#self commitment

COMMITTING TO YOURSELF | KEEP YOUR INTERNAL PROMISES

Hello friends, 

This week I've been struggling with really prioritising my goals that are outside my 9 - 5 workday. 

I am a journalist, so my industry is very much touch and go and I am often working outside the 9 - 5 hours, making it a challenge to create the time to focus and work on my other goals. 

This is something I hated to discover and it definitely has put a damper on the process of other things I'm working on, particularly when I'm sitting behind a computer for much of the day - my eyes get tired and I'm ready to sleep by the end of it. 

To combat this I've been meditating in a mindful and intentional way - to help give myself the motivation to work on my other stuff; I've been actively trying to set small and achievable daily goals that all contribute to the long term success of my other goals and I've been consistently exercising in the morning to get my body energised and started to take on the day, but I still find it challenging to fit in my own things around the constraints and pressure of work.

I find myself often asking the question - why do I complete and commit to the tasks other people give me (i.e. my boss), but not to the ones I give myself? 

The answer to this is uncomfortable and sticky - there are consequences outside myself to not completing tasks assigned to me. 

heyy guys!!!

I wanted to finally introduce myself. My name is Bella, but you can call me Alpha 👋🏾. I started this page earlier in the year bc i had a vision for myself. I’ve been spending the past couple of years getting to know myself after ...

I see my my vision in 3 stages. The first one, phase one, is all about establishing who i am as a woman. Femininity is so unfamiliar to me. In my home, it wasn't anything i was every encouraged to explore. So when i moved out and had to start dealing with the real word i found myself having a hard time finding my place.

This was especially discouraging it came to dating. I have always had a desire to be in a relationship, but i never fully understood how rooted in trauma and loneliness that feeling was until i had been rejected my someone at the beginning for the year. My naivety was a turn off to him, and i felt like i was aware of all the dumb shit i was doing, but i didn’t know any better.

Not to say this journey is about trying to make myself more attractive to men, that is only and aspect, but the situation make me aware enough to realize that i wasn’t loving myself to to fullest. And these cracks in my self love and self care would be the detriment tho the pursuit of my desires.

“I would say I’m sorry if I really meant it”

I apologize to myself for getting in my own way. I apologize for always holding myself back and procrastinating on my happiness and self worth. I apologize for letting outside influences dictate how I feel and how I think. I apologize for putting you last when I put everyone and everything first. I apologize for giving too much of myself to those who didn’t deserve it and for putting my trust in the wrong people. 

Even though I cannot go back and correct everything that has happened, all mistakes are just lessons to learn from. So here are my commitments to myself. I commit to no longer get in my own way. I commit to work on letting go of past habits and behaviors. I commit to relearning how to love myself. I commit to letting go of toxic people and toxic energy. I commit to find what makes me happy. I commit to becoming a stronger version of myself. I commit to becoming more understanding and not be so close minded. I commit to accepting my flaws and enhancing those which are possible to enhance. I commit to no longer let people who don’t have my best interests at heart influencing my thinking.