#sfth mark

soapbox before like we get into it into it, i think there is a lot of lowkey ableism towards mark, but that’s been talked about by much smarter people than me, so this is just a more general check yourself on why you feel comfortable demonizing him and being more mindful of that

and in that same vein like i also want to make a note from like a writer’s perspective that it’s weird to make mark the only obstacle in getting to happy lesbians, i’ve said it before that it’s cheap, but also speaks to a wider issue of not giving women complexities and conflict and agency

like for how beautiful the relationship of clamanda is i really hardly see tension outside of “unrequited” love and occasionally internalized homophobia being written in things like fics and my pitch instead is that we should all be making these characters worse actually and let them be more flawed (aka lesbians and women generally deserve to not be perfect and still worthy of love) (but also they deserve to be more than just in love with each other)

anyways so i think an unexplored part of clarissa’s character is like her struggles, sacrifices, and guilt regarding her mother, given that her mom is very ill and she is an only daughter so like we’re playing with feelings of not being there enough, worry over just how much time is left, and even like “robbing” her mother of grandchildren and such (to me clarissa does feel like someone who would be interested in having kids)

i think there’s also a really interesting push and pull between like mid 20s wanting to explore the world and live your own life clashing with responsibility, as well as generally clarissa’s more optimist sunshine demeanor contrasted by the seriousness of like losing your mother and illness

like imagine clarissa when her mother does eventually pass considering like how hectic of a time it’d be in her life cause it’d likely be a bit after her wedding in canon and she’s also dealing with just how stressful it is to be an actual adult with expectations and needing to have your shit together and also there’s a possibility after the wedding that amanda started to distance herself a little (in trying to move on seeing that any chance she might’ve had with clarissa is gone) so like all of that would definitely lead to a break cause it’s just an incredible amount of stress and emotions

i think if amanda had started to pull away, clarissa would definitely reach out after trying to handle it on her own but not being able to, and this would spark them reuniting and being part of each other’s lives again

and it’s also interesting exploring like ms jenkins’ relationship to amanda cause like clarissa is leaning on amanda’s experience of losing a mother (which in my head ms wilson passed when she was young) but like i definitely think given the fact the two have been friends since kids that they saw the other’s parents as pseudo parental figures so there’s that layer of amanda comforting clarissa while also dealing with her own grief of losing a mother for the second time

the difference is that clarissa also has mark now (in my head amanda and mark have never been close, mostly on amanda’s part due to jealousy, though i think mark would actually find amanda kinda cool like that girl you aspirationally looked up to in hs), and mark and ms jenkins also seem to have some sort of familiarity with each other thanks to the greeting in canon so like narrative foils wise both amanda and mark have lost their biological mothers young and are grieving clarissa’s mother who served as a replacement maternal figure for them and it’s in that which would be a narratively cool moment of bonding that lets them bridge an emotional closeness to maybe one day becoming friends

and then on the flipside of all of this there’s mr wilson and his relationship to mark and clarissa and amanda

i think amanda and mr wilson have an like extremely close relationship like especially after the passing of amanda’s mother i could see them forming a much deeper bond in like the sense of we have to appreciate the people we have left after a death

and then like we have clarissa who (in my head has a father who left before she ever knew him) would definitely see mr wilson as a father figure in her life and i could see the two of them talking as well after clarissa’s mother has passed

mark, considering the only two male role models in his life are his shitty abusive dad and father (wordplay angst my beloved) petrova who’s yk a dick, gaining like an actually supportive and kind paternal figure in his life by proxy is like something that has my entire heart (minor points from this: 1. fathers being something that i could see like early just began dating clarissa and mark having a moment over and 2. it’s something that brings amanda and mark closer together too and 3. there’s also a very interesting dynamic of like mr wilson and his own feelings towards mark given the proposal and clarissa who’s like a second daughter to him even if the reaction was a valid trauma response but like mr wilson wouldn't have the context for that and there’s a conversation there of mark opening up and being accepted and supported by mr wilson when he does which mark would definitely not be used to)

and like in a more general sense in relation to the pizza restaurant, i think about like how it used to be a church and what that represents given mark’s religious trauma (presumably he hadn’t stepped foot into the church since his mother’s passing, and the only reason he did was after the proposal aka it was for clarissa) to get married in like a church (something that name wise was only ever a place of hurt) that was turned instead into a place of actual community and a support system and where someone (clarissa) had chosen him as a person worth staying with even through like hard moments

like this urban contrast of local pizza booth providing him more comfort than sitting on a pew ever could

