#serrys

Chwave: well i don't know if you heard but i went to scotland

g0m: oh ya

g0m: what was it like

Chwave: scotland is a land of contrasts

g0m: run into any particularly attractive irish people or

Chwave: ireland is a myth made up by greeting card companies to sell beer and cereal

Serrys: if you rearrange the letters in ireland you get "irl and e" which are the places that are fooled by the existance of ireland

g0m: greeting card companies do NOT have a stake in the sale of beer

Chwave: oh yeah g0m, then how do you explain the Guiness Greeting Card Of World Records

g0m: like all red blooded irish they're just huge fans of a slow drunken demise

Chwave: aren't the irish supposed to bleed green? your story just doesn't add up, "g0m."

Chwave: if that is your real name.

g0m: that's vulcans

Violet: beer is a gift often paired with greeting cards.... i think we're on to something

Chwave: vulcans are irish?

g0m: the irish only bleed reciprocally

g0m: ie if you start shit

Violet: if your blood is green you've got some kind of fungal growth

g0m: yes, that is also traditionally irish

g0m: only five months until i get to see that respiration specialist pray for me that ill make it that long xoxo

Violet: if i had a fungal growth i would simply eat the mushrooms

Chwave: rub some dirt in it

Violet: i think at that point you're basically a mushroom farmer

g0m: i cant eat them! theyre in my lungs

g0m: i assume

Chwave: that means they're pre-eaten. preaten.

g0m: yea when i eat i like to store about half of my food in my lungs for later

Chwave: at least if you're like me and have strategically merged your stomach and lungs

g0m: hi!

Kaynato: g0m :factseagull_a:

Mamylon: g0m's back!

Chwave: oh frabjous day

Kaynato: callooh callay

g0m: i'm back to fuck everything up and ruin it all

Kaynato: just the way we like it

[11:32 AM] SkeleteriousOptimism: Nobody wants that

[11:32 AM] SkeleteriousOptimism: Fuck off

[11:33 AM] Serrys Orchid: listen Sleve McDichael didn't go through 9 years of marketing to take opinions from a millennial who PROBABLY ALSO USES A PHONE

[11:53 AM] Chwoka: We designed a urinal where you have to make eye contact the whole time

[11:56 AM] :jokes:: we designed a single-file sidewalk where nobody can pass anyone else

[11:57 AM] Chwoka: We designed an escalator that you can change the direction of

[11:58 AM] Chwoka: We designed an apartment that's also a hallway

[12:00 PM] Chwoka: We designed a motel where any key opens any room

[12:01 PM] :jokes:: we designed an airplane where people can barely breathe because there's so many people onboard

[12:01 PM] Serrys Orchid: we designed an airplane where the passengers sit around the pilots like an operating theater and tell them how to do their jobs

[12:02 PM] Chwoka: We designed a movie theater so you have to sit on one another's laps

[12:02 PM] Serrys Orchid: we designed a movie theater

[12:03 PM] Chwoka: We designed the world's first standing room only motorcycle

[12:03 PM] :jokes:: we designed a system of incentives that guarantees that the world will get worse and everybody will be frustrated

[12:03 PM] Chwoka: We designed a taxi service for segways

[12:04 PM] :jokes:: we designed a parking garage for pedestrians

[12:06 PM] Chwoka: We designed shoes that have a tamagotchi feature that levels up from wearing them and you can have them battle your friends' shoe tamagotchis by tying the laces together. 2 and a half hour battery life, and yes it comes with survival and crafting mechanics

[12:08 PM] Chwoka: We designed a 4-seats-wide bicycle, for use on car roads

[12:10 PM] Chwoka: We designed a tent you have to assemble from the inside

[12:11 PM] Chwoka: We put a roundabout in the drive-thru

[12:13 PM] Chwoka: We designed a car where one person gets the gas, another the breaks, and one person gets to steer

[12/20/2015 4:28:55 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: If I had to get a home defense weapon I'd fill my whole basement with dynamite and leave fuses by every electrical outlet, because the best defense is a good offense

[12/20/2015 4:29:01 PM] theworstname: hahahha

[12/20/2015 4:29:02 PM] Serrys Orchid: bow that shoots swords

[12/20/2015 4:29:08 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: I can hold my whole house hostage with just a match

[12/20/2015 4:29:15 PM] theworstname: chwoka sleep with a self-destruct button under your pillow

[12/20/2015 4:32:25 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Honestly your home defense should be... Puzzles

[12/20/2015 4:33:06 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: A courtyard full of ceramic horses that have to be adjusted into a functioning sundial along rails

[12/20/2015 4:33:33 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: A rebus just to get in the mailbox

[12/20/2015 4:34:07 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: And if you take more than a half hour to get through the gauntlet, the cops are called automatically

[12/20/2015 4:34:43 PM] Jenna Fans: [AppleJac] just keep a lot of giant cyclopic venomous spiders loose in your home

[12/20/2015 4:35:15 PM] Jenna Fans: [AppleJac] build your house at the bottom of a rogue like dungeon

[12/20/2015 4:35:22 PM] A Poopier Johnes: Does failing the puzzle result in falling through a chute in the floor and ending up at the front door, Chwoka?

