#shririus

Remus didn't remember his life before he got cursed. For all he knew he had been born in this castle and would most likely die in this castle because let's face it, who could ever love a monster like him? If you asked him, his chances to ever leave the castle were very slim. Saved by true love's first kiss.. yeah right.

He expected people to run away and leave him as soon as they discovered what he turned into when the moon stood high in the night sky. In fact, he'd seriously worry about anyone who didn't run away when they saw the monster that lay dormant while he pretended to be princess Remus Lupin, damsel in distress, just a normal human, every day.

He had his books and his plants and his fiery best friend Lily, who he had become rather close with over the years. At first, Remus had been annoyed by how protective Lily seemed of him, always fighting his battles and never letting him stand his own ground. But eventually he understood she only had his best interests at heart and was the most loyal friend any princess could wish for, so after several months of scorched eyebrows for Remus when Lily had lost her temper with him again, they set their differences aside and became friends.

Now he considered Lily his only best friend, and would do anything to protect her, just as she would always do anything to protect him and the cosy little life they had built together in their castle. It wasn't much, but they were content in each others company and Remus didn't see any reason why that should ever change.

They had a good system - some knight in shining armor would arrive to save Remus and Lily would make sure to only let through who she thought worthy of her best friend. So far that had led to every single knight returning to their kingdom unsuccessful, making up tales about the princess in the tower and the powerful dragon protecting her. None of them had ever even seen Remus, otherwise some might have been telling stories about a prince instead but in the end that's just semantics and none of that truly mattered when it came to it.

What mattered more to Remus was when one day all his protective measures failed and Lily got distracted by the knight's truly annoying and arrogant sidekick which resulted in a knight surprising Remus in his bedchamber just as he was about to take his 15th nap of the day (a true princess needs her beauty sleep, after all). He was lounging peacefully in his bed, about to fall asleep, when he heard steps and suddenly felt someone shake him less than gently.

"Wake up!!", the knight said and Remus looked at him, frightened.

"What?" he asked, and the knight replied, asking "Are you princess Remus?"

It is easy to assume that Remus had spent his entire life preparing himself for this moment, and that was partly true - there was a part of him that was a hopeless romantic, dreaming of a beautiful knight in shining armor coming to rescue him. That part was however routinely suppressed by the much, much louder part that told him he would never be worthy of anyone's love and would die as the monster he secretly was.

So when the moment came and the (only) most beautiful knight he had ever seen had made his way to Remus' bedchamber, all he managed to say was "I-I am. A-awaiting a knight uhm so bold as to uh rescue me? I guess?"

Not quite what Lily had made him rehearse but still so much better than how he had thought he would do, if he was being honest. At least what he had said was a grammatically correct sentence and made sense and he didn't just say the first thing that had come to his mind when he saw the prince, which had been "For fucks sake why are you so hot and I'm looking like a mess, lying here with my stuffed grindylow." or the second thing which had been "I'm so fucking gay". So all in all, Remus counted it as a win.

The knight smiled at him and said "Oh, that's nice. Now, let's go!" Go?? Go where??? Remus didn't want to go anywhere, not when he finally had a knight in his bedchamber!

"But wait, uh, sir knight? This uhm this be-eth our first meeting. Should it uhm not be a wonderful, romantic moment?" The knight replied with "Yeah, sorry dude, there's no time" while he was grabbing Remus' arm, and trying to get him to leave his bedchamber.

"Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed!" Remus was growing angrier now, he hadn't been planning on ever getting rescued but this definitely wasn't how he would have imagined it to go, on the few occasions he had allowed himself to fantasize about it.

The knight seemed amused by it all. "You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?" Remus didn't want to answer that, afraid of embarrassing himself, but he couldn't help it.

"We have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!" The knight still didn't seem to understand the importance of this moment for Remus, as he tried to drag him down the castle stairs.

"I don't think so" he said over his shoulder. Remus was getting impatient now, who did this knight think he was? And where the hell was Lily, she was supposed to defend the tower against exactly this type of person, Remus couldn't ever imagine this knight being his true love and he almost didn't want to be rescued anymore.

"Can I at least know the name of my champion?" he asked, clearly annoyed by the whole situation.

🦮 please enlighten us why the ogres were necessary with a communist ogre university snippet

Hi Em, I'd be more than happy to show you why it was necessary to make them ogres, here are three little snippets for you:

Remus looks up from the papers he’s grading. None of his students understand Marx like he does, so he’s glad for whatever distraction is knocking on his classroom door. “Come in!” he says and watches as the door opens and the most beautiful man ogre walks in. His green skin is unlike anything Remus has ever seen, so vibrant and beautiful. “Uhm hi, Professor Lupin? I’m Sirius Black, the new visiting PhD student from Hogrewarts. Professor McGogregall said you are the one to ask if I had any questions about Marx?” – “S-Sirius, nice to meet you, please, take a seat! I’d love to chat about Marx with you, what’s troubling you?” Remus’ heart is beating fast but he tries his best not to show how attractive he finds Sirius. After all, he’s a visitng PhD student and if he's interested in Marx, Remus is sure they will spend many afternoons together as colleagues, discussing Marx and talking about the bourgeogresie so he thinks it best to nip his ridiculous little crush in the bud. He has seen many beautiful men and ogres before and usually it only takes a few minutes of Marxist conversation until he realizes it would never work out with them, surely it will be the same with Sirius.

….

“... layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers... You get it? We both have layers. And you know what else has layers? Capitalist society! It's all connected!” Remus can’t help but make heart eyes at Sirius. Less than an hour into their first conversation, and the young man ogre has already managed to sweep him off his feet with a level of understanding of Marxist theogry he has never experienced before.

….

Sirius smiles at Remus and says “You know you’re cute when you talk about the Bourgeogresie?” Remus blushes, his cheeks turning a dark green and he’s left wondering how he’s ever supposed to teach Sirius anything now, when all he can think about is wanting to share his means of reprogreduction with him...

ADHHFDH THE NOISE I MADE!!!!

excellent question!

okay so my first instinct was to say vibemus but i think this needs deeper analysis:

I stand by the fact that Shririus is probably the least cursed out of the three and therefore probably least likely to kill a victorian child? Like I am no expert on victorian literature but I'm sure green ogres aren't that shocking to them, the homosexuality might be? But who realy knows? I think Shririus is fine, really.

Crabmus is definitely more cursed. I just googled the dates to get a rough idea and apparently the victorian era is 1837-1901 and the Little Mermaid was actually published in 1837 (coincindence? I think not!) so at least some victorian children were probably familiar with the original fairytale by Andersen. Now I don't remember if there are any specific crabs mentioned in the fairytale but I am going to assume Sebastian was mostly an addition by Disney. But then again stories about people who were transformed into animals and fall in love with people have been around for millenia, so if we're looking at it this way, Crabmus fits into the continuation of themes from ancient greek or roman myths, really is just a continuation of a great tradition/legacy and any smart victorian child would understand and cherish the story for that.

YES THANK YOU YOU GET IT!!!