(though i will underscore that i’m not making a wider critique on religion, or saying that you can’t have community or support in a church, but more like in cdiyw canon the church there clearly is not it, and also i did not grow up christian so i can’t really speak perfectly on that)

also like just everything about mr wilson doing so much for clarissa so she could get married (even like if he didn’t quite understand what the wedding was exactly for) and that support too like having an adult figure who’s taking care of her and not the other way around

like i think about clarissa and amanda growing up in her dad's shop and that city energy of you aren't the main character but also sometimes the lights give you the spotlight and like after the fucked proposal that dynamic of an entire restaurant trying to chip in on how clarissa should win mark back is like peak city atmosphere in my mind and there’s that kinda freedom to toss ideas and speak out contrasted by like the more stuffy silent church sermons and that overall atmosphere

shifting gears, i think amanda and mark are a really cool dynamic like to me amanda is the oldest of the group and mark is the youngest (which idk might just be the fact tom is the oldest and aj is the youngest getting to my brain there) but like there’s a really cute older sister/younger brother relationship to explore and like a protectiveness i can see amanda having (where clarissa is the bleeding heart, amanda keeps hers more guarded, but like i very much see a deep devotion in her to whoever she lets in which is why she’d absolutely come back when clarissa calls about her mother)

like to me both mark and amanda have complex feelings over not being enough for someone else (seen in like amanda not being chosen by clarissa (unless you’re like me and will always fight for polyamory) and mark’s like everything basically) that would absolutely make amanda only hate him more on initial meeting seeing the like recognizing like but would make mark view amanda in a much more human way beyond like clarissa’s friend

i need more time to begin talking about amanda and clarissa and like their relationship to sacrifice, or mark with his again everything so i’m just gonna leave it off here

Ding-dong!

Amanda whipped her head around to the door, stopping her sweeping to run to the counter. She needed to hire more people; she couldn't keep doing this, making a fool of herself, especially when there was a gorgeous woman in front of her.

That woman was her best friend, Clarissa.

Clarissa always came around and supported Bedazzled Coffee ever since its beginnings. When Amanda proudly declared to be like her father and run her very own business all those years ago, Clarissa was immediately on board. She helped sketch out and daydream the cafe plans.  She had been her very first customer, taste-testing drinks in the pizza dinner’s kitchen. She tried to pitch in to the start-up money from time to time, but being the broke student she was, she couldn’t help as much. Even when they got the cafe up and running, she would drop by to grab a latte (with oat milk) or help out for a while. 

It seemed like today she was just an ordinary customer. With a date. 

There beside her was a man with no hair, and was around an inch taller than Amanda. He wore very plain attire. He clearly worked out, guessing from his muscles. She had always had the type for gymbros. That wouldn’t be much of a problem if they weren’t dicks fifty percent of the time.

Now, Amanda knew that Clarissa was straight, but that didn’t stop her from pining for her for years. It was a stupid thing really. Jealousy boiled inside her every time her best friend introduced one her new boyfriends. This was no exception. She tensed up and smiled, bringing out her customer service voice.

“How can I help you today?”

“Amanda! How have you been? I’ll have just my regular please with three churros on the side.” The brunette nodded, trying to avoid eye contact with the both of them. She tapped it into the register. “Mark, What do you want? Oh right! Amanda, this is Mark, my date for today. Mark, this is Amanda, my best friend.” 

So, not boyfriend yet. Good to know.

“Hello.” She said bluntly. 

The other waved awkwardly. “Um- I’ll get a macchiato please,”

“Is that all?” They nodded. “That’ll be —” The blonde immediately stepped in to pay for it like she always did. A Clarissa-worthy person would step up and offer to pay for her. Mark didn’t even move an inch. A coward, she remarked in her head.

