While other people are out here dropping Kinktober prompt lists with 9000 stipulations, I bring you this.
It's not a real October event, but it could be if you believe. The prompts are here for anyone to enjoy anyway.
Why "schlock"?
It means trash/junk, and that's the quality of content I'm striving for with these prompts. It's also fun to say.
But, y'know, if you want to take a prompt and turn it into a masterpiece of a whumpy longfic, go for it.
What fandom is this for?
Whatever fandom you want.
What ships can I write/draw?
Any of them.
Even [my fandom's most despised ship]?
Especially [your fandom's most despised ship].
What if I want to combine prompts? What if I want to write or draw things out of order? What if...
Go for it.
Are crossovers okay?
Do. Whatever. You. Want.
What if I want to create something problematic?
Send me the fucking link.
What does [prompt] mean?
You tell me. It's all open to interpretation.
Are there any rules at all?
Sure.
No AI use. If you need an LLM to write your schlock for you, consider a long walk off a short pier. If you need it to do your editing for you, use a beta reader instead. A stick figure drawn on the back of a napkin is better than soulless AI art.
Tag appropriately. 'Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings' means anything goes. 'No Archive Warnings Apply' means your work is guaranteed not to contain any of the major archive warnings (non-con, major character death, graphic violence, or underage sex).
No irl bigotry. Your characters can be problematic as all get out, but if you try to post a weird pro-JK Rowling essay or something you're not going in the collection, bud. Don't kill the vibes.
What are the vibes?
Just have fun.
But other people are having fun wrong!
Shut the fuck up.
Are you going to be doing this?
Probably not.
How do I participate?
There's an ao3 collection right here:
Schlocktober on ao3
Otherwise, just hashtag #schlocktober or something, idk. I don't expect anyone to actually do this.
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You thought I was done creating stupid prompts? Nope.
I learned absolutely nothing from all the ao3 subscribers who unfollowed me during Schlocktober, so here are some schlocky prompts for December.
FAQs:
Why "schlock"?
It means trash/junk, and that's the content I'm striving for with these prompts. Think Chuck Tingle and "This Bisexual Snowman's Carrot Wiener Is In My Butthole." Think Jingle All The Way or Violent Night. (I say all of these things affectionately)
What fandom is this for?
Whatever fandom you want. Original fiction is okay too.
What about RPF?
RPF is fine, so long as it's clearly fictional. See the few rules below.
What ships can I write/draw?
Any of them.
Even [my fandom's most despised ship]?
Especially [your fandom's most despised ship].
What if I want to combine prompts? What if I want to write or draw things out of order? What if...
Go for it. The rules are made up and the points don't matter. Celebrate Jingle Bell Schlock in February for all I care.
Are crossovers okay?
Do. Whatever. You. Want.
What if I want to create something problematic?
That's 90% of what we do here.
What does [prompt] mean?
You tell me. It's all open to interpretation. I've seen people turn what I thought were the smuttiest prompts into safe for work fluff, and I've seen more benign prompts turned to absolute filth.
What are the vibes?
Just have fun.
But other people are having fun wrong!
Shut the fuck up.
Are there any rules at all?
Sure.
No irl bigotry, threats, etc.
Your characters can be problematic as all get out, but if you try to post a weird pro-JK Rowling essay or a manifesto about overthrowing the government of Guam, you're not going in the collection, bud. Don't kill the vibes.
No AI use.
If you need an LLM to write your schlock for you, consider a long walk off a short pier. If you need it to do your editing for you, use a beta reader instead. A stick figure peed into a snow bank is better than soulless AI art.
Tag appropriately.
'Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings' means anything goes. 'No Archive Warnings Apply' means your work is guaranteed not to contain any of the major archive warnings (non-con, major character death, graphic violence, or underage sex). Schlock readers deserve to be informed.
How do I participate?
There's an ao3 collection right here:
Jingle Bell Schlock on ao3
The collection will open for submissions on November 14th.
If you're posting on bsky, just hashtag #jinglebellschlock or @ schlocktober.