[12/20/2015 4:35:29 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Who cares about violence when you can just make e burglars and zombies get frustrated and leave

[12/20/2015 4:35:54 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Yes ford

[12/20/2015 4:35:59 PM] A Poopier Johnes: Sign me the fuck up

[12/20/2015 4:36:26 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Other home defense ideas

[12/20/2015 4:36:38 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: The Sims yourself.

[12/20/2015 4:36:53 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Build the house around your family with no doors or windows

[12/20/2015 4:36:58 PM] theworstname: the perfect plan

[12/20/2015 4:37:11 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: An indoor pool with no ladders for good measure

[12/20/2015 4:37:15 PM] theworstname: yes

[12/20/2015 4:37:20 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Nobody's getting in

[12/20/2015 4:37:22 PM] A Poopier Johnes: Home defense idea: https://i.gyazo.com/6437dafb5f6ce21c6f72829d2433b51c.jpg

[12/20/2015 4:37:22 PM] theworstname: only a diving board

[12/20/2015 4:37:38 PM] theworstname: ohh chwoka how about

[12/20/2015 4:37:49 PM] theworstname: there are ladders but they lead to little rooms with no way out

[12/20/2015 4:38:05 PM] theworstname: so you can get in and out of the pool, but still never escape

[12/20/2015 4:38:14 PM] Jenna Fans: [AppleJac] when your burglar alarm goes off your house gets up on robot legs and runs away

[12/20/2015 4:38:42 PM] theworstname: home defense idea: don't have a home

[12/20/2015 4:38:57 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Live in a hot air balloon. You only have to fear the AIR BANDITS

[12/20/2015 4:39:03 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: And planes.

[12/20/2015 4:40:17 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Home defense idea: Build a fence around your home

[12/20/2015 4:40:29 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Paint the letter D all over it

[12/20/2015 4:40:34 PM] A Poopier Johnes: home defence idea:

[12/20/2015 4:40:36 PM] A Poopier Johnes: remove the fence

[12/20/2015 4:41:02 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Home defense idea: learn to fence

[12/20/2015 4:41:30 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Challenge all trespassers to a spar and if they win its their property now

[12/20/2015 4:41:48 PM] theworstname: now youre getting back to swords chwoka

[12/20/2015 4:42:05 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: They'll take good care of it. It won't be yours but it will be well defended by a master fencer

[12/20/2015 4:42:14 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: And thats really what it's all about

[12/20/2015 4:42:16 PM] theworstname: home defense idea: bury your house underground, put landmines on the roof

[12/20/2015 4:42:25 PM] A Poopier Johnes: home defense idea: have nothing worth breaking in for

[12/20/2015 4:42:36 PM] theworstname: what about the house itself though

[12/20/2015 4:42:45 PM] theworstname: what if someone comes wanting to steal your home, what then

[12/20/2015 4:42:46 PM] A Poopier Johnes: You can't steal a house!

[12/20/2015 4:42:50 PM] Serrys Orchid: https://40.media.tumblr.com/8c590f1088f4873a104138848559777d/tumblr_nzmjx7iVhl1qd7f1go1_1280.jpg arguement over

[12/20/2015 4:42:54 PM] theworstname: not with that attitude

[12/20/2015 4:43:01 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: You can if you live in a trailer

[12/20/2015 4:43:26 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Which is what "nothing worth stealing" says to me

[12/20/2015 4:43:35 PM] theworstname: trailers are worth a bit

[12/20/2015 4:44:00 PM] theworstname: serrys https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CWs18xUXAAI8Jyu.jpg

[12/20/2015 4:44:05 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Can you imagine if you're sleeping in your trailer house and then someone just hitches you up and drives away with you

[12/20/2015 4:44:16 PM] theworstname: (someone linked that in another chat)

[12/20/2015 4:44:22 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: F*cked *p

[12/20/2015 4:44:30 PM] theworstname: watch your language

[12/20/2015 4:44:49 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Home defense idea: Really restrictive dress code

[12/20/2015 4:44:58 PM] Serrys Orchid: I saw someone censor "Shut u*" once in a youtube comment

[12/20/2015 4:45:13 PM] Serrys Orchid: poe's law level 97

[12/20/2015 4:45:31 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Anyone wants to get in doesn't meet your exact specifications, they get turned away

[12/20/2015 4:45:59 PM] theworstname: home defense idea: fart a whole bunch so your house smells really bad, so nobody will want to go near it

[12/20/2015 4:46:06 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Is it really worth renting a fluorescent green tux to break in and steal, like, $300 of stuff

[12/20/2015 4:46:31 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: (Fluorescent meaning it has reflective tape on it, for safety.

