How likely I think Naruto ships are to actually have kids
(In a reality where Kishimoto was for fucking real and didn’t throw everyone into heteronormative hell)
SasuSaku
Extremely likey. They would absolutely have kids. Probably more kids than canon. Would either of them want kids? Probably not. Would they feel obligated to? Most definitely. I think they would be decent parents (if Sasuke didn’t just fuck off, which I feel is actually decently likely) but there would be an undercurrent of obligation in most things they do.
(many more under cut)
NaruHina
Another extremely likely. In fact I even think these two would actually want kids. To me both would want to create the happy, nuclear family they never got to have, and so would actually be pretty happy as parents. In a realistic world Naruto would be much more present as well. He probably wouldn’t be the most responsible or knowledge parent, but he would without a doubt be there.
NejiTen
No. No oh my god no. Tenten is already extremely unlikely to actually settle down with someone, but even if she did (which I can see her doing with Neji under certain circumstances) she would nottt want kids. Wouldn’t know wtf to do with them either. Neji would be very on the fence about having children, and in the end it would fall on the state of the Hyuga branch family, and how much his partner wanted a child. Which, for Tenten, is not at all.
InoSaku
Okay I’m actually not too sure about this one. In a world where Sakura realizes she doesn’t have to marry a man and live in the miserable expectations her parents have for her, she probably wouldn’t want a child. If Ino wanted one, she would agree, but would probably become the Sasuke of the relationship, spending more time at the hospital than with her kid. She wouldn’t be completely absent, but not very present until the child is an adult. Ino, on the other hand, would very much want a child. One because she needs an heir to complete the next InoShikaCho generation, and two because I just feel like she would want to be a mother.
ShikaTema
These two would absolutely have a kid. Canon was pretty accurate with this one. Neither would really like being parents, but they would be decent at it anyway. Shikamaru would find it “a drag” but do it to appease the clan, and Temari would agree to appease Suna and add to their relations with Konoha. Her childhood would, however, make her so so scared of being a mom, and this fear would probably never fully go away.
NaruSasu
Extremely unlikely. Maybe they would adopt, but any adopted kid would end up being more Naruto’s kid than NaruSasu’s kid. If Sasuke couldn’t biologically have a child he straight-up would not care about having kids. He’d end up loving a child if he had it by obligation, but without that obligation he would heavily dislike the idea of being a father.
ObiRin
Very, very likely, in a world where Obito never got Madara-ed and Rin never died. Post-Madara would not be able to have a kid, and would not want to bring one into this world. Pre-Madara would adore the idea of having a child, specifically with Rin. Rin would… not want a kid. At all. I just cannot see her enjoying even the idea of a child. Not only would she be bringing that child into an almost guaranteed life of death and child soldier nonsense, but it’d probably feel very restricting for her. What if the kid turns out just like her? What if it’s nothing like her? Which would be worse? None of this would stop her from having a kid if Obito asked, though. Normal couples have normal kids to give to Konoha’s normal system of violence.
IruKaka
Iruka’s full time job is teaching children ages 6-12 and Kakashi couldn’t even handle taking care of three 12yr olds. Do you really think they’d have kids. They’re the obligatory empty-nester grandparents for all their students to drop their kids onto when they can’t find a babysitter.
GaaLee
Very likely. In fact I think they’d even enjoy being parents. They would absolutely adopt a child (maybe a couple) and spoil it with an overwhelming amount of love and care. The worst part about them as parents is that Gaara is extremely awkward as a parent (had to read 100 parenting books to feel almost kind of ready to have a child) and Lee is extremely overbearing. The embarrassing parents you don’t want to bring to open house or parent-teacher conferences.
InoSai
Also very likely. Ino would want a kid for the same reasons mentioned in the SakuIno section, and Sai would just go along with it. He doesn’t know if he actually wants a kid or not (because he never thought he’d actually get the opportunity to, and therefore never explored the idea) but the idea would grow on him the more the kid aged. Ino would probably end up doing most of the parenting when it’s a baby, though, because Sai doesn’t know wtf to do with that.
KakaObi
No. No no god no they would never. Kakashi wouldn’t want to raise a kid in the first place and Obito would feel like he “missed his chance.” Sometimes he’d fantasize about what it would be like to raise a child with Kakashi, but in reality he knows it wouldn’t be possible. Maybe in a world where Obito never got Madara-ed they would adopt a child (not a baby or toddler, but an older kid) but that’s not too likely either. Obito would have to spend years convincing Kakashi.
Jiratsu
They should not be allowed to raise a child I think.
ShizuTsu
Wait pause. Is this their ship name?? I’m not sure but if it is that’s fucking awesome it sounds like shitzu. Anyway they should also not be allowed to raise a child. I don’t think either of them would want a kid anyway, but if they actually had one nobody would be happy. It would just stress them the fuck out. Shizune would end up being it’s primary caretaker.
Kabuoro
Surprisingly likely. Boruto was pretty spot-on with Mitsuki and everything around him. However, the sanity of their child and everyone around them would heavily depend on what part of the timeline this happens during.
NaruSaku
Pretty likely. Sakura’s feelings on the kid and having it would be the same as if she had a child with Sasuke. Naruto would be overjoyed to have a kid at all, same as with Hinata, and might actually push Sakura to spend more time with it, or at least with them as a family. Would this work? Who knows. They would probably be one of the more stable families, at least later on in the child’s life.
KakaGai
They are already the fathers to five (previously six) rowdy children. Let them retire and live their old man (middle-aged) life together.
NaruSasuSaku
Honestly more likely than any of them paired without the third. The utter codependency these three would have as an actual couple could easily lead to them getting married (so they can really for sure be together forever) and having kids (just to cement that.) Their kid would actually turn out somewhat decent with the combined effort of all three. I can also see them adopting (probably a baby or young toddler, though) as I can imagine Sakura being more honest about not wanting to go through the effort of carrying a child for 9 months with these two. Well, that or she would be more motivated to. Either way Naruto would ask if it was possible for him to carry the baby for her (knowing she doesn’t want to). This would not be possible.
