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Something quiet is shifting.
After a long stretch of searching and trying to think my way into alignment,
I’m finally feeling things fall into place—not in my mind, but in my chest, in my gut, in the way I exhale.
Where I once needed logic to justify my choices, now I just feel the truth of them.
There’s a soft returning happening—a spark in my eyes when I catch my own smile in the mirror.
It feels like becoming.
It feels like breathing in my own skin.
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Calling roll, calling role.
Why don't tears work when you need them or want them? I'm in pain, I'm in sorrow, I'm in depression, I'm in misery, I'm in burdens. My heart is burning with hurt, and one way they can be relieved is by being quenched by tears. To sigh saline from my eyes is more effective than a miniscule sigh of breath. Tears and feelings have been hard to get. It's like even though I could be in pain, or sorrow, or guilt, it doesn't affect me as much. As though the heart that was once stone, eventually began to erode and dullen after clashing with chains, knives, hammers, the ground, and meteors. It hurts that I can't feel when I want to feel, or that I can't share what I want to feel. It's frustrating. Truly. And I can't keep people with me, or people can't stay with me even in times where I need them the most, but just can't show or say it. Calling, roll, but my class is empty. Calling roles, but the roles are empty. Sigh.
