#serial-cereal-eater

TELL ME IT WAS JANET-JANET BECAUSE I THINK I AM MORE IN LOVE WITH U NOW

i sent too soon. no one has ever been like “do you mean SHE?” but if they refer to you as “she” or “her” i don’t correct them in case it raises questions because i feel like those are not my questions to answer, if that makes sense. do you have advice for the masses who want to be respectful of others’ pronouns and get questioned about it? would you prefer i (or others) correct someone who refers to you with feminine pronouns?

Honestly just making the personal effort is perfect. There is no need to correct or clarify with other people. I can’t speak on behalf of other people in terms of what’s most respectful for them, but what matters to me is that people use it who 1. know and 2. don’t feel fucked up by it. So if it makes someone feel fucked up? It’s ok – use what’s comfortable for you. If you’re comfortable with it but you’re talking to someone who doesn’t know, don’t worry about correcting. 

It’s hard to explain to strangers – and harder to explain to people who know us both but don’t know much about me personally (i.e. basically everyone who isn’t on tumblr). It’s not something I’m willing to take on, and it’s certainly not something I expect other people to take on for me. If I were trans and really harmed by the misgendering then yes, I’d absolutely fight that fight and hope my friends would too – but it’s not the case. It’s basically a case of “What am I most comfortable with? What are you most comfortable with?”

In a perfect world being agender or genderfluid would be such a common expression of gender that nobody would question it. But people tend to understand cis and understand trans (even if they don’t wanna respect it) and goddamn is it complicated to try and make anything else make sense. 

No. I didn’t. Until I was in my 20s, I always assumed the problem was me. 

When my parents invalidated my interests, I internalized that my interests must just be really weird and stupid and never questioned my parents. When they ignored my preferences, I internalized that my preferences were simply wrong and tried to adjust. 

I never questioned why my friends were allowed to pursue the things they wanted to outside of a completely fabricated and arbitrary scope of what was decorous and seemly. 

I also developed a completely different personality for use with my parents vs who I was when I was alone or with friends. You’ve probably personally observed that, having been involved with my wedding and seen me interact with my mom. Whatever disparity exists between Mom!Kelly and Actual!Kelly now, it was one hundred times worse when I was growing up. When I met Jonathan, I didn’t even talk to my mom in my real voice–I used almost a baby voice, full of false excitement and cutesy talk.

I think I realized how fucked up my relationship with my parents was/is when I was 22 and they were trying to convince me not to move in with Jonathan. I had a very REAL fear that in order to keep me from moving in with him, my mother was going to Baker Act me (for those outside of Florida, that basically entails calling the police and reporting that someone is in danger of committing suicide–it at least temporarily means you’re institutionalized against your will). 

I was trying to move in with my boyfriend who I loved–and my mother was saying things like “I’m so worried about you,” and “I’m so scared by how you’re acting.” 

I was happy. It was one of the happiest times in my life! I was in love. My life was stable–and my mother was acting like I was so out of my mind that was actually a danger to myself. I felt like she’d rather see me–for all intents and purposes–incarcerated against my will than to let me move in with the person I loved. I was very scared this was going to happen, to the point of making plans about how I was going to deal with it if it did, researching how to avoid it, and notifying people I knew that it might happen so they would know if I disappeared off the radar. 

I stepped back and looked at my life, looked at the EXTREME level of mistrust it would take to make me feel that way, and I realized that simply isn’t a normal relationship to have with a parent.

In answer to your question, I really thought my mom was awesome until around the time that I met Jonathan (when I was 22). A variety of things happened during this time. Her behavior was beginning to grow more and more outside of the ordinary and impossible to cover up with the excuse that she was “just a concerned mom.” I had a bit more life experience under my belt in general. And I had seen how my ex boyfriend’s family treated him–watched him interact with his own mom. I had seen how a loving mom could express disapproval and concern without there being EXTREME emotional fallout and fear as a result. 

It is VERY revealing for me to go back through my journals from late high school/early college because my relationship with her in my memory is colored by my current realizations–but reading my journals gives me a real insight into how I felt at the time. 

I didn’t feel marginalized or angry because I had internalized every bit of negativity. I very much loathed everything about myself, but I had never thought to connect it to my parents–and my journal is full of fond “jokes” and “funny” stories about my parents and how cool they were.

are you paleo now

We're well on our way to meeting our fundraising goal. And I'm flabbergasted by the support we've received. Particularly, I'm amazed by the support from my Tumblr friends.

A big thanks goes out to the following people (in no particular order):

serial-cereal-eater

seechrisrun

imperfectspring

runningmyownrace

jillygettinghealthy

road2fab40

serenity-made-visible

kdufintraining

usualchatter

running-engineering-cats

This literally would not be possible without your help.

There were also a few contributions under names I don't recognize, so I assume those are also Tumblr friends whose real names I don't know. If you don't see your name here, please let me know so I know who to thank!

Thanks also to everyone who has supported our campaign but who couldn't necessarily help out financially. Likes, reblogs and words of encouragement are genuinely appreciated.

did you have an injury or something that necessitated a hip replacement? or was it just wear and tear?