  They took a seat and Amanda started to make their drinks. During the preparation process, all she could think about was him. Mark didn’t deserve her. Well, maybe he did. Only time will tell. She might have been too quick to judge. She wanted only the best for her best friend. 

She was so distracted that she accidentally poured some of the hot coffee on her finger. She scowled. She was familiar with the burning sensation, but it still hurt quite a lot. She frantically grabbed a napkin and wrapped it around it. It was only temporary until she had time to spare (or when Alys came back from her break. Seriously, where was that girl?) She was already too far behind, with a line forming at the register.

She quickly placed the lid on their drinks and called out, “Latte, churros and a macchiato for Clarissa and Mark!”

Clarissa perked up and happily walked over to collect her drinks, still making conversation with the man beside her. Her soft fingers seemed to linger on the cup for a moment.“Thanks, Amanda. You’re the best.” 

But that still isn’t good enough. “I know,” She smirked, making the other giggle. She missed this kind of banter.

to figure out their differences we first have to look at their similarities. both characters are very strong-willed, vocal people, unafraid of being accusatory, with one of their most defining behavioural traits being that they're very quick to action. so how does this play out?

our first introduction to mark is the proposal scene, where his reaction to clarissa suzanne saying "i'm sorry that you don't have a great relationship with your parents" after having taken the phone call is immediately calling off the proposal, impulsively throwing the ring away finishing off by going "you always knew how to make me feel small". he then storms off, hitting a rock on his way and emotional, yells out "who fucking put that rock there!? who did it?". this tells us a lot about his way of dealing with emotions, his relationship and certain social situations.

because of the nature of toxic masculinity, a lot of men aren't taught how to properly identify, deal with or feel their emotions. because of this, a lot of men struggle with processing their emotions and a common product of this is men 'replacing' these things with actions. instead of identifying an emotion they might respond with "i feel like i need to hit something" when asked how they're feeling, instead of processing an emotion through introspection they might distract themselves, engaging with things that divert them from the emotion, from the discomfort, and with these two combined they now fully distance themselves from actually feeling the emotion at all. i see all of this in mark.

we also learn that his relationship to his parents isn't great which leads me to the assumption that he doesn't have, or hasn't had, a strong support system growing up to give him the tools to properly deal with situations and emotions like these. and lo and behold the next scene we are given is him returning home to his drunk father, where he's met with a very similar exchange. he tries to take charge of the situation, not wanting to engage with his dad's comments but just head to his room, or proposing. the other part then denies him this control, his dad by ignoring his attempts of ending the conversation and clarissa by taking the phone call, and lastly he is provoked into an extreme outburst of actions as he speaks up for himself and, in the scene with his father, goes in for a punch.

our first introduction to amanda on the other hand is her comforting clarissa suzanne at the pizzeria. we find her holding clarissa, who's crying, actively listening as she lets her speak. she gently interrupts when clarissa repeatedly calls herself stupid, shutting it down and saying "what kind of self-talk is that?". with this we see her acting fully supportive of clarissa *by* challenging her views and feelings. as she responds with "i don't know, i just feel like shit right now" we see this question allow clarissa to confront her own emotions, starting to identify what she's feeling and why she's reacting the way she is. with both statements she's expressing her feelings but one is far more helpful than the other in terms of dealing with them and working through it. having identified the current issue, amanda can then adjust her approach by being uplifting, saying "you're not shit" and continuing on this slight tangent to make her point. now this could seem like deflecting, but in this she is lightening the mood and showing affection, communicating that she's there for clarissa, that she doesn't think she's stupid and that she wants her to feel better. and with clarissas best interest in mind she once again makes her point with "you're more than mark". she is simultaneously being supportive of her friend and questioning her mindset.

meeting amanda like this we are presented with seemingly very stark differences between her and mark. when clarissa tried to communicate her feelings to mark he was unwilling to try and see her point of view but here, with amanda, she's able to act the exact same way while getting a wildly different response. or so it seems. you see, while the two pairs have created entirely different environments for eachother there is only one thing that sets the two apart, emotional support. both mark and amanda are expressing accusatory opposition in response to clarissa, one is just doing it along with proper support and understanding. and so as the scene continues and we see more of amanda we find her acting very similarly to mark.

