not even funny how true this is for me
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@distortedampersand
not even funny how true this is for me

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best feeling in the world is when you draw something and youβre so proud of it you have to stop and stare at it every few minutes to remind yourself of its beauty like narcissus with his reflection in the pond
Does sphinx!jon ever get nightmares?
sphinx jon is usually fresh from the hunt so he'd be most likely enjoying someone elses nightmare. however, he sometimes wanders into his kids dreams and gets a lil distressed ngl
happy pride month to the freakiest lesbian horses in the history of forever
when i was a tiny baby queer (aka a 24-year-old), i went to my first pride festival probably three months after i kicked ex-gay therapy to the curb and came out to my parents. being the people they are, my parents came with me. they werenβt really sure about this whole gay thing, but they loved me and wanted me to be safe and happy and wanted to be involved in what was important to me, so they came along. (i also think my mother still might have thought i might get drugged or murdered or beaten by a protester of which there were plenty.)
anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.
i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? whatβd you get? so i showed her, and i was like,Β βIβm not sure why itβs a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.β
and my mom, who was some form of ministerβs wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks iβm joking.
βWhat?β i say.
ββ¦itβs a cock and a pussy, Jules,β she says flatly, and that is the story of how i died at the age of 24 while attending my first pride festival.
I love how every June this one gets dug up and passed around again, lmao.
oh no is this what weβre doing now
β¦relicβ¦
*crumbles and blows away on the wind*

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it's important to yell "fuck you kill yourself" at the tv advertisements to counteract the mind control
A TOAD THE SIZE OF YOUR FIST.
Mother/son doodle.
A character trait/dynamic that I'm endlessly compelled by is someone dealing with (or, like, failing to) being the child of people who were too busy being good people to have the time and attention to be good parents. This can be anywhere from 'was a public defender who gave a shit working 60 hour weeks with basically no vacations' to 'left their family behind to join the revolution/war effort and is now a universally beloved martyr-hero who saved/remade the world with their final breath' on the groundedness spectrum. The important thing is a viscerally felt but confused and ugly mess of longing, resentment, and guilt about feeling the resentment.

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me: i have a very specific tumblr accent meme im thinking of that surely i should be able to pull up by searching the text in the meme
the most dogshit useless decimated search engine in the entire world:
i did find it btw but having a COMPUTER address me like itβs a person sent me into such an incandescent rage i nearly pitched my phone clear across the room
the sims will never not be one of the funniest games on the planet
adding to the pile of little colorful dragons i've been drawing lately
(also available on my kofi as adoptables!)
its pride month and im very burnt out from working in healthcare however i do love it for the ambiguity the uniform/masks offer. had a conversation with a patient after seeing him for a day or two where he was like
"Sorry, I don't mean to offend--"
Which of course, I brace for hell, since he is around 60, and i am a gangly cryptid that people usually struggle only to find the right slur to apply to. But i dutifully keep my work voice and go "nah nah, don't worry, what can I do?"
He hits me with "Are you--uh, I've been saying 'thank you ma'am' but are you... okay with that? What should I call you?"
And i live in a small conservative pocket within one of the most liberal states in the US, so my experience in public is varied. People have guessed, they've gone with she, he. they, they've awkwardly avoided it, but no stranger had ever asked me.
So i panicked and chuckled. This felt kind of like walking into a fake tumblr post. I said "Oh, you can call me whatever you want, its fine."
Any cis person would probably sound a little insulted. i knew i was confirming some kind of gender fuckery, but giving him the out that he didn't have to change anything. Fucker kindly smiles though, and like. Pounces. Asks, much more confidently, "But would you prefer sir? What are your pronouns?"
He's on script now, I'm astral projecting to a different plane where i'm a bug on a well lit microscope and my throat's a little tight all the sudden. I say, "Oh. I uh--I use they/them."
I use they or he, but 'they' is the language curveball. I know this, which is why i usually just let people use whatever. He nods, and I choke out (because its been a bad bad day, autoimmune flare pain on top of record high patient numbers) "Thanks. No one... has ever asked me. Have a good day."
He told me the same, I booked it, because the dim room was hiding watery eyes but not for much longer. Got it together in a nearby closet (ha) and moved on.
Came back later on in the evening because I had promised to visit when his wife was there earlier in the day. She's sweet, he's sweet, I do my usual spiel, he avoids any 'ma'am' studiously, but on me going to head out again, hits the dilemma of having no polite substitute for 'ma'am' or 'sir' that isnt gendered in some subtle way, and he's fucking trying, but this is not second nature obviously.
So what comes out is "Have a wonderful night, Them!"
Beaming, proud, right next to his extremely confused wife, who he seems to have not outted me to (nice) who now thinks he's probably having a stroke (funny, but not nice lmao)
Anyway, tldr, not adding to the well-meant bigot strawman theory, man wasn't a bigot, it was just. Nice, that in a sea of alt, visibly queer or vocally liberal people my age or younger who never thought to ask or just didn't want to deal with the awkwardness of stumbling through it... some lone dad guy decided 'good enough' wasn't enough and volunteered to correct himself.
Happy Pride Month everyone! Remember 4 months ago when the CEO of this platform harassed and chased a trans woman off this website just for posting her transition timeline, then chased her to other social media platforms to continue harassing her, and threatened to call the FBI if she continued disputing the multiple dubious terminations of her blogs that did not violate tumblr's terms of service in any way? And despite tumblr staff insisting that the CEO was acting against their interests, the broad transmisogyny evident in the site's culture and moderation policy has still not been adequately addressed?
Remember that staff is continuing to nuke the blogs of trans women even after all of this. Remember this post when they call this site the queerest place on the internet again this month
It's 2 years later. It's gotten worse. Happy pride month.

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happy birthday, gilbert baker. (june 2, 1951 β march 31, 2017)