#shejournals

August 18th, 2022 - Isaiah 41:10.

My last entry here, I talked about being here in Cebu City for my Internship Training Program. And look who’s about to finish her first two months here in Cebu and will be going home very soon? It’s me! I can’t wait to go home, be backed in the small city, and be with my family again. Within two months, I struggled. I felt angered. I felt excited. I felt disappointed. I felt a lot of things in that short amount of time. There were times when I became estranged to myself. I was confused and lost at the same time. My anxiety did not help either. But while I felt confused, lost, disappointed, and angry, I am also slowly changing. Unknowingly. 

Yesterday, I didn’t have a lot of patients decked under me so I got the chance to  do other things. The signal in our rehab is unstable which makes it difficult for me to scroll on social media. I was so bored so I went to the front desk, but someone was on duty at that time (only one intern at a time is allowed to be on the front desk). Nonetheless, I still asked my clinical instructor, Sir Babs, if I can sit on the other end, and he allowed it. But, because I am not the one who was in charged to the front desk, I have nothing else to do but stare to whoever comes in the clinic. Until I saw this book near me. I took it and started reading it out of boredom. 

I opened to a page and read Duc In Altum. It means “draw into the deep.” And the author said, to draw into the deep means to put out into the unknown, to explore a mystery. Reading this phrase really left an impression to me. Last month and the early weeks of August has placed me in so much anxiety. I was so stressed and helpless. 

One day, I realized that I was wasting so much of my time allowing other people to consume me. Thinking I will not always be where I am currently at, therefore, I need to make better decisions for myself. I still feel mad, but I want to focus more in helping my self grow. Let it be through mistakes or impulsiveness.

Today, I went to Seaside alone. I talked to a stranger, who is way older than me, an entrepreneur, and also from a different place-- both of us just wanting to stroll in the mall. We had this so random and nonstop conversation the entire ride while we both bid goodbyes with "Mag buag na ta. Nice meeting you."

You know what made that ride extra memorable for me? It was the fact that I was the one who initiated that conversation. I’m still bad in expressing and conversing, but I was a lot less awkward at that time. Maybe this is what travelers meant when they say that there is a beauty in exploring the world and talking to a stranger. You get to learn a thing or two from these people. And you’ll remember them without knowing their names ever-- just the stories you shared with each other. 

And while I’m in this Duc In Altum, I’m proud and happy that while I’m doing all these out of my comfort zone, my anxiety is asleep. I’m getting to know myself better these days and I’m looking forward to meet the person that I will become.

Isaiah 41:10, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Into the unknown,

August 8th, 2021 - Matthew 6:25-34

Dearest you, My scripture for today is Matthew 6:25-34. It is about God and Possessions where the Pagans who worries about what they're going to eat, what they're going to drink, or what they're going to wear. He said, "You cannot serve both God and money."

But my reflection isn't really about my worries with money, although, yes, I do worry about money. But I want to share something that really resonated in me after reading and understanding today's devotional. It's the little worries I had in my life. Mind you that I'm no expert when it comes to Bible scriptures nor to devotion and stuff. If you are looking for something more expert and deeper, I suggest you look for it through devotion platforms. This is my personal reflection that I wrote in my journal notebook early this morning that I would love to share to you.

Yesterday, my mother shared to me about the homily she listened from last Sunday's mass lead by Fr. Jerry Orbos SVD, a Divine Word Missionary. She told me that Fr. Jerry taught the attendees about the BTS.

For many, especially, ARMYs, would think of the popurlar korean boy-group, "Bangtan Boys". But that's not what she actually meant.

What Fr. Orbos meant about BTS is:

Believe in Him. Trust Him. Surrender all to Him.

He told them that in time of worries, always remember these three letters, B T S.

Last month, I'm worried whether I should join the face-to-face laboratory classes because honestly, I don't know if I can do it. I mean yes, it's so easy to go to school. After a year of online class, my brain and body can no longer remember how to do physical classes. My social anxiety could never! Also, let's admit that it's easier to pass the classes online because of many strategies you can do. I know you know what I mean. Iykyk. On the night of the deadline where we're asked to decide whether we'll participate online, I am having second thoughts. Fear and worries are bothering me. Until I asked God for answers. I prayed and prayed. Surprisingly, He answered right away. He told me, "When the time is right, I, the Lord will make it happen," obviously He didn't speak to me directly. It's from a post I saw the very moment I opened my social media.