but my breakdown so far being of only this snippet, does paint amanda as this rather 'perfect person', and that of course, is not the whole truth. while this conversation definitely includes amanda showing signs of emotional intelligence she's also quick to lose her patience, just like mark. when clarissa fails and/or refuses to actually take in amandas advice of working on herself before working to get back mark, we get another example of a person who typically wants to be in charge of the situation being denied that power and she suddenly goes from just helping clarissa deal with her emotions to having to deal with her own emotions as well. not only does this showcase the first of their many shared attributes, it also shows us the first sign of their shared struggles.

mark both shows and voices how he's continuously has been made to feel small and we see clear evidence of this with his father, who doesn't care enough to respect or listen to him. this switch up from amanda as soon as she's ignored is very telling and we will soon learn two major things about amanda that play a role in this as well. first we learn that amanda is very bold. expressive, assertive and confident, she will insert herself in situations. she's a social woman who will speak her mind and she'll do it loudly. but instead of marks more aggressive approach, amandas assertiveness is highly social, she operates in a more passive aggressive demeanor, using her social and emotional awareness to achieve her goals. secondly, we also learn that amanda has a crush on clarissa suzanne. this complicates things as she ultimately has an ulterior motive to get involved, with that thing additionally being a highly personal emotional factor, which she has to put aside for the sake of being there for ,not only her best friend, but the person she's currently in love with - a lot of conflicting feelings!

amanda is very clearly upset with clarissa's defiance of her beliefs and after evaluating her options she passive aggressively proclaims "well listen, the other people in this restaurant apparently have ideas" - she feels unappreciated. but being very aware, she is now operating with damage control in mind instead of support and proactivity. this results in her making the decision to shift her attention to the other people at the pizzeria, using them as a way to express her emotions without directing the negativity directly toward clarissa and without revealing any romantic interest. this is her engaging with the very same petty and emotionally immature behaviour as mark.

in that same scene we also learn more about her character as she, in her assertiveness, takes on a lot of responsibilities - both speaking up about the kinda rude british woman and taking it upon herself to figure out and deal with the man creating a ruckus. but interestingly enough, as soon as she's dealing with her own dad, this confidence comes to a halt. these two parts of this scene really parallels marks introduction. we start off by seeing the character act on impulse, taking control. then, by meeting their fathers, they are no longer the person with most power, forced out to the sidelines, left feeling unseen.

but then she does something to differentiate her from mark. as she's taken a step back, she stops to think before declaring herself in a new position of power in order to figure things out. telling her dad that "either you, me, or that drunk british woman, have to sort this out", before proposing an idea herself. at the height of her impulsiveness she yells out that she has an amazing idea, complimenting herself in the process. at the height of mark's impulsiveness, he initiated a physical fight with his father. amanda's way of taking back control is by taking a leadership-role, setting up a system for them to work out a solution and finally providing one herself. mark's way of taking back control is by force, opposing his father in an act of disrespect.

from this whole scene we learn that amanda is very adamant to be the person in charge, but in contrast to mark, she's both very calm and communicative in doing so. as shown by telling the british woman that she'll come back to her shortly, getting the man to calm down and properly get his intentions across, and the previous example with her dad. all and all, this is another example of the two using different tactics to enable the same behaviour - the only difference being their level of emotional intelligence.

and so, this instead speaks a lot on femininity. while the gender roles for men often are in relation to individualistic accomplishments of success within things like careers or athleticism, most gender roles for women are in relation to people other than themselves. in the name of being a good wife and mother, they are taught to strengthen bonds, raised to be nurturing leaders of their community - always there for those in need and whether it's emotional support, household tasks, administrative tasks or first aid, they are the ones you come to. this is what we're seeing in amanda, a person who not only has been given the tools on how to work through emotions and settle conflicts but also to put herself aside for others sake.

but as we know, amanda is not a coy character, and i would argue that mark is more timid than her, being more prone to tolerating certain behaviour. they both inhabit this need for control because they both feel a lack of control. in the scene where amanda is keeping the ring in her mouth her source of control is stripped away from her and she panics, forced to just stand by as the situation gets worse and worse, unable to step in. in relation to gender roles this all makes a lot of sense.

