#seijistopit

Been thinking about how my family keeps talking to me about my future. Like well, it feels like im not doing enough and every time i confront them cuz well SURPRISE its gets tiring.... they just tell me they want the best for me.... grandma tells me that she would like to leave this world knowing im pretty set up in life. 

Dunno and just now I thought.... have they ever asked if im happy? have they ever talked about anything else besides work? I understand what I have to do, obviously i dont like at all my work situation cuz fuck, I really wanna do my own life and be independent already. 

Its funny how my situation has changed like in 1 year. 

A year ago I was busy working all day in the animation studio and welp didnt have much time for friends or family. My anxiety got not so badly like in uni but it was bothering me cuz I was feeling lonely and all of that. Talked this with my psychologist of that time and told me to be more involved in social stuff and yeah, more or less did that. (family didnt talk about work at this time and in a form it was peacedul) But now that I work from my house cuz its freelance and got more free time to hang out with friends and see my family more often.... it comes to this constant of knowing I gotta find a better job... or even find something else to do ..... cuz apparently Im doing NOTHING. 

Oh, and also I have talked about how I feel with grandma about this daily talk.

She wont understand... even if I repeat and explain it so many times. For her, she isnt doing anything bad. Nah, its ok. Let my brain start overthinking and go back to an episode of anxiety cuz YEAH, you feel that you are not doing anything bad and its for my own good. 

So yeah, my rambling of the day. Im feeling pretty alright really cuz my friends are like my lifesaver in this vast ocean that Im afraid to drown someday. 

Its a good day today even with these thoughts.

No dark thoughts today either.