Text version of the prompts under the cut.
December 14:
Erotic Tree Trimming
Balls in a Nutcracker
Regifting a Sex Toy
Odd Menorah Fumes
December 15:
Wire Ribbon Shibari
Dildo Sweatshop
Tongue Stuck to a Frozen Pole
Latke Nipple Pasties
December 16:
Suspiciously Stiff Stocking
Aphrodisiacal Eggnog
Yellow Snow
Sex Position Dreidel
December 17:
Snowman Carrot Erection
Stuck in a Chimney
Gift Made of Body Hair
POV Chocolate Coin
December 18:
Sexts to Santa
Ornament Insertion
Huffing Spray Snow
Dough Nutting
December 19:
Gingerbread BSDM Dungeon
North Pole Stripper Pole
Drinking a Snow Globe
Hand Stuff During Blessing
December 20:
Gift Wrap Mummification
Butt Plug Made of Coal
Random Act of Rudeness
Schmaltz As Lube
December 21:
Charitable Oral Sex
Polar Express Train Running
Candy Caning
Synagagged
December 22:
Inappropriate Use of Fruit Cake
Sex in Ugly Sweaters
Chopping Down a Sentient Tree
Explicit Caroling
December 23:
Dildo Antler Reindeer Costume
Advent Calendar Full of Cum
Mistletoe Allergy
Mittenjob
December 24:
Little Drummer Fuckboi
Three Unwise Men
Biblically Accurate Snow Angel
Chainplay w/ the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future
Quesadilla cocksleave + taking notes during sex and grading it + MyPillow humping
Summary: Three different short stories featuring each of these prompts~
AleRudy/PriceGaz/FarAlex
AleRudy and Quesadilla cocksleaves
It was just a racist remark, Rudy knew this, and despite hearing these kinds of things thousands of times he just couldn't get this one out of his head...
"So what- you use a quesadilla to jerk off?"
He didn't know why this one stuck- and honestly? He wished he could forget it.
It was dumb, it was offensive, and it was why he was currently ranting to Alejandro.
"-it wouldn't even be comfortable! Or soft!! It'd be dry and oily and- fuck you'd burn your cock off!!"
"Mhm."
"I mean hell- you couldn't even eat it after you were done! Any lube would make it disgusting, any cum would ruin it, it's just wasting food!"
"oh definitely."
"Then again, this fuck probably thinks a bag of shredded cheddar from the supermarket on a microwaved tortilla counts as a proper quesadilla..."
"..."
"..."
"You wanna try it?"
Rudy whipped his head around to look at Alejandro in disbelief. He was still just sitting there, reading his book, not even bothering to look up at his second in command. Calm and relaxed, like he hadn't just suggested-
"...yeah. yeah I do. -but we're doing it on your cock, alright?"
"Alright."
Alejandro knew what he was doing. By the time he had gotten Rudy smiling and laughing in the kitchen, he'd known he'd won. Any stupid comments from racist assholes were gone, all replaced by singing and dancing to the tunes on the radio while the homemade tortillas cooked.
And hopefully he wouldn't have to put his cock in a quesadilla to make Rudy smile...
PriceGaz and Taking notes during sex
Another sharp slap of his hips, another note.
It started as another joke during a mission, just more banter.
"Christ- my hips weren't made for this..."
To be fair, they had just jumped down *another* ledge, this whole mission had basically been nonstop torture on *both* of their hips.
It didn't stop Gaz from being a little shit though-
"Oh, your age finally catching up to you old man?"
"I'm barely even thirty- watch your mouth."
"I'm just being honest! Besides, how are you supposed to keep up with me in bed?"
"Watch it."
"C'mon boys-" Laswell cut in "-Let's keep it professional."
The rest of the mission went fine obviously, but the second they got back? Price was dragging Gaz away.
That's how they got here.
Gaz bent over, hips angled perfectly to feel every thrust, pencil gripped tightly in his hands.