because of the typical association of dominance and masculinity vs. submissiveness and femininity, a common misconception is that masculinity makes for good leadership, but that is not actually the case. this association simply comes from the patriarchal hierarchy systematically and socially putting men above women, in a position of power. when looking at examples of hyper-masculinity, we often find positions of power, but not necessarily traits that help actually build and/or uphold said leadership, or position of power. this is because of the societal perspective than you climb or rank up in positions of power, combined with the societal hierarchy mirroring our occupational hierarchies (i.e. your social status being tied to your job title). cause while a male ceo may hold the power over a company, does he hold the most knowledge? does he house the skills necessary to perform the tasks done by those under him? is he qualified for those positions?

when women are taught the skills needed to be a good mother and wife, they are also taught how to pass these skills on, giving them a fundamental understanding of what is needed, how it works and why it works. this gives them a much stronger foundation for their expertise than men. but even then, what skills are men taught? they are taught that they should be independent, but they aren't taught how to be independent, they are taught that they should be strong leaders, but they aren't taught how to be a strong leader. i would argue that they are told more than they are taught, and if the patriarchy hadn't already placed men in a position of power, i don't think they'd be able to achieve that position themselves, for they are not taught how to reach the top, but to simply exist up there.

even when actually looking at the two defining masculine roles i don't find them to be very dominant at all - protector? very submissive, provider? very submissive. but feminine roles on the other hand? traditional wives and mothers are the ones in control - they know how to run the household, care for it's members and they are the ones to teach them the valuable skills and lessons they themselves inhabit. and this is reflected all over society, as jobs considered feminine include structural cornerstones like education, administration and healthcare, on top of being mothers and leaders of their respective communities.

and in the play, we find evidence of this as mark is struggling due to his lack of skills in handling these situations and dealing with his own emotions. he's left to figure it out on his own, without the tools to properly asses what it actually is he's lacking and/or doing wrong. and that's the thing, men aren't taught how to be independent because we as humans can't be independent. and this too is so beautifully illustrated in the story, as the turning point for mark as a character doesn't come until he tries the more feminine method of confiding in others, reaching out to the church. but so what is this turning point and why is it so touching?

when tim describes father petroska as "having a good heart, really" despite his very hurtful actions, mark, looking to understand what may be the cause of the disconnect between his own intentions and his actions, sees himself in father petroska. but in an attempt to distance himself as a form of protection, mark starts asking about him - intending to use father petroska in place of himself, as a way to actually approach discussing the subject, just indirectly. tim however, cuts him off, not picking up on this subtext, and starts listing all these negative traits of father petroska, including the impact they have on people in his surroundings. as he's doing this, he's partially retracting his initial comment, in which he was implying that father is still a good person. in doing so tim, from marks point of view, is accidentally directly criticizing mark, the exact thing mark was trying to avoid, confirming his fears and anxieties.

now, this is a daunting realization, but mark is unusually calm? in his scenes with clarissa and his father, mark is painted as far more agressive and assertive than he actually is. when outside of these situations he's pretty quiet, existing more in the background. but still, we've never seen him so 'inward' before. i think this was an almost belated realization, the last nail in the coffin. he's spent years processing his flaws and difficulties, he's just never admitted it or possibly even known that's what he's been doing, and i think this was a moment of reconciliation after years of "breaches", in the form of unwanted emotions causing unwanted actions. when looking at masculinity it makes a lot of sense - society telling you that you're supposed to function a certain way, but time and time again not being rewarded for that very same behaviour.

lacking the tools to properly identify and regulate his emotions, mark previously has shown these peaks of aggression where he took to physical action, but not this time. this time he takes it in, reflects, realizes his needs, and asks for them - not just asking for confirmation that he can be forgiven but also asking about the complex idea of how much our actions define us. steadfast and wanting the full truth, in pursuit of self-acceptance,, "how much work do i have ahead of me?".

we find him, mirroring the scene between suzanne and amanda, in a situation where he's starting to discover the feminine skillset of working through his own emotions.

and so, the two are handed very similar situations, with a lack of control, dealing with the fear of being pushed aside, but simply because one is a woman and the other a man they are presented with vastly different opportunities.