#self comparison

Do yourself this one big favor and just unfollow (and block if you need to) all of the people who make you upset, bring back bad memories, all of the people you find yourself negatively comparing yourself to (“she’s so pretty, I’ll never look like her.” “I wish I had that body. I need to keep following her for motivation to lose weight” “why can’t my face/ body look like that?”) and anybody who posts things that aren’t either inspiring you, making you happy, uplifting you or reminding you to continue healing and growing in the right direction. You get to choose who and what you interact with on social media, as well as who interacts with you. So choose to follow and interact with accounts and people who inspire you, who lift you up and bring you joy and peace, those who teach you how to healthily cope and help you follow your dreams and reach your goals.

Today I found myself comparing my progress with that of others. Specifically, I was on LinkedIn and saw some old classmates’ profiles and I started self-comparing, thinking how slow and how not-so-smart I am. I immediately recognised this as an ego trap. I’m not even interested in pursuing the same career paths as my classmates, so what was I so sad about?

So many expectations are placed upon our shoulders as we grow up. And then we go and internalise them to the point we don’t even notice they weren’t ours in the first place. So how to let go of them? Well, to be perfectly honest I think we will always carry them, if not as some heavy weight then at least as a mark on our skin, always reminding us that we’re not enough.

But just because a mark has been inflicted upon you it doesn’t mean you have to live by it. You choose your own guiding principles. You can breathe in, feel the air as it fills your lungs, and breathe out all those images of what-you-could-have-been. You are you, whatever you want ‘you’ to mean. I think that once we start recongising that each being has their own intrinsic value, self-comparison becomes evidently silly.

I wanted to write a post on this topic because with social media having a tremendous presence in our lives it has become easy to continuously compare one’s self to others. I’ve compared myself to other social media influencers in the study community (especially on Instagram), as well as my friends while at school and I believe it to be an unproductive waste of time... Please consider reading this blog post if you have experienced something similar! 

I compared myself and was compared to other children by adults since kindergarten. It was even more dominant in elementary and middle school because I attended an arts high school; therefore, our teachers constantly compared us to students who were doing the best in their classes. This was detrimental to all of us because we could be praised one day and scorned for making a mistake  the next. Bad days were not allowed.

During my undergraduate years, I couldn’t shake this bad habit. I felt like other students were my competition and I had to do better. I would often compare my grades to my friends because I thought that they were doing “better than me”. I felt bad that they were receiving straight A’s or were always getting a higher grade than me on a test... It took me a couple of years to learn that grades are an extrinsic motivator and that I shouldn’t compare my performance with my friends. 

During one of my psychology courses, we discussed the social comparison theory. The theory states that we determine our own social and personal worth based on how we stack up against others we perceive as somehow faring better or worse. It can be good if we compare ourselves to others as a way of fostering self-improvement, motivation and a have a positive image of the self. However, because we’re constantly evaluating ourselves and others, these evaluations can also promote judgmental, biased, competitive or superior attitudes. According to THIS article, some research has shown that people who often compare themselves to others report negative feelings of deep dissatisfaction, envy, guilt and remorse. By comparing yourself with others you can ruin your self-esteem, THIS article discusses it in more detail. 

I had to learn to stop comparing my progress with my friends and motivate myself to work smarter so that I could finally have a place on the dean’s list. I would set specific goals for each semester that I would like to achieve. I also experimented with different studying techniques, etc. and started blogging about my academic experience, which helped me focus on myself and my personal progress... It worked! I received straight A’s my senior year of undergrad and ended up on the dean’s list, twice! You can read more about it HERE. 

However, this is not the only thing I ended up achieving in undergrad! I also studied abroad, volunteered during orientation weeks and taught a freshman seminar course, as well as interned at the office for international education, completed a practicum at a hospital and volunteered at a psychology lab! My academic achievements were complimented not only by improved grades but also by fulfilling extracurricular activities! 

I don’t know if this post was motivating or thought provoking but I hope that by sharing about this I can reach people who have gone through similar experiences! The important take away message of this post is this: don’t set yourself up for failure by comparing yourself to others! 

Have you ever had an interest in doing/learning something new, but were apprehensive about doing it because you looked at another person’s work and thought something along the lines of, “Wow, I can never [insert skill/hobby] like them.”? Well, you ain’t alone.

See, that sort of thinking is what stopped me from drawing for most of my life. I used to be really into sketching when I was a kid, but stopped because I genuinely thought I was terrible at drawing. Thusly, in order to tell stories without the need of visuals, I turned to writing. Though I can’t quite remember a lot from back then, I assume I wrote A LOT during those early years, considering my writing skills at my current age are what I’d consider to be my best skill when it comes to the creative arts.

Alongside this, I’d also consider myself to be pretty darn good at singing. This, much like writing, took years of practice and diligence. Going through years of choir rehearsal, along with one on one voice lessons really helped me improve my vocal technique and make me a better singer overall.

Point being, my being at the skill level that I’m currently at with both writing and singing took years of practice, and that’s okay! Skills like this don’t just happen overnight, and there are still things I’m learning and working to improve upon as I practice these passions of mine. This is a lesson I’m currently trying to teach myself with art, seeing as I only recently started actively drawing and ESPECIALLY getting used to doing digital art in the past few days.