#set back

Had fun re drawing demon days

This is a short follow up to Vehicular Accident.

Virgil bolted upright with a ragged gasp.

"Virge?" Janus's groggy voice came from the near dark. He slipped onto Virgil's bed wrapping an arm aroun his shoulders. "Are you okay?"

Virgil shook his head and tried to breath deeply around the tears running down his face.

"Would it help if I got Patton for you?"

Virgil shook his head again and slumped against Janus’s side, massaging the end of his arm.

"Okay. I'll sit up with you as long as you need, alright?"

"I feel like I'm going backward," Virgil finally croaked. "I haven't had nightmares like that in years."

"You're not. You're just dealing with a new trauma that's triggering an old trauma. You have better tools to deal with it now than when you were younger and you have more support this time too."

Virgil snorted. "Doesn't keep me from having panic attacks and nightmares."

たかが弦の隙間1cmがやたらと広く感じるからアルペジオは苦手だ

Starting Weight (12.18.19):  271

Last Week’s Weight (6.25.20):  226.4

Today’s Weight (7.8.20):  223.8

Total Weight Lost in 1 Week: 2.6 lbs Total Weight Lost in 7 Months:  47.2 lbs Total Weight Lost Since Quarantine Began: 20.1 lbs Total Miles Walked in July: 20.1 miles

And just like that, I fell down. Literally, down the stairs.  

I woke up at 5 a.m., excited to get my walk on with the babers. Got everything ready, took my ootd pic before putting on my shoes and went upstairs to change, feed and prep erp.  We’re walking down the stairs, 10 minutes from being out the door on our walk and I miss one of the last steps and find my left foot bent forward as I’m falling downwards.  Thankfully, erp was completely unscathed but my ankle took the entire brunt of the fall. 

At the bottom of the stairs I called out for Kevin, who’s dead asleep since it’s now around 5:45 a.m. After about four or five loud shouts he comes, takes erp from my chest and I scoot myself off the steps and onto the floor to assess the damage.  I am able to put a slight amount of weight on it as I hobble myself over to a chair.  Kevin gets some ice and ibuprofen for me, makes sure I’m okay before going back to bed.  (I had to basically tell him to leave).  

With over two hours before work starts I decided to catch some z’s myself and I slowly gimp around the house collecting everything I’ll need for the day ahead and set myself up in the guest bed.  Amazingly, erp is also ready to go back to sleep so she and I nap until 8:30 and then stay in bed for most of the rest of the day. 

My headspace has been negative, understandably.  I’m most upset about how this is going to set me back. As you know, I’ve really been digging my active lifestyle and have been riding a high for the last few months watching my efforts and actions slim my body down.  Not only that, but I’ve gotten joy out of keeping the house clean, running the dishwasher every night and emptying it in the morning, dancing in the kitchen with my baby, all of the things.  I know I’m being dramatic and all of these things will come back again, it’s just one more unknown in this ambiguous world we’re living in.  I’m frustrated and feel stupid for not being more careful.

The plan is to continue to keep my leg elevated and iced on and off. Tomorrow will be another full day of rest and potentially the next day depending on how my healing goes. I’ll then ease back into walking around the house and eventually work my way out for walks again, hopefully building back up to my 5 mile stints.  I’ll have to be extra cautious with my food intake given that I can’t burn many calories at the moment since I’m determined not to let this set me back more than it has physically.  

It certainly was challenging having a full work day and care-taking for erp not being able to be mobile. I now realize how often I have to stand and bounce to soothe her and how often she needs her diaper changed or a bottle refilled.  Thankfully, Kevin’s home so he did all the diaper changes until we get a downstairs station set up and I carried around a cooler full of pre-made bottles that helped in a pinch.  

I’m nothing else if not adaptable.  This is merely a pause and I need to take it seriously and make rest my full time job so I don’t exacerbate the problem since I have no idea how long this is going to take me out of commission for.