#selflovesept

The letter thing was a Self Love September thing that I did, just forgot how therapeutic writing a letter with no intent to send it can be!

I have these wild, high expectations of myself. Looking through my journals for #selflovesept, #selflovestories, #selfloveseptember, and I see these fairly regular lists (massive) with everything from moderate to advanced physical goals (100 squats: really? Yoga every day: I think it’s been a few months. Clean house/chores done: oh right. I forgot I had a kid). I’m quick to tell my friends to relax when they mention the house being a mess or things on the to do list going unchecked for weeks. I don’t even bring my child rearing woes to the world anymore (usually) because the “safe space” I’ve carved out for myself is not as safe as I once imagined. When I trust less and fear more, I come back to myself. When I feel #burnout, and #overwhelmed, I come home to me. I am training myself to #listen to myself when things feel shaky. It’s easy to pull a #victim card: it’s easy to put on a victim cloak and it’s comfy enough in there, I often forget to come out on my own again. But I will. I do return to myself. It feels so good to be me again, after having tried to fit into something I’m not for so long. The pain, the painful process of shedding old skins and #becomingmyself again, it is a process of #becoming whole, it’s a process of #reclamation of old hurt feelings and broken bones. The pain is sometimes my own filter of a comment or expression or being: I want something or someone that doesn’t serve me. Waking up wanting to be more #unapologeticallyme in the face of those who are made uncomfortable by my mere presence: #FUCKINGPRICELESS. . . . For the lady at #Everybodys who decided to tell a young mother holding her toddler while filling up 3, 2-gallon water bottles at once that she shouldn’t use up all of the stations at once/shouldn’t do what works best for her/shouldn’t live life unapologetically/ shouldn’t be comfortable in her own skin when some else shows up with similar needs: I’m not sorry for any of these things, and the heartburn I earned overthinking this fairly mundane interaction gave me some super useful tools for my own shadow work, inner child healing, and self loving journey. To the world: watch out for the confident me 🙏🏾 #unapologetic (at Fairfield, Iowa)

The last several months I’ve been censoring myself randomly but this dedication I’ve made to be accountable to myself and those who can hold space for me in my self loving journey forward keeps me checking in with my madness and my experiences thus far. Feeling thankful for everyone sharing #selflovestories this #selflovesept - you all inspire and motivate me. Thankful to @kellyann_maddox, for everything you do. One day I’ll gift myself one of your divine sessions! Thankful for #honesty with myself. Facing the music and seeing myself as I really am is the hardest and most rewarding thing I do for myself. I’m hopeful this knowing myself business gets easier with time. Something tells me it won’t. It just expands, and releases, like everything else good and juicy in our life. Woo. Feels, y’all. Samhain comin’ up quick 😱😳🌌🤘🏾🦋🖤🎉🙏🏾😬💚 (at Fairfield, Iowa)

Hello lovelies! This fine Saturday morning, I'm braving myself to watch The Cove. It's a documentary that it's played on Netflix Canada, and I saved it to my to watch list a while back but haven't. Recently it was mentioned in the book I'm reading right now, Voices in the Ocean, by Susan Casey. In the book she has a chapter on the cove which is in Taiji, Japan, and fisherman slaughter dolphins but the hundreds, and capture dolphins to be sold at marine parks. I'm saying I'm braving myself because I know it will be very difficult to watch, but as gruesome as it will be, I made the decision to watch it no matter how angry, hurt, and upset I will get. I have been avoiding it for a while, but it's time to face the reality of what happens in the cove, even if I'll cry the entire time, like I did watching my last horrifying documentary Earthllings. After Earthllings I've become vegan for 10 months. I could not even look at meat. I am sorry to say that I am not vegan right now, and even though I eat a lot of vegetarian meals it is still not vegan. Since February 2016 when I started eating meat again, I also started to uphold Self-Love. I have not come to terms of my food choices yet, and my heart longs to be vegan, and I'm struggling to do that again, but right now I cannot and I don't understand why. This is why this month of Self-Love September is important to me, because I don't thing that living with Self-Hate is healthy. Through #selflovesept #selfloveseptember I will make myself look at this issue and deal with my choices, and perhaps find some Self-Acceptance until my eating choices are what my heart wants them to be. I know that for some of you will be hard to understand why I can't do it if I say that's what I want. I don't know fully. But I also do know some of the reasons I can't do it right now. But this is just some of the things I'm dealing with on the daily. Much love sweets! Enjoy your Saturday. And to all those being affected by the Irma hurricane my heart and soul is with you. May the Goddess keep you all safe! 💜

Chaotic This and That Episode 38: Life Updates, Self Love September, Tar...

