#sculmask

It's a difficult thing for Mitsuru to admit aloud, but Shinji has seen her at her worst and still been here for her, still cared about her. She feels terrified for the future as much as she feels hopeful, and sometimes she doesn't know how to balance those two extremes behind the poised nature she's been taught since she was young to embody. But Shinji has seen her weak, scared, crying, broken, and he's stayed by her side. So this admission, saying this to him, even if the words aren't comfortable in her mouth, won't be used against her. She trusts him with them. With her.

(from sculmask!)

he  doesn't  speak  at  first,  because  shinjiro  refuses  to  try  to  soothe  her  with  empty  platitudes.  beyond  the  fact  that  kirijo  is  too  smart  for  that  to  work  is  the  simple  reality  that  she  is  worth  more  than  vague  promises  that  everything  will  be  alright,  or  that  she'll  find  a  way  through  somehow.

they  both  have  seen  enough  of  this  world  to  know  that  sometimes,  things  aren't  so  easy.  sometimes,  you  lose  -  even  when  you're  mitsuru  kirijo,  the  strongest  person  he's  ever  known.  they're  both  realists.  he  won't  promise  something  he  isn't  sure  he  can  deliver  with  his  own  two  hands,  and  for  that,  shinji  refuses  to  soothe  her  with  a  simple  you're  going  to  be  fine.  he  can't,  because  honestly,  he  doesn't  know  if  he's  strong  enough  for  this  either.  how  could  he  be  ?  how  could  any  of  them  be  ? 

their  leader  was  the  glue  that  held  them  together,  and  now  he's  gone.  at  that  point,  what  is  there  to  do  but  fall  apart  ?

but  shinjiro  has  already  fallen  apart.  he's  spent  enough  time  holding  his  fucked  up  little  pieces  together  that  the  notion  no  longer  scares  him.

so  come  to  think  of  it,  he  does  know  what  he  wants  to  say.  he  knows  what  he  can  give  her  -  what  he  can  promise,  with  as  much  certainty  as  there  is  in  anything.

he  puts  his  hand  over  hers  where  it  rests  on  the  edge  of  his  hospital  bed.

“  i'm  still  here,  princess.  ain't  goin'  anywhere  if  i  can  help  it.  there's  no  one  here  you've  gotta  be  strong  for  right  now.  ”

it  silences  him.  brows  furrow,  shinji's  natural  instinct  to  respond  with  anger,  because  why  does  aki  always  have  to  be  so  damn  argumentative  ?  but  he  hesitates.  is  that  really  what  the  problem  is  ?  is  he  annoyed  because  aki  is  disagreeing  with  him  before  he  can  even  get  the  words  out,  or  is  it  something  else  ?  is  it  you  are  not  a  burden,  spoken  neither  rough  nor  soft,  but  simply  stated  as  fact,  like  aki  was  updating  him  on  the  weather  ?

fists  weakly  clench  the  thick  blanket  draped  over  his  legs.  that  he  cant  ball  it  up  and  smack  this  guy  upside  the  head  with  it  only  serves  to  further  embitter  the  bile  in  shinji's  throat.

“  shut  up.  i  don't  wanna  hear  it  from  you.  ”  well,  he  can  always  rely  on  old  faithful  :  shutting  the  conversation  down  outright.  “  you  don't  know  a  goddamn  thing.  ”

“  you're  a  pain  in  my  ass,  you  know  that  ?  "  and  yet,  despite  his  griping,  shinjiro  is  the  one  who  followed  akihiko  to  his  room  to  harass  him  about  his  injuries  in  the  first  place.  on  top  of  that,  he's  already  halfway  across  the  room  to  him  before  he  even  has  the  chance  to  ask.  (  but,  you  see,  if  he  didn't  put  up  a  fuss  over  it,  aki  might  be  tempted  to  think  it's  okay  to  be  as  reckless  as  he  is.  hell,  he  might  be  more  reckless.  so  the  drama  is  necessary.  ) 

“  arms  up.  and  don't  bitch  if  it  hurts  -  you're  the  one  who  went  ‘n  got  injured.  ”  and  yet,  when  he  starts  to  lift  the  man’s  shirt,  it's  with  a  distinct  gentleness.

The slow exhale of his breath trembles slightly as the other bed shifts a bit beneath Strohl's weight. "Sorry if I woke you..." He doesn't think he did, but he's sorry for it anyway, the words feeling appropriate for making a sound at all. "I csnt sleep. I was going to see if Fabienne had something to drink. Do you want me to bring you something?" Victor doesn't drink much alcohol, knowing it can take a quick toll on his small frame, but there's an itch of mourning behind his exhausted eyes, and he thinks even something watered down would help him sleep a little better tonight.

Sleep is elusive, as it always is. He makes a great show of pretending everything is fine but only so that no one worries over him. Yet with Victor, he finds it so easy to let those walls down, and Strohl both relishes it and disdains himself for it. Victor has enough to contend with himself, he doesn't need to add Strohl's problems to his worries.

Yet when Victor calls, his voice a mere whisper in the night, Strohl turns toward him immediately, as if he'd simply been waiting for the opportunity to talk.

Strohl shook his head. "I wasn't asleep," he assures him. "Hmm, why don't we go together?"

He can't help but notice the weight on Victor's shoulders and the way exhaustion rims his eyes. Without thinking, he places his hand on his shoulder. There's few words that can be said to ease either of their pains and on some level he knows that.

Music was her one escape out in public. The feeling of her ears muffled and the music overlaying the world, drowning out all else around her. She could exist in this makeshift bubble for a time. It was easier to keep her smile in place when there was an upbeat tune in her ear, and the numbness was a familiar comfort.

However, there were a few she had started to feel differently around. Her brother first and foremost, he was a constant comfort, but the others too. Visions of their faces flashed through her mind, but the one that lingered was...

There he was. Kotone removed one of her ear phones to listen, then smiled.