#selfinflicteddespair

On Thursday I called my mum hysterically crying. I told her all I wanted to do was lie down and die. She told me I’ve been saying these exact words come the beginning of every school year since the first grade. It seems we have a trend.

But honestly, doesn’t lying down in some sun-kissed meadow to simply decompose back into the earth sound glorious? To become one with nothing and thus everything. To disapear. That’s all I wanted.

Or how about running away? As my mum attempted to console me on the other end of the line my mind traveled to far off places, to lands where people weren’t slaves to societal norms and expectations; Where one could walk around without that incessant feeling of panic welling up inside them birthed from pure loneliness - or worse - a desire to be lonely. Closeing oneself off to the world around them is easy because it’s safe - at least then there’s no rejection.