#sdj

Lyla: I NEVER want to see you again.

Ian: N-no Lyla, please wait—!

I can explain!!

Lyla... I'm going to solve everything...

I promise.

"Oh Ian, forgive me for breaking up with you, let's get married now!"

Ooh-oh, yeah Ooh-ooh I never needed you to be strong I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs I never needed pain, I never needed strain My love for you was strong enough, you should've known I never needed you for judgment I never needed you to question what I spent I never asked for help, I take care of myself I don't know why you think you got a hold on me And it's a little late for conversations There isn't anything for you to say And my eyes hurt, hands shiver So look at me and listen to me, because I don't want to stay another minute I don't want you to say a single word Hush, hush, hush, hush There is no other way, I get the final say, because I don't want to do this any longer I don't want you, there's nothing left to say Hush, hush, hush, hush I've already spoken, our love is broken Baby, hush hush I never needed your corrections On everything from how I act to what I say I never needed words, I never needed hurt I never needed you to be there every day I'm sorry for the way I let go On everything I wanted when you came along But I ain't never beatin', broken not defeated I know next to you is not where I belong And it's a little late for explanations There isn't anything that you can do And my eyes hurt, hands shiver So you will listen when I say (Baby) I don't want to stay another minute I don't want you to say a single word Hush, hush, hush, hush There is no other way, I get the final say, because I don't want to do this any longer I don't want you, there's nothing left to say Hush, hush, hush, hush I've already spoken, our love is broken Baby, hush, hush At first I was afraid, I was petrified Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side But I spent oh so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong But I grew strong, I learned how to carry on Oh (Hush, hush, hush, hush) I've already spoken Our love is broken, baby Oh no, not I, I will survive Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give, but I will survive I will survive, hey, hey Hush, hush, hush, hush There is no other way I get the final say I don't want to do this any longer I don't want you, there's nothing left to say Hush, hush, hush, hush I've already spoken, our love is broken Baby, hush, hush

Alice never needed Ian to be strong or "manly." She loved him for his kind heart and how being with him made her feel safe and loved.

Sadly, she doesn't feel that way anymore.

It's hard to feel safe when your partner cheated on you, even if it was "just" one time. Even if they claim that they will never do it again.

Such claims fall short when a partner already claimed that they would never cheat and that you're the only one they want.

It's hard to feel loved when your partner proves through their actions that you're just not enough to satisfy them, even if it was "only" in a single moment of "weakness."

What happens the next time Ian feels weak, lonely, vulnerable, and tempted?

Trust, when broken, is so difficult to repair.

Alice thought that she understood Ian better than anybody. She believed that the gestures that he made to show that he cared and was looking out for her meant that he was mindful of her feelings and needs. He just... struggled at times. He was so wounded, so consumed by his own self-loathing and trauma that he couldn't see that some things he said or did hurt her. He was lost in his own pain sometimes and needed help to escape it. She needed to be strong for him.

Alice just never thought that she would have to be the strong one so much of the time. Ian was so broken. He needed her and her love to keep himself together. He always said as such. He always said that she was the only one who made him feel loved.

Ian always claimed that Alice was the only one he desired too. It didn't matter that she didn't look skinny yet voluptuous like all of his fictional crushes or the main characters in his favorite manga. What mattered was that she was real and not just a fantasy.

Fantasies are just fantasies after all, and Ian needed someone as kind, loving, and supportive as Alice to love him.

Alice truly believed that he didn't judge her for her looks like so many people did. But it was hard not to feel like he would prefer it if she was different, if she was skinny like a model or the characters in porn ecchi.

Alice has the curves. She's soft and cuddly, with the big boobs and booty like Ian lusts for. She just doesn't have the unrealistically itty bitty waist, skinny legs, or slim arms to go with them.

Ian never complained about her appearance or weight. He was helpful, suggesting changes in diet and means of weight loss because, well, everyone always says that being overweight is unhealthy. Besides, Alice was always bothered by her weight and how people saw her. He understood what it was like to have unattractive features after all. He worked hard to change himself so that others weren't repulsed by him, so he would help her do the same. It's what a good partner does, right?

Alice always saw that as Ian being thoughtful. He was just looking out for her. It didn't mean that he was unsatisfied with her body. He himself told her how he only wanted her, both with love or with lust. A flaw didn't mean that he didn't see her as beautiful and worthy.