[12/20/2015 4:46:49 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: And once you put the provided tape on you can't return the tux

[12/20/2015 4:48:13 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Stunned speechless by the best idea yet, huh

[12/20/2015 4:48:45 PM] theworstname: yea

[12/20/2015 4:48:54 PM] Jenna Fans: [AppleJac] build your house on the deep web where cops can't find it

[12/20/2015 4:49:08 PM] theworstname: encrypt your home

[12/20/2015 4:49:55 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Build a 2 am home. Only exists at 2 am for an hour

[12/20/2015 4:51:05 PM] theworstname: have three very large cups, with your house under only one of them. shuffle them around a bunch to confuse trespassers

[12/20/2015 4:53:19 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Live in a cup

[12/20/2015 4:54:06 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Use another cup for your bathroom (toilet + bathing) and that's your weapon

[12/20/2015 4:54:40 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Third cup, let's say it's full of teeth

[12/20/2015 4:54:53 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Human teeth, shark teeth, ivory shavings

[12/20/2015 4:55:01 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Dentures

[12/20/2015 4:55:09 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: The lifestyle

[12/20/2015 5:00:24 PM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: You are also allowed a rusty ole saxophone on this diet

[12/20/2015 10:57:47 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: No

[12/20/2015 10:57:48 AM] theworstname: football is more interesting than soccer?

[12/20/2015 10:57:52 AM] theworstname: now you do

[12/20/2015 10:58:07 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: It's true

[12/20/2015 10:58:07 AM] theworstname: this is a fact

[12/20/2015 10:58:23 AM] theworstname: and the secret to america's economic and military dominance over the rest of the world

[12/20/2015 10:58:49 AM] theworstname: if you want to get on americas level you have to stop having such bad taste in sports

[12/20/2015 10:59:07 AM] theworstname: there are scientific essays proving this

[12/20/2015 10:59:24 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: The real reason Russia lost the Cold War

[12/20/2015 10:59:47 AM] theworstname: what kind of sports did they even have??

[12/20/2015 10:59:52 AM] theworstname: the boring kind, that's what kind

[12/20/2015 11:00:39 AM] theworstname: they'd toss paintchips back and forth because the soviet union had the most peeling paint in the world and they had to do SOMETHING with it

[12/20/2015 11:01:31 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: They'd play classic basketball.nthat means with pumpkins

[12/20/2015 11:01:48 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: So they'd dribble once and it'd just smash on the ground

[12/20/2015 11:01:51 AM] theworstname: lenin was a fan of football but the ussr lost its way

[12/20/2015 11:02:05 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Then they had to get a new pumpkin

[12/20/2015 11:02:12 AM] theworstname: stalin hated sports, absolutely despised them. thats why he brought soccer to russia

[12/20/2015 11:02:20 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Really it was just throwing pumpkins on the ground

[12/20/2015 11:02:39 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Until someone slipped on the ice and pumpkin guts

[12/20/2015 11:03:31 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Then everyone would beat them to death with their bare hands and leave them in a shallow grave

[12/20/2015 11:03:37 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: For fun

[12/20/2015 11:03:40 AM] theworstname: pumpkins are actually russian comedy's equivalent of banana peels

[12/20/2015 11:03:44 AM] Serrys Orchid: um the ussr clearly had sports, such as the famous moment where american and russian teams had a valiant showdown which was symbolic of the cold war: Rocky IV

[12/20/2015 11:03:46 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Russian basketball

[12/20/2015 11:04:15 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: That's true

[12/20/2015 11:04:46 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Boxing is just Russian basketball thou the pumpkins though

[12/20/2015 11:04:55 AM] Serrys Orchid: I was actually thinking of the hockey match but the concept of rocky 4 being a documentary was funnier than whatever nonsense I was going to say instead

[12/20/2015 11:06:51 AM] theworstname: classic trope, man walks down the sideway carrying a pumpkin under his arm, just pulling out its goopy insides to snack on them. content with his meal, he casually tosses the pumpkin over his shoulder. the goop pours out the pumpkin and a passing capitalist (always wearing a top hat with skulls painted on it) slips on the pumpkin guts and slides head-first into a nearby guillotine

[12/20/2015 11:08:38 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: Then the guillotine drops and you see the basket the heads go in, but instead of the head falling in its another pumpkin

[12/20/2015 11:09:20 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: The original man picks the pumpkin up and starts eating out of it again, and the film starts over from the beginning

[12/20/2015 11:10:22 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: An endless cycle that slowly goes from slapstick to disillusioned ennui

[12/20/2015 11:11:20 AM] ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: The moral of the story is that revolution is both inevitable and never complete

theworstname: only one of them

A Poopier Johnes: have you been doing half drugs

theworstname: possibly

☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: maybe you should stop taking blood transfusions into your eye

theworstname: is Loving Our Lord a drug

Serrys Orchid: did you do mari or juana

☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: so you're saying you love half of our lord?

☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: so that's, what, one jesus and half a holy ghost

theworstname: yeah

theworstname: half a jesus

A Poopier Johnes: and the whole-y ghost?

☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: ahhhhhhhHHHHHH

Serrys Orchid: well now we know which half it is

☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: now THAT'S a pun

☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆: serry: the virgin half, yeah