#painrelief

When you're in too much pain to sleep and can't do anything else except lie there, so you scroll aimlessly, hoping it all goes away

Dear Womb,

I'm sorry for how long you screamed at me that you were suffocating.

I'm sorry for taking advantage of the time that you were healthy.

I'm sorry I didn't use that time to bravely procreate and give birth to what would have been a beautiful, complex, and deeply loved child.

I'm sorry I neglected you when you ached.

I'm sorry I treated the pain like it would go away on its own.

I'm sorry I didn't love you enough.

I'm sorry for the diseases that ravaged us for years and made us suffer in hellish ways spiritually beyond tears.

We were supposed to be a team, and I failed you because I was afraid to see what was happening inside.

The wars that we fought were bloody, brutal, and near-death.

I am so sorry for the countless cysts and engorged organs begging to be released from what became a torture chamber.

It was never supposed to be this way.

It wasn't supposed to make us so sick for as long as it did.

Endometriosis and Adenomyosis poisoned you, and I had no choice but to euthanize you, as if you were a pet without options and out of time.

My dear Sacral Chakra, I am so sorry.

It's not your fault.

I don't know that the fault is mine either, but it feels that way.

Stress and trauma slithered their way through you like a snake on a killing spree, and by the time I realized it, I had to remove you from me.

All that remains are my ovaries; to the right ovary, I'm so sorry for not protecting you and checking on you, but since you're still here, I promise to regularly examine you and the left ovary and ensure we keep cancer, cysts, and pain away from you as long as we live.

I love you still, I really do.

Please forgive me and please allow me to grieve you. I never wanted this ending for us. I will be tender with your scars and love all that was, love what still is, and do my best to use the extra space to regenerate the emptiness into creativity in place of the child that wasn't meant to enter the world through us.

Thank you for fighting as long as you did, and may we be in healthy alignment from here on out; because sweet womb, through, together, is the only way to bloom.

Forever,