The cheating totally destroyed that perception.

The affair partner looked exactly like a porn ecchi star, with the figure that most people would kill for. She was sexually liberated, flirty, and confident. She wore revealing clothes that Alice felt too self-conscious to go out in public in.

Ian swore up and down that he and the affair partner were only friends. He said the her flirty behavior made him uncomfortable at times with how touchy she was, how it only made him miss Alice all the more. Alice believed him when he said that he found other people "weird" and undesirable, unlike her.

Yet Ian still cheated. He still called Alice from the affair partner's bedroom, covered in another woman's lipstick and bite marks. Even as he stank of sex and betrayal, he was in tears, begging for her understanding and forgiveness.

Ian couldn't even explain to himself how it happened. He didn't want to accept

Alice kept overlooking all the problems even as they mounted up over time. It was just what you did in a relationship, wasn't it? Everyone is flawed. Everyone has problems. Heaven knows she has many, which people (especially bullies) had no problem pointing out all the time.

Ian didn't intentionally act judgmental, but he was raised on judgement. Every flaw was thrown into his face by his mother, by his peers, and by society at large. It was impossible for him not to see the flaws in himself and others because of it. Even though he always saw himself as the one with the most flaws of anyone.

It was so hard to call out such behavior when it was so easy to make Ian cry and think the worst of himself. He needed therapy, but was too afraid to seek it out. Alice didn't want to push him. She hoped that her love and support might be enough to help him heal.

Ian never meant to hurt Alice, so she never took it personally. She knew that he didn't want to hurt her.

It was Shaun who helped Alice to see that, intentional or not, it wasn't right that Ian hurt Alice in so many ways.

It's easier to see red flags and toxic behaviors from the outside looking in. It's frustrating seeing someone letting their partner, family, or whoever abusing them and taking advantage of their kindness. Being in that sort of situation messes with perception, and it gets harder for the person in the toxic relationship to realize just how unbalanced things are.

Shaun helped Alice see what she had been overlooking for so long. The cheating incident, though terrible, was a necessary pain to show her that Ian isn't always an innocent victim.

Ian never meant to hurt Alice, but that doesn't negate the pain he caused. It doesn't erase the selfishness from his actions just because they were done in a moment of weakness and impulse.

Alice loved Ian so deeply, sacrificed so much for him. She couldn't imagine a future without him for so long. The cheating forced her to see who Ian really is and to stop treating him with kid gloves.

Ian is a grown adult. They're not children anymore. They are young, but they're already in their 20s. Ian knew what he did was wrong. He knew so much of what he did was wrong and he did it anyway.

Alice never deserved to be treated the way she was. Her desire to help Ian didn't give him a pass to take advantage of her kindness.

Alice forgave Ian again and again because his tears hurt her so badly. She's weak to people crying and suffering, especially if she cares for them.

That's why Alice doesn't want to talk to Ian again. Hearing the pain in his voice and his desperate promises and reminders of what they once had absolutely guts her. A part of her still wants to take away his pain.

But she can't. Shaun helped Alice realize that she doesn't deserve to be in pain just to spare Ian of his.

It took a lot of processing for Alice to see that the love she had for Ian, the one that felt safe and happy with him as her partner, was gone. She still loved him, but it wasn't the same type of love anymore. It was something toxic and painful.

Alice knows now that there is no future for the two of them. Maybe there never really was. Maybe the relationship they had was just one of convenience, of desperation. She was the only one in Ian's corner, the only one supporting and caring for him. Of course he would think fondly of her.

Ian is a man with a high libido. Of course he'd want to have sex with the only person willing to be with him that way.

Now Ian has other options. He might not want to accept it, but his actions prove that they are simply incompatable.

It doesn't stop Alice from loving Ian or longing for what they had... what she thought they had, and the future that she imagined for them. It's painful to think of any of it. It's painful to even think his name, let alone be reminded of him or hear his voice.

So Alice just wants it all to hush. There's nothing left to say. She doesn't want to hear from Ian again because all it does is make the pain worse.

This is the end of them. The relationship they had, be it romantic or as friends, is broken. Alice knows it. Ian is just in denial about it.

Alice wants to move on and never think about Ian or hear his voice again. She also wants the guilt to stop.

So, yeah, the song indeed fits quite well. Thanks for sharing it with me!