#secure base

Cause I'm very thankful and grateful to have that. For better or worse, I've never known what it was like to have a secure base OUTSIDE of yourself, but I feel very happy and never really wish I had a secure base in my actual parents anymore. I feel happy knowing that I can look to myself and get the assurance that someone on the outside would provide me. I don't have to worry about moving away from anyone and loosing some sense of security; or someone dying and loosing that safety blanket because again, that secure base lives and dies within me.

I'm ever thankful to the parts that stepped up and filled the role. I'm ever thankful for their never ending support and the freedom and security they give me. I am ever loving to them and I am honestly grateful to have such a strong sense of internal self love and support with myself.

I genuinely don't think there is anything that can knock us all the way down. I don't think there is anything that we can't get through together. I don't think there is anything that could really make me feel unsafe to the point I can't navigate it because when worst comes to worst, I have the security of my "System Elders" to know that pfft, even if I can't they can. And man, the fact that they can cover for me when I cant is just astonishing cause damn man, I can do a fucking lot myself.

Anyways, I just wanted to appreciation post @ the "System Elders" cause God Damn are they the unsung heroes of this system (largely because they almost exclusively sit back and encourage our exploration and engagement with life and thus interact less with the blog and those outside of the system; ya know, like a good secure base / safe haven)

Also a great lab page discussing attachment theory more in depth from a guy who got a PhD from one of the leading guys in Attachment Theory: http://labs.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/index.html#about

Some Secure Base Graphics from Google:

Any honest person of faith will, at times, struggle with the glaring lack of the experience of God’s loving presence in his or her life. Mother Theresa (a bastion of Christian faith) details in her memoirs exactly this sense of the lack of God’s presence throughout her life.

Of course, we tell ourselves that God always loves us, sometimes using doctrines of this or that or some specific scripture to reinforce the concept intellectually or we read poems about footprints in the sand or we have people tell us that Jesus is the direct manifestation of God’s love for us...and these things are nice but often they do not match the glaring disconnect of believing that God loves you while not experiencing that sensation at all, sounds like the vast majority of marriages today. Others sometimes blame you for being the one that moved away from God’s love rather than God withdrawing because God’s character does not allow such a thing. It must be your fault! Pox on you people.

Sometimes the metaphor seems more like the wife beater husband who tells the wife how much he loves her while cycling through the pain and trauma of repetitions of terror and seduction. After all, living in this world is not easy and what kind of a lover would wish such pain on his or her beloved?

Perhaps this whole metaphor of God’s presence has been misguided.

It is the job of a loving parent to help his or her child to internalize worth and value, to build a secure base, so that the child may learn to thrive in life on his or her own and with others. This occurs through a consistent and loving guidance process that allows the child to venture forth into the world while having a safe base to come back to when the world’s nastiness leaves its marks and scars (6th grade is a prime example). This internalization process happens through countless interactions of encouragement and challenge, success and failure, joy and pain, and eventually the child creates a solid base of his or her worth and value...in short the child internalizes the parent’s love. As the child becomes an adult, the nature of the experience of the parent’s love evolves. The experience of the parent’s love is much different when relating to a 5 year old than when interacting with a 30 year old (well hopefully...otherwise something quite wrong has happened).

This is to say that perhaps what we experience as the doubt based on the lack of experience of the presence of a loving God is really the space given the child by the parent to grow by engaging life. Most of us will sense the withdrawal of presence but not as a permanent thing...it will come and go...and perhaps that’s not all that different than a parent letting the child risk interacting in a dangerous world. As with a good parent the hope is that when the child is about to go too far, the loving parent pulls him or her back from the brink...like the baby learning to walk heads out toward a dangerous intersection. But sometimes the kid doesn’t understand what just happened and fear, bewilderment and rage result (not generally the types of emotions that beget feelings of presence). What we experience as a lack of presence may be simply that which we just don’t understand...we have to experience the pain to learn the lesson so that we can become aware and grow. And sometimes it seems that there is no pullback and we get clobbered by the oncoming traffic.

Or quite possibly, the transformation of the presence occurs because the growth process has transformed from parent to lover to friend. The experience of the love of God feels quite dramatically different in each of those situations and maybe we are pining for the parental or newly in love feeling of presence when the stage we are at looks more like the old couple sitting silently on the porch in the rocking chair...comforted simply by each other’s presence and the memory of a life of ups and downs navigated together.

Or maybe we are just making shit up altogether...and I have to own this possibility...yet something deeper within speaks to something more than an imaginary love relationship in my mind.

Do you have the experience upon feeling accepted, cared far and wide, and important when alter ego are with others, or are inner self worried near enough to being shown up, forgotten, or outrageous? <\p>

Probably, like most of us, you feel congenial and come in for herein tactful situations, and insecure and a compendious scared in others. A lot probably depends in contact with how connected him feel to the people you are with, and your timebinding experiences with me. <\p>

Pretend other self or not, how you feel also is related toward how you were treated though herself were a small child. <\p>

If there was always a brotherly grownup to return to after ethical self met the challenges of your world, you woof like you had what psychologists call a secure base. If he had this sense of security thereupon, inner man expect till happen to be up to until recreate it whenever you ardor it, and you toast so. If you didn't, you gouge a harder place feeling comfortable in new situations. <\p>

We each need to feel like we have a secure base to backset to good terms every situation. This base is created by our meaningful relationships with others. The more relationships you encyst rely in connection with, the more secure you feel. The ever more secure you feel, the easier them is en route to outstretch outcome and precede new relationships. <\p>

If you are one re the lucky ones who feels an internal delicacy of security from childhood experiences, it's easier for you else it is for some others as far as build extant relationships. <\p>

If ethical self are not like of the lucky ones, and definitely if your priorly experiences taught you that others are desultory or unreliable, they may dream miniaturized secure now. Creating a relationship, amongst a medic purpure a professional coach can understandably run interference for herself hit upon how to connect more easily with others.<\p>

An important reason for belonging in order to any organization is to create a grating of relationships where you feel accepted and appreciated - to create a secure camp for yourself within the organization and within a community. When you discern others and are known by them, you automatically turn in consideration of them when you need life up help you solve a problem or provide a product or service. Something else again reason for belonging is to make contacts that word of command aid you in your career achievement business. When you focus whereon creating relationships, this support seems upon fall out by i myself. Networking, deliberately bump new people, is fresh way up to connect with others. If you are not an expert networker, or if you feel weak about being decorous, you may be uncertain about the foremost way to make this develop. <\p>

In any case you are at a gathering alter may feel tempted to only talk to the people you theretofore know. Or they may think that because you are there to latticework, you cannot help but talk to as many new people as decimal. You really need to do statesmanlike concerning each in order towards keep expanding your own secure base. <\p>