#sh:lexie

I’m meeting with Lexie at the cafe. Even though we work together, it’s still nice to have some time outside of work to hang out and chat. I tell her about my plans to go back to school.

“That’s awesome! I think that’s a really great idea.”

“You think so? I’m just so worried about balancing everything.”

“You’ve got this! You can handle anything that life throws at you.”

“That’s the thing, I feel like I can’t. After all, I dropped out after…”

“I broke your heart?”

“That and seeing Jimmy. It was all too much to deal with. Sorry, I know this is awkward.”

“Not at all. I was there, remember? You were so young then. You’ve grown a lot since then.”

“That’s true. I just hope I’ve grown enough to really focus on school this time.”

“I think you have the drive. It seems like this is really important to you.”

“It is. I’ve always thought about going back, but the timing was never right. Hell, it still isn’t.” 

“I don’t think it ever will be. There will always be other obligations when you have a family. But you have a supportive husband and a job that has your back.”

“I do, and it means the world to me. I just don’t want to be a failure.”

“Even if it doesn’t work out, you won’t be. Look at what you’ve accomplished without a degree. You have a lot to be proud of!”

“I guess that’s a good way to think about it. Thanks, Lexie! It means a lot to have your support.”

“Any time. Besides, you might be my boss one day. I have to get on your good side.”

We chat a little more about work before we head our separate ways. It feels good to have this discussion with Lexie. I think she’s always felt a little guilty about what happened when we broke up, even after all these years.

One good thing about my feud with Vaughn is that my coworkers have my back. I’ve worked with them for years, so they’re just as upset about how I’m being treated as I am. Unfortunately, Vaughn isn’t moved by their loyalty to me. If anything, it just makes him hate me more.

“He’s just jealous,” Lexie tells me one day during lunch. She’s one of my oldest friends here, so she’s definitely someone I can trust.

“That’s what everyone says when someone has it out for another person. Sometimes it’s just pure hatred.” I trust Lexie’s opinion, but I have to admit that she’s biased.

“Maybe, but he has a lot of reasons to envy you,” Lexie’s girlfriend Cammie points out.

“Oh? Why is that?” My ego could use a boost, so I’m happy to hear whatever she has to say.

“Well, you have a lot of friends here. Way more than Vaughn. And the viewers really like you.”

“Yeah, he’s probably upset that he never made it in front of the camera,” Lexie concurs. “Meanwhile, you went from a PA to a cast member pretty quickly.”

That is true. While Vaughn appeared briefly in a couple of our videos, he just doesn’t have the charisma it takes to be on-air talent. His job is pretty cushy, but there’s something special about making it onto the cast. A lot of people long for the spotlight, and I don’t doubt that Vaughn is one of them. 

“So what do I do?” Everyone’s view of Vaughn so far has been accurate, but their insights haven’t changed anything.

“There has to be a way to get him out,” Lexie muses. 

“I don’t want to play any games, though. I’d rather not stoop to his level.”

“Good idea,” Cammie says. “Honestly, I think it’s only a matter of time before Vaughn ruins things for himself. Jealousy is an ugly trait, and he’s bound to let it get to him.”

“That’s what my sister said.” Everyone is probably right; if Vaughn is that threatened by me, then it’s only a matter of time before he takes things too far. I’m not exactly excited about getting caught on the other end of it, though. Who knows how far he’ll be willing to take things. 

Previous | Beginning of Story | Beginning of Chapter | Next

By the time we started seriously considering adding to our family, Paul was in his first year as a Resident. He’d decided on Pediatrics as his specialty. This still meant lots of long hours for him.

Rachel was in the daycare at Sunny Side, so I got to see her often. I know it was hard on Paul to be away so much, but he did stop by my work on his lunch break to visit me and Rachel. 

As for me, I had finally transitioned from working behind the scenes as a production assistant at Sunny Side Productions to a role on-camera. I even got to pitch new ideas for videos on the channel, and a few of them got approved.

One idea I was nervous about presenting was the idea of having a podcast. This would give me my own show on the channel and put me more front and center, rather than being just a member of an ensemble.

I worried at first that upper management wouldn’t see me as capable of leading my own show, but my fears turned out to be unfounded as my podcast idea was approved.

We did a few trial runs with different cast members before deciding on who would join me for a permanent role on the show. Ultimately it was decided that Lucy would be my co-host and we would have rotating guests.

Lucy and I worked well together, and after a few years working as a producer, she was itching for more screen-time as well. This would allow her to keep her day job while still getting some time in the spotlight. 

We named our podcast Sunny Side After Dark and we were pleased to see it did well on the channel. People loved our banter, and we got to cover a wide range of topics that viewers found interesting. 