And Price? Well Price was over him, grunting and gripping Gaz's hips. He was about three orgasms deep, and still going strong.
"So how's this for- *grunt* -for an 'old man', huh?"
"B minus a-at best..."
Even while getting his soul fucked out of him, Gaz couldn't help but to be a cheeky brat.
It's fine, Price will just have to work harder to fuck it out of him... He's got all day after all. All day to turn that B- into an A+.
FarAlex and MyPillow humping
Running out of creative juices for this one so it's not gonna be much of a story.
Just the idea of the two of them making out while humping a pillow. Well more like Farah is just watching while she orders Alex around, they're kinky like that.
While they're cleaning up, Alex is like "so what kinda pillow was that? Felt... Weird."
Farah: "Some American brand- we got a shipment as a gift for our soldiers."
Alex: "Wait- was it MyPillow?"
Farah: "huh? Yeah I guess it was..."
Alex: "Oh. Yeah no, those are Nazi pillows. The guy who runs the business is... A weird guy."
Farah: "IM SORRY???"
He explains it to her, she huffs about the fact that even though she got them for free, *somebody* gave money to the guy.
They make up for it by having hot kinky sex on top of the pillow.
I'm sorry I kinda gave up at the end- I'm dumb and didn't pace myself properly...
Title: Here Lies Stanford Pines
Relationship: Bill/Ford
Rating: E
Summary: Ford grapples with cold and flu season for the first time since returning to Earth. Bill takes excellent care of him.
---
im man enough to admit this ones stupid
schlocktober prompts used: hospice roleplay, sex as a sedative, antibreeding kink, enemas to lovers
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i know we're done with chrismums but i need to post this to link it in my @steddiebingo post for "wet dreams" :P | this was also a @schlocktober prompt
E | Roommates AU | comic induced christmas themed wet dream
part of this story which is 6.5k on Ao3 but all the ficlets it's made of are readable alone
"Here."
Steve is blissfully immersed in a comic book (Dustin's recommendation), when a gift bag gets placed on the table in front of him. He looks up from the comic to the bag to Eddie.
"I hope I got the right size," Eddie says, nervously pushing the gift closer towards him.
"It's too early for christmas gifts," Steve points out, making no move to reach for it.
"I know, but--" Eddie gives it another minuscule push. "You said you don't have any and I'm sure it will help you get into the pre-gifting spirit." He smiles, looking at him expectantly.
Steve, of course, quickly folds and puts his comic down before pulling the gift bag closer. From inside, he pulls out a soft, red sweater. It looks normal at first glance and he's about to say his thanks, when he unfolds it.
There's a christmas tree-shaped hole on the front of it, framed in green and filled with a green net, its thread littered with sparkly pompoms meant to act as baubles. Steve can only assume that his chest hair is supposed to be the tree's greenery.
"And where am I supposed to wear it?" he asks, raising an eyebrow at his friend.
"Wherever you want!" Eddie throws his arms out in excitement. "It's the best time of the year for bold fashion choices." Then, suddenly, he's leaning in dangerously close and tugging on the sweatshirt Steve is wearing. "Come on, I want to see how it fits."
If he didn't know any better, he'd say Eddie was looking at him like he was hungry.
With a sigh, he pulls off his shirt and the tank beneath to indulge his friend's fantasy, or whatever it is.
"I didn't tell you to take off the tank top but go on," Eddie chuckles.
Steve glares at him. "No need, I could read this from your eyes," he says, pulling on the sweater.
"Yeah?" When his head pops up from the hole, Eddie is right up against him. "Can you read this?" Their noses touch. Steve frantically pushes his arms through the sleeves while closing the gap, so he can get a hold of him and bring him even closer.
The kiss turns deep in a heartbeat and leads them to the closest bedroom, hips bruising against obstacles on the way. When Eddie pushes him onto the bed, he rips off his leather jacket, revealing a sweater of his own--blue with snowflakes and a pair of copulating reindeer.
