#self conscience

Kept me focused on whats real and nothing else

I find it healthy to conversate with myself

My native-speaking friends are always so kind and explain whenever I don’t understand something. They have never, ever said anything mean to me. It’s the opposite, actually. They’re really sweet and patient.

This is something I have reflected on for quite some time now personally but I recently had the chance to talk about it with my roommate (who also has ADHD) who had also come to this conclusion lately. I don’t know if it’s an ADHD trait or something else but talking together I’ve gotten to see that I’m not alone in this assessment.

I have a weird love-hate relationship with social interactions. I’m more or less of a people person depending on who these people are and the context of the interactions. I’m fine in more serious situations that require a certain poise and tact to the exchange. Which is weird considering the social quirks I seem to have. However these tend to stick out more in more casual and friendly social encounters. I admit that I am what my mother likes to call an “odd bird”. I’m not necessarily weird per se but I have quirks that can take a certain getting used to. This being said, I’ve noticed that my biggest struggle is anything that involves conversations with many people. I seem better fit for one on one interactions so the moment 2 becomes 3 don’t ask me why, but I seem to glitch.

I somehow suddenly feel like I no longer belong in the conversation. That these people are leading lives that are totally different than mine. That I’m some alien species trying to understand what these earthlings are doing. And it’s not just that. I’m very hyper-aware of myself, others and my surroundings. This causes me to sometimes feel as if I’m not on the same plane of existence as others. It’s not just a question of perception or maturity, but at times I feel like I’m more aware or “awake” if that can make any sense. I see things and analyse the world in a way that clearly escapes other’s visions.