After I arrived home from my trip, it was back to reality. I dreaded coming back to work and facing Vaughn again, and for good reason; even though I used approved vacation time, he decided to give me a hard time about taking off and punished me by not casting me in any videos for the week. He claimed he’d forgotten when I’d be back, but I knew better than to believe him.

To make matters worse, the viewers were worried my absence meant I was no longer on the channel. Their disappointment only made Vaughn more angry. 

My friends were insulted on my behalf. Lexie, Chase, and Lacey stop me on my way out of our morning meeting to talk to me about it. 

“I think it’s time you escalate this to someone in the upper ranks,” Lacey tells me. 

“Lacey is right,” Chase agrees. “He’s only going to make things worse.”

“I know you don’t want to be the bad guy, but I think you’re well beyond that point,” Lexie chimes in.

“Don’t worry, guys,” I assure them. “I think I have enough documentation that I can talk to HR about it.”

“Talk to HR about what?” It’s Vaughn. He’s overheard our conversation and is making his way towards me.

“I think you know what,” Chase says.

“I was talking to Johnny. He doesn’t need his lackeys to run to his rescue.”

“No one’s running to my rescue, Vaughn. We can handle this like adults.”

“Can we? Because it seems to me like you’re talking to everyone but me about it. Why don’t you say it to my face?”

“I don’t have anything to say to you. If you did nothing wrong, then it doesn’t matter what I say to anyone else. Which is the truth, by the way.”

“Oh, but it does matter, Johnny. This is my job we’re talking about here. And you running your mouth is putting that in jeopardy.”

“No, your behavior is putting your job in jeopardy,” Lexie says.

“Shut the fuck up, Lexie.”

“Don’t talk to her like that.” I can feel the anger bubbling up inside me and try to push it down. No need to let him get under my skin; that’s what he wants.

“I’ll talk to her however I want!” Vaughn’s face is getting redder and redder. I can tell he’s getting ready to explode. “You know, you’re really pissing me off! I’m so fucking sick of you! When will you take the hint and fucking leave already!”

“You’re the one that no one likes–” Before I can get the sentence out fully, Vaughn lurches towards me and pushes me.

Shocked, I lose my balance and fall back onto the floor. I hear a series of gasps around the room. Lexie rushes to my side.

“Holy shit, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to–” Vaughn starts to apologize, but Chase cuts him off.

“Just go, Vaughn,” Chase tells him. Vaughn starts to walk away.

“Are you okay?” Lexie asks me. 

“I think so,” I tell her, rubbing my side. “Just a little sore.” Truthfully, the situation is pretty triggering given my past. I know I’m going to need some time. 

Vaughn and I are both sent home for the day–him for disciplinary reasons and me so I can recover. We’ll be able to tell our sides of the story tomorrow. Luckily there were plenty of witnesses, so I don’t think Vaughn is going to get away with this. 

10 Years Ago

The day Lexie and I met Cammie, we were hanging out outside of work on our lunch break. We liked to sit out there and people watch, making up stories about the lives of the people passing by. We considered it character work, good practice for whenever we'd finally make it onto the other side of the camera.

I spotted Cammie, dressed in a hot dog costume and singing about a local food stand. "C'mon down to Nate's! Where the dogs and fries taste great!" She sang and danced with reckless abandon, unbothered by how ridiculous she looked.

"Hey, look," I said to Lexie. "It's hot dog girl!"

Lexie crinkled her nose. "Hot dog girl? That sounds like some sort of internet meme that I shouldn't view in public."

"Not this time." I gestured in Cammie's direction. "It's just this girl who shills for Nate's Great Dogs N Fries. I wonder what life choices led to her dancing on a corner in a hot dog costume."

"Oh, I don't know," Lexie replied, seeming distracted. Normally she was all in on giving the people we saw new backstories, but this time she seemed hesitant.

"Maybe she's the mortal enemy of a guy with a hamburger stand," I offered. "Everyday she dresses in this costume just to taunt him. She probably doesn't even really work for Nate's." I started giggling at my own stupid story until I realized that I'd been spotted.

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed. "She sees us. I hope she doesn't think we're making fun of her."

"Well, you kinda are," Lexie pointed out. She glanced back at Cammie. "Maybe we could talk to her and smooth things over." I recognized the look in her eyes and realized why she didn't want to join in.

"Oh, you like her!"

"I do not. I don't even know her."

"So? You think she's hot. You've unlocked a new kink, and it's girls in weird costumes."

"You're so stupid."

"Hey, I'm not here to judge. In fact, let me help you out." I waved to Cammie, who stopped Blic-Bloc dancing and waved back enthusiastically.

"What are you doing?" Lexie asked, panicking slightly as Cammie jogged over to us.

