#feelingsuck

Me: Uhmm, better question.. when did you start?

It’s like a part of me is scared to open up, to let people in and to trust..  

well sometimes i just want to express myself, yet have no control on what and how and even why, but i just need to find that way and explode, whether its talking to someone, or whatever, now days its hard to talk to someone because its just too hard with social media in the way, it becomes a filter, and sometimes a filter is a good thing and sometimes its a bad think, it makes me filter life, my words and myself, and my only response to that is that i am a broken person, i want to be fixed, cared and healed but its hard because i know the first step and is to open myself, but there is far too much and im scared to scare others with what i say. i like to show im happy and that there is nothing wrong, because i feel like there is something wrong all the time. i lied im not scared of opening up because of someone getting a new burden, im scared because they might leave me, and i dont want to be alone... i always feel alone... and my mind is poisonous, thats why i read, distract myself, but its all bottling up now, and it's nearly full.. i dont think i can handle it anymore, i just need a day to talk to someone, have someone listen to me for once, but i dont have the time anymore. i think its too late

missing you