#shakespearicles

Would Shakespearicles pay child support?

Really the sexy martial arts woman with the personality of a blank sheet of paper archetype is tired as all hell, and I think we can agree that it was never feminist for them to tell men that they hit like girls. It's like somebody willfully misinterpreted "strong female character" to mean literally strong, and hundreds of other writers frustratingly copied it to the point of the original phrase being totally incomprehensible. A strong female character means a character with an interesting personality, flaws, motivations, growth etc. If i said you should develop "strong writing skills" you wouldn't interpret it to mean you should starting lifting weights, but even if you did it would be totally pointless because you would never be able to beat Shakespearicles, the strongest writer who ever lived. He was the inventor of the two-story building, the stage play, America, and the Rocket Launcher. Despite his powerful grasp of language and the ability to bench press 700 British pounds, several inventions eluded his iron grip – most tragically among them, stairs. For the next three hundred years, people who needed to reach a building's second floor used the only method available: shooting a rocket launcher at their feet. Yes, it was ridiculous, crippling, and awful, but what are you going to do? Not go to the second floor? That’s where your bed is. Luckily, in 1857, a young bearded inventor named President Abraham Lincoln stumbled upon the answer: stairs. Unluckily, he never grasped the full import of his own invention, and died attempting to rocket jump up the world’s first staircase in his laboratory at Ford’s Theater. Horrified by this tragedy, mankind agreed never to invent anything again, turning its many scientists and scholars to that most noble endeavor, astrology. It would not be until 1921 when hotheaded Pisces Franklin D Roosevelt, languishing in a hospital after losing both of his legs in a rocket-jumping accident, stumbled upon Lincoln’s notes and perfected the modern staircase, freeing people from the tyranny of the second floor as Lincoln intended.

When will DW give us the servant we really want?