"Don't worry, I've got this," I assured her. "Nice costume," I told Cammie.

"Thanks! Nate's is running a buy one dog, get one free promotion today if you're interested."

"Oh, sorry, we just had lunch. My friend here was just wondering where you got your costume." I nudged Lexie, who stood up to talk to Cammie.

"Uh, yeah," Lexie concurred. "We work for Sunny Side Productions, so we're always on the lookout for new costumes."

"Oh, cool! I love that channel! My ex-girlfriend got me into it."

I threw a look at Lexie.

"Your ex-girlfriend has good taste," Lexie said to Cammie.

Cammie laughed. "Well, sometimes. I have to get back to work before Nate catches me, but maybe you can stop by the stand later when you get hungry. I usually take a break around 4 if you'd like some company."

"Yeah, sure," Lexie agreed. She mouthed Thank you to me once Cammie looked away.

I hadn't anticipated setting my friend up with a girl in a hot dog costume when I woke up that morning, but sometimes life surprises you.

10 Years Ago

Lexie and Cammie were over and we were all enjoying the sunny day out on the lawn.

Things were going well between them. Working together didn't seem to be causing any issues in their relationship. In fact, it seemed it only made it stronger considering how well they got along.

I was glad about this. Not only was it nice seeing Lexie happy, but I was really starting to like Cammie. She reminded me of Paul in how she was always unabashedly herself.

"So, how are you liking being involved more in production now that Lucy's been out for a while?" Lexie asked me.

"It's cool," I replied. "It can be stressful when things don't go as planned, but it's nice having more control over things." Now that I had settled into having more responsibility, it was coming much easier to me.

"Here's the real question," Cammie began. "Which do you like more, working in production or being on camera?"

"That's a tough one," I admitted. "It was a lot of fun being in a video, but I also think it's fun pulling everything together behind the scenes."

"Maybe if you get to be on camera more, you'll have a better idea about which one you prefer," Lexie said.

"Maybe. I also have to think about which one is better for me in the long run."

"Look at you, thinking about the future," Lexie teased. "I'm impressed." She turned to Cammie. "I'm impressed by you, too. You've been doing great!"

"Aw, thank you!" Cammie blushed. "That means a lot coming from you. You're pretty talented yourself."

"'You're impressive,' 'No, you're impressive,'" I mimicked playfully.

The girls laughed.

Lexie put her arms around Cammie and gave her a kiss. "I can't help that I have an awesome girlfriend," she told me.

"Yeah, you're just jealous!" Cammie chimed in.

"A little bit, yeah. I mean, not because you're with my ex-girlfriend or anything, but because I'm single."

"Don't worry, you'll find a girl who actually likes guys one day," Lexie joked. "Or one that you're interested in. I'm still surprised things never went anywhere with Lacey."

"Yeah, I just wasn't feeling it. I kind of thought she'd end up with Paul or something since they got along so well."

"No way," Lexie laughed. "She isn't who he has his eye on."

"Oh? He's interested in someone? Who is it?"

Lexie looked at me pointedly.

"Wait, me?" I continued. "Paul likes me?"

Just then I saw Paul walking out of the garden area. I didn't believe I could be the person he was attracted to. Certainly I wasn't his type.

"Yeah, it's kind of obvious from how he looks at you," Lexie explained. You didn't know?"

"No, I had no idea. Are you sure? I just have a hard time believing that."

"Why is that?" Cammie questioned. "You're pretty attractive. You know, for a dude."

"Thanks. I don't know. I mean, look at him." My heart was starting to race at the thought of Paul being interested in me. He caught sight of me and I watched as his face lit up. I looked into his warm brown eyes and for the first time, I started to consider the possibility that our friendship could one day turn into something more.

After Lucy's maternity leave started, I ended up on set a lot more. Cammie had joined the team, and we were piloting a new series starring her and the students, who were in their senior year and officially interning at Sunny Side. Damien is big on giving chances to undiscovered talent, so I wasn't surprised that he was giving them a chance to be on camera.

I have to admit, though, that I was a bit envious that my friends got a chance to be in the public eye while I was stuck behind the scenes. After all, I was supposed to be graduating with them, and who's to say I wouldn't have been interning right along with them?

It turns out that didn't matter too much. One day Kelsey was out sick, and our director, Flora, asked me to step in.

I was a bit nervous, but being there with my friends made it a lot easier. Our familiarity with each other meant we were able to keep the jokes flowing with ease. Plus, I was pretty good at the card game we were playing. Before long, Cammie and I were the last two standing.

"What's the matter? Your hand sucks?" Cammie teased as I pondered my final move.

"Hardly," I scoffed. "I'm just trying to see which combination I want to annihilate you with." I placed my chosen cards--a rare spread that would win the game in most cases--on the table with confidence.

