#sfg!jake

“You think I don’t know that?!” Jake snarled, throwing Marley’s consoling hand off of his shoulder.

“Look just...” Jake trailed off, fists clenched as he stared angrily at the wall beside them. “I know. I care about him. I do. I just- I don’t know how to- I want to- But I’m not gay. And I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know how- I don’t know how not to when I can’t do anything, because this isn’t me. I’m not- I’m not gay...”Jake said, sadly, quietly.

When Marley’s hand returned to his shoulder this time, Jake fell into it, accepting the quiet strength from the young woman at his side. He didn’t know what he was doing. He just knew what he wanted and who he was weren’t matching up, and it was hurting him and his best friend.

“And another thing- Mmph!”

Jake stopped, eyes wide, staring at Ryder’s face, too close, too blurry. Their lips pressed together. Jake’s tongue caught awkwardly against his teeth. Ryder’s lips smashed gracelessly to his face. Both their cheeks scrunched up together.

Too close.

Jake’s hands on Ryder’s shoulders, Ryder’s own hands on Jake’s shoulders. Jake pushed Ryder away, eyes still wide, almost hurting from how dry and strained they were “What-? Why-?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Jake. Don’t you get it?! I wa- Hnn?”

This time it was Jake lunging in, too close, too hard, too fast. But perfectly clear. In a way nothing had ever needed to be. Jake wrapped his arms around Ryder’s back, pulling him flush, chest against chest.

When they broke minutes later, both of them sprawled across the bed, Ryder blinked up at him, and Jake  swallowed the urge to kiss him again.

“I still don’t know, but I don’t think I really care anymore. I just- want. And I hate wanting. I’d much rather have. So, if it’s all the sa- Mmhmmm.” Jake smiled, pulling Ryder close again. This would work. They’d figure out the details later. Or not at all. They didn’t really matter anyways.

Send “⁇” for a drunk text.

Jake: So.Jake: Like, the insurrection. Not the song. And great. Now that songs going to be stick in my head all week.Jake: Whatever. Anyway. So, I decided.Jake: I want it. I want to try it to.Jake: Too*Jake: And I know I’m gonna chicken shit out when I sober up. So get here soon. Because I’m really hard. And I really want to get laid tonight.

♦: for an apologetic voicemail

Jake: Jane? I- shit- [shuffling and clatter in the background] Hey, listen. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to- say those things. Or that way. Or just... I’m a little drunk right now, but I just want to you- you to know, I’m sorry, okay? I do care about you. And... I think you’re beautiful, and really good at what you do, and I just- Dammit- I’m not good with words. Or feelings. I just- Can you please forgive me? Because this not forgiving shit sucks! And I miss you already and I just... [coughing sounds followed by a long inhale]. [Voice choked when he speaks again] I’m sorry. Okay? Just... Please call me back? I swear I can explain... [long pause] I love yo_| [click]

Jake nearly spat out his Pepsi at that. Swallowing around the lump of air at the back of his throat, Jake coughed, beating his chest. “Sorry, what? Ah-” Jake looked around the empty park they were eating at and floundered for how to respond. “Okay? And you’re telling me this, why? This is- really more Ryder’s area, isn’t it?” he deflected, badly. He just wasn’t prepared to hear those words from Marley. Ever. Especially not in regards to him, apparently.

“Dude- what the hell?” Jake asked, giving Ryder a suspicious look. “I don’t need to know that. Why would you even say that?” He looked away, both awkwardly going back to their game. The silence tense between them until Jake asked, “What was I doing in it?”