It’s been a tough year, my stirling starlights, But SELF LOVE SEPTEMBER is finally, almost here. Even though I am still healing from the latest Epstein-Barr episode, even though I woke up to comfort and love my amazing 2 year old from 2am to 7am when she finally drifted off back to sleep, even though this year is becoming stranger every day, I choose to see the beauty in myself, my circumstances, and all of existence. I was kind, as my intentions were set to be. I am growing more kind daily. It starts with being kind to me. You cannot pour love from your cup, if your cup is dry. It is nobody’s place to tell another that they don’t need time alone, time to heal, time to integrate. That is time to grow! Once we restore ourselves, we have so much more love and kindness to give. So thankful to myself for allowing yoga to bless me today. I hope we don’t go so long before seeing each other again. So excited for #SelfLoveSeptember and all of the opportunities for growth I have this month. Baby steps to integration... and giant leaps to compassion. One cannot truly hold compassion for another with holding compassion for oneself. It feels way better... don’t trust me. Try it yourself. #SelfLoveSept. #SelfLove. #SelfCare. #SelfCareIsSacred. #yoga. #yogi. #mamayogi. #yogaeverydamnday. #holdingspace. #understanding. #compassion. #generosityofspirit. #nurtureyourself. #liveyourself. #feelingood.#feelingrest. #healing. #integration. #motherhoodrising. #strugglebug. #mamastruggles. #introvert. #individuation. #shadoweork. #shadowworker. #healingvibes. #innerchild. #crewativity. #expressyourself. #moveyourbody. #loveyourbody. #selfloveallowsloveforothers. #selfcarefirst. (at Fairfield, Iowa)

Decompressing from a packed day of loving babies n mamas n papas and a packed week of life and loving (and sometimes growling) every moment of it. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for the discovery of #selflove, #selfcare, #selflovestories, & #selflovesept. Over the last year + some change, I have begun the glorious WORK - The Great Work, the most amazing MAGICK of my life, the most honorable journey of meeting my true self, underneath the many alluring veils of My Ego, – yes, the great one that serves me well but also that has lost touch with my inner wildness, – to become my truest Self. I can honestly say that I am grateful for every struggle that I have... even the ones that I hate, that are painful and triggering and sometimes traumatizing. I am learning how to be respectful of my own space, and that helps me to respect others more too. I can’t proclaim the benefits of Shadow Work and Self Love enough. Just as an example, I watched as many kids today and many days this month as I did this time last year. But this month has been a breeze. I have loved it. I have felt so respected, and honored, and loved, and being able help others boosts my energy and general happiness levels. I know my journey of self love and shadow work has helped to cultivate a healthier and happier me, because I feel so much healthier and happier these last few months. It’s a slow going journey sometimes. Often I look at all the journals around me and wonder where I get off. But then I re-read the journals... And I fall in love with the process. I feel shame sometimes, pity, and anger but I am so often just able to forgive myself now - forgive, relate, and integrate - my mantra. I don’t hate what I write anymore. More importantly, I don’t hate the girl writing it. I see her as the maiden/mother/crone in transition and sweeping up all her old hairs and split ends from a really good wash/detangling/trim. Goddess bless my lovely bones, and the treasures and loves I’m lucky enough to call friends, family, and loves. 🌔🌚✨🌟🌞🌺🐇🕷🕸🐖🐾💚 (at Fairfield, Iowa)

Can I make a recommendation? Give yourself a little congratulatory pep talk in your journal, so that you can find it two months later and feel all nice inside about it! Thanks Past Me, I am doing a pretty ok job at personing and I appreciate that you noticed 😊🌟 #journal #selflovesept