#self-reflecting

Every day it’s spent I stay in my room

In my room

And I wonder if it’s all too

Too lonely for me

Do I have any friends

Or two

I take them

For granted

Claimed

My feet never knows how to dance

My voice only knows how to speak

My fingers can hold no instrument

My strength is too weak for games

She can dance to every beat

She can sing every note

She can play any instruments

She can win in any sports

We are north pole and south pole

We are positive and negative

But I am her and she is me

I hope, I wish, I pray, I ask ...

... that someone, somewhere can see how deep the pain is

...that someone, somewhere can feel how hollow this loneliness

...that someone, somewhere will notice that I'm faking happiness and stillness

...that someone, somewhere will know how much I try to fight back

...that someone,somewhere is wishing me luck and joy

...that someone, somewhere is fighting with me

I’ve noticed a pattern in my behavior, not necessarily a bad thing, but I am quite repetitive in my interpersonal relationships/ when in the process of socializing.

I think I’m trying to recreate what in the past seemed to work. Similar to the psychology of reward and punishment, I’ve learned what to do and not to.         I tend to tell the same joke as I’ve seen it be successful before, go to the same places, do the same things, just that it’s with different people. I don’t even realize I’m doing it at first, but then I’m lying on the ground again saying the same lines. I even listen to the same songs at the same places.