#schfifty five

Mark Scheifele [10.8.19]

Suffer with me... <3

I don’t think we’re planning to leave, Mr. President. Seems like an odd sort of idea. Exit the EU? And miss out on cheap flights to Monaco, home to the historic Iron Man 2? Nonsense. Somebody would have said something. “You are leaving!” he will cry - hopping mad, I am sure. (Unconscionably rude of me, I know. Under normal circumstances I would never behave in a manner so unbecoming of a gentleman. but needs must: as your new Prime Minister it would be my duty.) Er... “You are leaving! You triggered article fifty.” ... oh. Oh bugger. Devil’s fardles and ambergris - this is all very embarrassing. Yes, right - they did mention it to me, and they blushed the whole time, and this has been the most MORTIFYING thing you could imagine, but the burden has fallen to me, and I can’t shirk it. Alright, Mr. President: I am afraid there has been... well... something of a cock-up. A truly monumental cockup, but everyone over here has been so super shamefaced about it they couldn’t bring themselves to say anything - hoping it would just sort of be forgotten, go away on its own - but it never did, and now they’ve had to bring me in - a colonial and everything - because nobody here could bring themselves to come clean, its all supremely awkward. Gods, alright, here goes. I am afraid, Mr. President, that all this “Brag Sit” kerfuffle is the most terrible misunderstanding. A mis-hearing, in fact. They... gosh this is hard... they... they... sod it: They didn’t trigger Article Fifty, Mr. President. They triggered ... sigh... they triggered Article Schwifty. ... ... ... ... ... “what?” It was 2017, Mr. President. It was 2017 and Rick and Morty was terribly popular - the third season was all set to start that Monday and, well, the country just got so excited it rather lost its head and did something big and dramatic to show its fandom colours. It took a bit for anyone to notice that the rest of the EU seemed to have misheard them - Britons tend to be a bit neglectful of things on the continent. Also everyone was super cross that there was that two month hiatus after the episode came out and that had everyone distracted - not to mention that whole Szechuan Sauce thing. Anyways, Mr. President, by the time anyone realized the mistake cultural opinion on Rick and Morty had begun to sour and the United Kingdom found itself unwilling to admit that it had been that excited to watch it - they’d already had a fandom fall-out with something called “Briscuit” the year before and nobody wanted to stir-up old drama. Somebody suggested that they pretend Schfifty Five had been a popular retro-meme that month, but nobody thought they could make it sound convincing.  So, as has become very obvious by now: after two years of going through the motions, the country is tired of being oppressed by cringe culture. They have made me their Prime Minister in order for me to tell you that although they no longer enjoy the show, there was a time that it meant something to them, but even so they’re very sorry that their intense display of fandom was so insensitive and hurtful. And they’re equally apologetic they didn't try to fix their mistake sooner. On behalf of the United Kingdom, Mr. President, and speaking as Prime Minister, I formally apologize for Rick and Morty and the harm it caused our union. “Uh...” he will say - speechless, utterly speechless. As a way of recompense, I’d like to convene an emergency of meeting of the EU council to discuss extending the reach of BBC iPlayer Europe-wide. “Mr. Prime Minister I - I cannot simply overlook two years of-” Did I mention Mary Berry has a new cooking show already available for streaming? “Two years of .... er... years of... of the United Kingdom not bringing roast chicken crisps to EU council meetings.” Heavens! What barbarians my predecessors were - there’ll be a lorry stuffed with Walkers in the Chunnel  in twenty minutes. if you’ll excuse me, Mr. President, I’ll make the call right away. Toodle-pip. And that, ladies and gents and honourable non-binaries, if how I will swiftly and efficiently get rid of Brexit. Your Majesty, my Skype is open: I await your DM for my contact info.

This guy, doing it big in tonight’s game and earning that first star ⭐ (and yes, the file name is drool.png because how can you not? such a babe 😍)