#shitty thoughts

He proceeded to ask again in the same tone. Perhaps he should be worried with how your eyes were the only thing that moved to look at him yet your body seemingly still remains life-less on the very bed you both are on. And you simply hum back at him. He sighed before moving tad bit more closer to you, unsure if you want to be left alone or not. "Rough day?" He asked in a gentle manner, while still scrolling through his device. Trying to act casual.

You seemed to wonder while he waited patiently. And he waited, for long, until he can't. "So?.." and yet again all you do is hum back at him. Is he concerned? Yes, Does he want to shake you violently until you feel more alive like and answer him? also yes. After another few moments of silence he finally puts away his device and scoots closer to you. laying in front of you, not daring to hold you just yet, at least not until you want him too. "..." For a while you both silently looked at each other.. or at least he did, your eyes still seemed lost. And it bothers him to a great extent. "Are you... mad at me?" Well.., at least this seemed to have gotten your attention. Letting out a confused hum you scooted a bit more closer to him. "I asked if you are.. mad at me. Is it because I have been busy lately?" His tone didn't change once from the starting, as if he were talking to a child, slow and mellow. You slowly, almost barely, shook your head side to side as he gently moved the strands of hair behind your ear. "Then, what's the matter?" He whispered out as you close your eyes under the touch of his warm hand. The same hand that slides behind your head and gently pulls it closer to him.

And you instinctively wrap your arm around his chest while the other stays between you both. Silence falls over once again as you hear your own heartbeat within your ears. His hand gently patting your head until it stops. "I.. Miss you.." your voice was barely audible, eyes still closed, yet he heard you or at least you hope he did.

"Have I been far for too long?" You can feel the smugness present in his voice which brings a small smile on your face. "way too far" You mumble out, pulling him, wanting him even more close to you then he already was.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." He mumbled back while resting his chin above your head.

"Liar" Voice low, your eyes still closed as you tried to find warmth from his body.

"why would I lie?"

You didn't answer back.

His hand moved from behind your head to cup you face as he brought his face down to your face level.

"Look at me" It didn't sound like a request but rather a lingering tone of confusion.

This made you shake your head, denying his request, squeezing your already shut eyes even more.

"why not?" You didn't answer, just tried to pull him even more closer.

"hmm? Have I gotten ugly? thought you said you loved looking in my eyes" this earned him a light smack on his chest. He mocked out a grunt and a small "ow"

"Its not like that..." You whispered. And Honestly, you wanted too. To look in his pretty eyes, to look at his cute yet handsome face. To feel his warmth. To feel his warm breath on your body. To feel his warm hands hold you. To feel his cold finger tips sooth you. To feel his lip.. on you.

"Then look at me, or, let me look at you" "I would, but If I do-" You finally opened your eyes to look into his cause you wanted to, to look into his so bad, desperately wanting it to feel real.

and yet,

all you see is your pillow which you're holding on too like your life depends on it..

"I won't.. see you" You mumble out to no one in particular.

The room felt colder than ever, dark with no lights on, only being illuminated with the lights outside. The night sky being dulled due to clouds of pollution with almost no stars in view as you stare out.

For a few minutes you did nothing. Just stared out. Until you finally got up, head aching, eyes begging for sleep, chest heavy with emotions you can't explain.

Heading straight to your window/balcony, you stare out in nothingness, letting the breeze hit you face. Head filled with thoughts.

thoughts about a life you know isn't possible no matter what.

Yet, in the back of your mind, you feel him. Behind you, laying on your bed, sleeping peacefully and it swelled your heart with affection.

So you didn't turn to look at him. Just.. just not yet.

At least for a bit.

So you could feel less lonely.

A/n: Ehehe-.. So that happened :D Anyways I hope you found some peace reading this because I sure do feel a bit more peaceful after writing this. (I have an exam tomorrow and its almost 2 am) Ahem- so I kinda tried making it make more sense by not adding few details like the reader unable to feel his breath on their face and pure desperation to feel close only to feel his non-existing warmth and what not. I suck at writing :D Take care sweet people- good nighty