hypersensitive to that stuff (and I am too). So I'm trying to decide if the apartment is still a good choice, though we will only be there for a short while before we transfer to University. My sister also said that stuff never happened to her, and when my friend declined, the man moved on and walked away. I'm thinking if we do move, I'll take self-defense classes (if I can hopefully find an affordable one) and my boyfriend will set a good security plan up for it, making sure we're safe inside our apartment. But what do you guys think? Is it worth it, to move into the ideal apartment with the perfect space, but in a sketchy neighborhood?

Adult coloring books are so great omg. I got one a few days ago and I love it so much.

I feel so sick oh my gosh. I literally just got dressed for school, I’m about to walk out the door, and I’m soo queasy. I’d hate to go to school and throw up all day…

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to begin my 10k training. I've let myself go again. I got so caught up with work and school and socializing, that I forgot to set aside time for myself. It's not going to be that way anymore. By the end of this year, I'm going to be so athletic. I'm not happy like this. I'm not okay being big and insecure. I want to feel good about myself again, and that is exactly what I'm going to work on. If any of my friends read this, I want you to know that I love you all very much, but I need some time to work on myself. I can't be a good friend to you when I'm not being a good friend to myself. Don't get me wrong- I'm still making time for us. But please don't get mad when I say I need some time to myself, to work on my health and well being. I'm going to be able to run 6 miles nonstop by the end of the summer. That's the goal. I plan to reach this one.

My boyfriend actually spent $200 of his tax return on a bunch of high-end make up for me today, and when I asked him why he took me on a Sephora spree, he simply said "A Queen deserves to be pampered". I cried.