"Oh no, Cammie," Chase said. "I don't think you're going to be able to beat that one."

"Let's give her a chance," Lexie interjected. "She crushed us in Don't Wake the Llama last week."

"We all have to lose sometime," was my response. "It looks like that's what Cammie will be doing this week."

We all watched eagerly as Cammie made her final selection, the one that would determine which one of us would walk away with our head held high, and which one would skulk away in shame. As she prepared to put her cards down, an evil grin crept across her face.

"It looks like you're wrong," she countered menacingly. She placed her cards down, and to my dismay, it was a play even more powerful than mine. "I win!" Cammie cackled.

"Wow, well played!" Izzy exclaimed as the others clapped for Cammie's brutal victory.

"Way to go Cammie!" Lexie cheered. "Sorry, Johnny, maybe next time!"

"I guess today was your lucky day," I told Cammie.

"Luck has nothing to do with it," she replied, flipping her hair behind her shoulder. "That was all skill, baby."

After Chase did the outro, Flora had high praise for us. She seemed confident that the audience would love our rapport with each other. I hoped that meant I'd be invited back on camera.

Later that night, I remember what Lexie said about not letting any opportunities to get away from me and decide I should try to find a way to get Lacey alone.

I just can't find the right moment. It seems like one of us is always heading off into our tent for a nap or busy eating or caught up in conversation with someone else.

It doesn't help that Lexie keeps looking at me expectantly. It feels like everyone else is waiting for me to make my move and having all eyes on me just adds to the pressure.

At one point we're all gathered around the campfire when Lacey starts asking Paul about school.

"Are you planning on staying at Foxbury for med school?" she inquires.

"No, actually I was accepted into Sequoia State," he explains. "I'm going to take my last few courses at Foxbury over the summer, then I'm moving here in the fall."

"Oh, that's cool! I guess we'll be seeing you around more then."

I feel my stomach drop a bit and decide I should intervene before Lacey and Paul start making plans together. Lacey starts coughing and I seize the opportunity.

"I could use some fresh air," I break in. "Sounds like you could, too, Lacey."

"Yeah, that would be nice," she replies, and we walk away from the others.

"I hope you don't mind that I singled you out, but I thought you could use a break from the smoke," I tell her.

"Oh, no, that's fine," she responds. "Actually, I was hoping we would get the chance to be alone."

"You were?"

"Don't act so surprised," she says, a smile spreading across her face. "I thought it was obvious I was into you."

"Well, I guess I wasn't sure. Actually, I thought you might be interested in Paul."

She wrinkles her nose. "Paul? He's nice and all, but he's not really my type. He can be kind of a dork sometimes."

"He's not that bad," I say before realizing I'm defending the guy I've been insecure about. "Anyway, what is your type?"

"Well, I like a guy who can make me laugh. Someone who's comfortable being himself and goes for what he wants."

This would be the perfect moment for me to ask her out or kiss her or something, but none of that happens. Instead we're interrupted by the ungodly sound of someone retching their guts out behind us.

We turn to see Lucy hunched over and violently expelling the contents of her stomach onto the ground. Any chance of a romantic moment happening tonight is effectively ruined.

We walk back towards the others, who are gathered around Lucy in concern.

"Are you okay?" Paul asks her. He runs down a list a symptoms but Lucy denies that anything's wrong.

"I'm fine, really," she insists, like she hadn't just recreated a scene from The Exorcist in the middle of the woods.

"Oh, so you expelled the demon, then?" I ask.

"Yes, Pazuzu has left the building."

In the morning we start packing up and prepare to leave.

"So did you do it?" Lexie asks, referring to me asking Lacey on a date.

"No. I was about to, but then Lucy...you know. Kinda ruined the moment."

Lexie laughs. "Yeah, that would do it."

"But look, I need you to lay off a bit about Lacey," I say, kindly but firmly. "I know you mean well, but it's a lot of pressure."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I know I'm being overzealous. I just want you to be happy."

"And I will be. I am. I had a rough few months, but I'm in a really good place right now."

"That's great! I guess I just felt guilty about everything. I hate that I hurt you."

"I know. But I don't even think about that much anymore. I mostly think about how much you cared about and supported me. Maybe your feelings for me weren't romantic, but they were still real."

"They were, and still are. You're like the brother I never had, and I miss you like crazy." She's starting to tear up, and I know now that whatever negative feelings I had about our breakup are gone. They left the building with Pazuzu.

"I miss you, too. I don't like not having you in my life." I wrap my arms around her. It feels nice having her in my arms again, but it's not a romantic feeling. It's more like the comfort of an old friend.

"I really do love you, Johnny."

"I love you, too, Lexie."