#self examination

Jessica Bahr

I examine my fast heartbeat with a Stemoscope and an ECG app that’s linked to my Polar H10.

Any doctors out there that want to give a second opinion?

✦ not participating is not the same as failing ✦

✦ ᛉ ᚨ ᚷ ᛟ ✦

I start wondering if this is on me.

Maybe I’m doing it wrong.

Maybe I’m trying too hard.

Maybe I should relax harder.

That sentence alone feels suspicious.

Everyone else seems to “get it.”

Drop.

Float.

Go somewhere.

I stay.

Awake doesn’t feel wrong.

It just feels…

intact.

Maybe I’m not a bad subject.

Maybe I’m just not a subject.

Buzz blobs! (also venting a bit tldr)

Ya know there are days where I really wish my art wasn't some micro niche, I keep having this dream of being popular enough to trade for things other artists have made. Like I don't really have a want for money, really, but I'd love filling my little house with the literal treasures other people have made. Like trading one of my Dragons for a dragon someone carved out of soapstone, right? Most of that I know in reality would be a logistical nightmare. Like I know my dragons are neat (kinda) but I couldn't begin to put a value to any of it because it's so niche. And selling something that takes 12 labor hours to make for 20 bucks becomes wasted effort. I don't know I know I should just experiment and see if anything I make would sell for that in a shop somewhere but Man I think I'd be shocked if someone actually bought something at the minimum price I'd have to sell it for.

I still waffle on the idea of simply doing art tutorials on youtube or something but that's also alot of skills I really don't have. Heck I still haven't really figured out the best way to take pictures of these things. (And my own voice annoys me)

Little breast cancer PSA brought to you by Yuki Judai.