curvy ftm and afab folks who want to look more masc/gender-neutral: this one’s for you
this post is NOT to say that you have to look a certain way to “pass” as your gender identity or that not “passing” makes you less trans/enby/genderqueer. you are valid regardless of how you dress.
that being said, i know that clothing and how it fits can be a massive dysphoria-inducing situation for us all. i’ve worked in retail for over 5 years and can tell you that it’s really, really hard to find things that fit you just right. it’s also easy to beeline for the men’s section when trying to look more masc, but so many of those pieces just won’t look as masc on anyone who isn’t skinny and not curvy — i say this as a person who bought several pairs of men’s jeans and was disappointed by the fact that i still looked curvy in them.
i want to give y’all some pointers that i’ve discovered work well for curvy afab folks to appear more masc because hey, boobs and butts exist and can be a real pain when dysphoria hits.
**DISCLAIMER** i don’t have a wide range of knowledge for plus-size afab folks, regrettably. the largest size that my advice will likely help is a US 14 or 16.
pants: look in the women’s section for bermuda shorts. i’ve found that Old Navy women’s shorts can be really great for appearing more neutral; you’ll want to look for something with between a 7″ and 9″ (18-23 cm) inseam, depending on your leg length. very few places carry more than a 9″ inseam, but you can always look! men’s cargo shorts are also an excellent option — the need for roomy pockets means that the shorts will fit more loosely and “hang” on you better. men’s jeans are really hard to get right re. fit because designers don’t seem to think that men can have wide hips. in general, skinny jeans can fit okay, but you’re better off with a straight or athletic cut.
shirts: men’s button-downs can work for some of us, but it can be hit or miss. avoid slim-fit button-downs if you can — they’ll hug your hips in the wrong ways. you’re better off with a regular-fit shirt, possibly in a size up from what precisely fits your body (e.g. i can fit a men’s small tee shirt, but i buy medium button-downs). if you have a shorter torso like me, avoid shopping at Gap at all costs, as they cater heavily towards tall men with torsos longer than 26″.
shoes: those of us with smaller feet (smaller than a US size 9-10) will struggle to find masc dress shoes. the best thing i can recommend is women’s loafers, flats with laces, and boots; these do a great job of masking the femme-ness of the shoe. this is a small thing that can really boost your confidence in your Look.
accessories: rings!! chunky rings are an excellent way to beef up a look. ties and wider belts are also a nice addition. suspenders can be hit or miss for minimizing the appearance of boobs, in my experience, but they make me feel more masc. leather and fingerless gloves are also a fun way to make your look edgier, which can connote masculinity because it’s “rough”. finally, the underwear you wear could help you feel less dysphoric, as long as you’re in a safe enough place where you can wear the underwear you like. boyshorts or boxer briefs are good choices, in my experience. regular boxers can be hard if your pants fit your thighs particularly tightly, but experiment a bit and see what works!
where can i shop?: thredUP is an excellent site for second-hand clothes, replete with measurements for shirt length, inseams, bust, and waist. they do not currently have a men’s section, but i’ve found multiple men’s shirts in with the women’s. they also have a TON of accessories and shoes. (the link i attached takes you to my referral, so you can get a little money to spend and i get credit!!) Old Navy is my go-to for “fast fashion” because the clearance section in-store is SO much cheaper than online. i’ve bought jeans there for under $5 and tees for $0.99. you can also find a lot of Old Navy items listed on thredUP if you figure out your sizes. Poshmark may be a rough place to try to sell your clothing because of the massive number of items listed, but it makes it easy to buy things at a discount. the selection is really great. i’ve found plenty of athletic sneakers lightly used and listed for below $30. you can filter by size and color, if you need something very specific.
concluding thoughts: this is not a comprehensive list by any means and my experience is not all-encompassing for the non-cis afab experience. when you’re trying to establish a new wardrobe to fit your gender identity, you’ll do well to shop clearance and second-hand as much as possible to get the most bang for your buck. don’t be afraid to buy things to try on at home if trying clothes on in the store is triggering. many thrift stores will let you return things within a couple weeks of purchase, just like smaller stores. shopping second-hand is also very ecologically responsible, as it keeps clothes out of landfills.
feel free to add your advice and other websites for shopping, if you know any, particularly for plus size folks! if i said anything incorrectly or something that is particularly problematic, PLEASE message me, as the “comments” section is not the most constructive place to have a discussion.
<3