"How is yours somehow more normal?" Steve complains briefly, but quickly forgets that train of thought when Eddie undoes his jeans and shoves them down with the boxers, exposing his hard, flushed dick. "Holy shit..." He reaches out his hands and Eddie complies, climbing on top of him to work on his belt next. But when Steve reaches for his sweater, he slaps his hand away.
"The sweater stay on," he demands.
Steve searches his eyes for a second, making sure he's not joking, but all he finds is the determined focus on getting his pants off. Which he helps with by pushing his hips up, leaving them both with only the sweaters.
"You're such a freak," he observes, astonished.
"You complaining?" Eddie asks, laying down on top of him, sweater to sweater and dick to dick.
"Not at all," Steve briefly shakes his head, then gasps where their cocks align.
Eddie dives to lick the sound out of his open mouth, the movement stirring their hips against each other. Steve moans, palming his bare ass before squeezing and pushing, grinding him down on his dick. For a long while they hump on the bed while making out, until Eddie pushes up, braced against Steve's partially exposed chest. His hair is wild and he continues the motions, from this perspective looking like he's riding his dick. Steve moans at the sight.
He brings one of his hands down, grasping their dicks to rub together against his belly and the soft wool of the new, red sweater, already stained with precum.
"Oh, yeah, Stevie." Eddie throws his head back, fucking into the tight pocket he's made wit his hand. "Can't wait to fuck you for real."
Steve groans, bucking his hips up and almost throwing him off. Eddie only laughs, pinning him down by the shoulders while his hips move frantically.
"Sirs."
Steve's eyes fly open in panic but Eddie doesn't seem to mind that their butler had entered the bedroom. His pace doesn't even stutter while he rolls his eyes in annoyance.
"What? We're busy!" he grits out, chasing his orgasm, his bare ass on display for the older man in the doorway.
"The dinner is ready."
"Make it wait," Eddie growls, his hips picking up speed. "We're starting with dessert."
"Of course, sirs. I'll start Mr. Wayne with an appetizer." Albert nods and leaves, gently closing their door.
"Yeah, yeah..." Eddie breathes absentmindedly, jumping on Steve's dick while their guests slowly walk through their bedroom to the dining hall, sparing them no mind. They only need a few more thrusts to get the climax, clutching at each other and staining their sweaters with cum.
They make themselves presentable with clean sweaters, although they don't bother with pants, since the table would give them cover from the waist down anyway. Also, this way Eddie can rake his fingers through his leg hair while they eat.
On the other side of the table, Batman is still in his suit, maintaining eye contact from under his mask while knocking his fist against the wood, clearly wanting to say something.
Steve frowns at him, distracted by the hand so close to his dick. "What?"
He wakes up to the knocking on his bedroom door.
"Steeeeeve, wake up! You said you'll help me with the cookies!"
Steve groans, his half chubbed dick throbbing against his thigh. He's overheating in the new sweater Eddie gave him, since this one doesn't display his chest, and he spots Dustin's Batman comic askew on the bed. He must have fallen asleep while reading.
"Give me a second!"
"Okay!" Eddie happily stops assaulting his door now that he achieved the goal of waking him up. "I'll wait in the kitchen. Oh, and keep the sweater on!"
Steve whines in pain.
sorry if u already read this: @stevesjockstrap @hiei-harringtonmunson @blasvemous @wheneverfeasible
okay a special treat for schlocktober (y'all can thank @loveshacks for inspiring me to post this one; it was originally just for the discord group lol) some completely out-of-context smut of Bill in a maid outfit
(the smutty image is here on bluesky, sorry to blueball you guys if you don't have an account but it will eventually all be up on ao3 as well)
okay here’s the go: I’m doing scholcktober this year. every day of october, I’m going to upload some terrible erotica to ao3 that you’ll wish you’d never read. this is (mostly) not fanfic, it’s lesbian porn about my own characters I guess. none of the kinks depicted say anything about my own preferences unless it would be funnier that way. anyway. hope you enjoy(?) all of the awesome mind-shattering porn I have to offer
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