#shitty games

Chess but it’s also minesweeper.

I have played many shitty games. A LOT of them actually, it’s something I do regularly. I think it would be fun to talk of the most horrendous games I have ever played in my life, and the first one I will talk about is one I actually genuinely despise and that is Casper: Spirit Dimensions. First thing to know about this game is that it came into fruition after someone looked at how ghosts moved and thought, “Wow, this looks fun, let’s just implement this the wrong way at every possible opportunity.” The movement system in this game gives me an aneurysm. People sometimes dunk on the old resident evil games because of fixed camera and tank controls but this game really makes you FEEL like a stranded astronaut. You control your movement and camera SEPARATELY. This doesn’t seem so bad at first, flying games do that, until you realize that the camera moves MUCH slower than your movement. It makes you feel like every move you make has to be very deliberate or else you’ll just fly into a wall and have to stare at it in shame for a minute while you adjust the camera. The most frustrating thing is that the sprint button makes it so the camera follows you from behind, but it has a meter and you can’t just keep using that forever. Trust me, I tried. Some fucked up dev looked at power ups in this game and thought there wasn’t nearly enough, how can we make more? How about by making basic functions that Casper should have into power ups you have to look for? These fuckers turned off good homing mode in a game where the camera makes you feel like you have to manually turn your neck with your hands. You have to find a power up that temporarily gives you homing. The ability to turn intangible? Limited to three times and you only get 3 charges per level. If you fuck it up you have to search for another one. And god fucking help you if you can’t find the health pick up, because enemies in this game fuck you up. Also if you’re wondering why I put good in italics, it’s because you do get very minor homing but honestly it really doesn’t help that much. Speaking of combat, Combat in this game feels like I’m being beat up by a bunch of hyperactive kids and Im an elderly man with a cane. Very commonly, enemies will have projectiles and in order to hit them, you need to basically stop moving, which just leads to you NEEDING to take damage to beat an enemy. Some enemies are manageable, like the gargoyles in the first level. But the second level is where the game really hammers it in that you are fucked in almost every combat scenario. There are archer enemies that are on the ground, and these devs either never played the game or never thought anyone would even try to play past the second level. They will shoot you continuously and some have the ability to just send you sinking to the floor. I imagine this was designed as a way to force you to fight them but more often than not, you will run the other way because trying to shoot an enemy that from what I can remember will actually DODGE your attacks and can shoot way better than you is just a losing battle no matter how you slice the cake. Also, Casper is a pussy. I have to say it, he just is. He acts like a ten year old and I know he looks 10 but hes a fucking ghost, he’s like 200. His friend begs him to go and save all the ghosts because ghost hitler has just imprisoned all of them and he just goes “me? but im a tiny wittle baby i dont know how to fight....” Fuck this little ghost. Hes a 200 year old manbaby who tries to act like hes still 12. Newsflash asshole, you died of pneumonia 200 years ago. Real fact by the way. Basically, after typing this entire thing out sleep deprived and bored out of my mind, my final point is; I don’t think there’s a worse genuine game then this. And when I say genuine, I mean in the sense that a team of developers sat down and intended for this to be a game that people played and could enjoy. Not some sort of cash grab but an actual project. Games need a full stable basis or else you’ll just enrage some dude on the internet and 10 years later he writes a massive blog post about how shitty the game is to a small audience of people who had no idea this dark cloud dude was insane.

The best way to learn a language, it’s to have fun while learning, right ? So here’s a recommendation !

Do you know le Joueur du Grenier ? (the Gamer of the Attic)

They’re actually 2 guys (with a lot of friends) who do funny videos about shitty games. They’re geniuses when it comes to comedic aspects, it’s just incredible.

Bonus point : all their videos have french and english subtitles ! So no matter your level, you can definitely give it a try.

If you want a look into french culture, you should totally watch both “Les publicités” (french ads). It’s the worst of french ads (but it’s hilarious).

One of their recent videos is about Harry Potter, and you should really check it out :

Their videos called “RPG 2″ and “RPG 3″ are also really good ("RPG 1″ is a bit old, so not as great). “Les jeux de COMICS” are great too, by the way.