it’s been a whole year so it’s time to mention this stuff again. 

hi, i’m nyx or eris, i’m an artist and i suffer from a few pain trauma injuries along  with fibromyalgia. it’s a bitch of a condition to have and i’ve been living with it (largely undiagnosed) since i was 15. for years and years i was discounted as faking being in pain to get out of things or it wasn’t serious enough to warrant getting out of things that day, in fact even with the diagnosis and the other injuries i’m still discounted as not doing enough or over exaggerating things when it feels like there’s a flaming chainsaw on my nerves daily. 

the notion that it wasn’t visible to anyone and i could only explain that i hurt made things hell for fucking years. i was faking to get outta school, i was just too lazy to deal with things that day or the notion that because i’m drawing i’m totally not in pain and suffering with something. it’s a lot to deal with and it’s still a massive struggle pushing past everything when that stuff still hurts, discounting the fact it still happens sucks too. chronic pain sucks at the end of the day and it’s likely never not gonna affect me the way it does now but, i’m going to keep pushing forward with stuff because i don’t know what to do otherwise. 

you shouldn’t be afraid of needing to get help with things like it, you shouldn’t have to come up with elaborate explanations when things are too fucking hard that day. it’s a real horrible thing to deal with and there isn’t a magic cure that will solve it as a problem. it is a real problem, it can be one of the worst things in your life for years but overall it isn’t all there is to you and you can get to points where its not the strongest factor in why you’re unable to handle daily life when it’s flared up badly. you’re still you despite dealing with it and there will always be more to you post chronic illnesses.

i mention pretty frequently in posts that i’m in pain, my hands acting up or i sometimes disappear for days, or sometimes for months. while some of that is down to some other arm trauma - a lot of problems stem from the fact i suffer from fibromyalgia. 

it’s basically a bitch and has been kicking my ass since i was 15, though the diagnosis was only - finally might i add - given a few years ago. it’s been a very difficult thing to deal with, and for a long time people were on the side that i was faking to get out of school, i wasn’t that ill because i wasn’t physically throwing my guts up even if i physically felt like i had been rag dolled by a truck. i still have people who have random quick fix ideas that will totally cure or improve my life with it despite the fact there is no actual consideration given to the fact i have it and often can’t do things because i’m in so much pain. i’ve frequently had bursts of it affect me when i was working (as in the cloud was so thick in multiple days i forgot what i was looking for by the time i’d gotten to the shelf), in conversations where i’ve lost my place or had things i’ve had to avoid doing because everything had become too excruciating and i needed to sit down.  

the fibromyalgia colour is purple, so i’ve chosen some of my work with purples as my work for this. my work defines me, not this condition. it affects me daily, every minute of every day is effected by what it does to me. i have periods where i can’t draw, i have times where i don’t want to because it’ll end up hurting. i’m not the same person i was before it started, i’ll never be someone who doesn’t have to deal with it because there is no cure - only management. to be honest i’m not the happiest at where i am because i do feel i could’ve done better, but i’m alright with that. i do want to be other people at times, being pain free and being able to draw as much as i want is top of the list on wishes for me. but i’m not a child who blows out wishes on dandelions or has someone magical who will make them come true. it won’t, i’ll have this for the rest of my life and while i hate it, i’m just happy i know what it actually is. 

you don’t need to go on forever without knowing, you shouldn’t need force yourself because someone doesn’t get it. fibromyalgia is serious, it’s lifelong, it hurts like a bitch and you’re not weak or lesser just because someone doesn’t get it and thinks you’re being lazy. you shouldn’t be afraid to say you can’t do something because you hurt so badly with no visible signs. i know we have points where we’re forced, where we have no choice, where we need to push ourselves to get further, but the stigma against conidiations like fibromyalgia are ridiculous. 

May is the month to educate and raise awareness about Fibromyalgia. Do you know someone who is suffering?

Mayo Clinic describes Fibromyalgia as a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain and spinal cord process painful and nonpainful signals.