Every now and then this idea genuinely haunts me though, Iâm not kidding. What if Taylor Swift was originally more like just a really young person who had already gone through some confusing or possibly really difficult stuff that we may not know, then made some very high-profile mistakes under huge media scrutiny (and mistakes, especially early in life, are quite often ways that the human animal is trying to protect itself or overcorrect from something hurtful or unfair that came from a circumstance it did not choose - itâs often a way of shielding a raw wound or some type of damage, trying not to get further hurt on the site of an unhealed wound or some type of damage. Or other times, it is just doing what its then-unclear understandings or understandings inherited from family of origin or formative groups/influences/cultures, are telling it it needs to do or is supposed to do.) Then got mixed up in a lot of crazy insane insanity in the music and pop culture and media world and she just wasnât as ready or as savvy to handle it as some people are, and/or kinda didnât have the right advisors and managers and helpers for it (for example crazy icky radio interview back in the day with crazy people overstepping boundaries, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIOyWl2ufJk  - I mean who even was setting her up into interviews like that where that could happen? Especially as such a young person, who really seemed kind of unable to stand up to it and handle it and genuinely seemed like she didnât know what to do? Come on. And how absolutely yuck and exploitative so much media really truly seems to be⌠), and what if it just kind of unmanageably snowballed into the most insane confusing insanity of situations building on themselves or somethingâŚ?? Idk. Or, maybe itâs all kind of, a story of what happens to you when your principles and honesty are not quite tip top in the first place, (or perhaps an element of not quite KNOWING reality or not quite KNOWING what is going on sometimes); or who you are and what you are is not developed that well yet, and there are always reasons for thatâŚ. then you gradually start bending your reality more and more, or your reality is too flexible and fluid because you have not had the circumstances to form you into a highly resilient, solid, more developed person yet.Â
Then you bend your reality and mould yourself into what varying situations require of youâŚ.to the point that perhaps you donât realise that you have started crossing a line from marketing and brand-building and business-relationship-building into something, um⌠problematic. I donât know. Or perhaps you can see that you have done thatâŚ. but you do not see that that is not the way to go.
With other things about her, there are times when Iâve wondered if she was partly just doing certain things the way she wanted to do them and not being willing to change the way she would prefer to do something - there are times Iâve wondered if she just wanted to go where she wants, when she wants, and do what she wants, and just not think or care about who is looking and taking photos. While others might decide to do this or that or the other to circumvent the situation, maybe she was just like, âmeh, I donât want to. I cannot be bothered thinking or worrying about that. Why am I hiding? Why do I need to hide? Why should I hide?â At times Iâve wondered if her decisionmaking has just been, how would I put it? Erratic rather than strategic. I wonder at times if her thinking has just been strategic in certain areas, e.g. marketing, but not others, and if sheâs had to deal with a lot of crap partly just because of not being bothered to make the effort of care and strategy in every aspect of life, (well, I mean, as well as definitely having some awareness gaps and thought process gaps), and not wanting to make all that effort to always circumvent crappy things that media or whoever will do if you donât out-strategy them. I mean if thatâs the situation somewhat, that is kind of crappy for her somewhat and my god I do not envy the positions that that crazy crap puts all celebrities in. Or maybe what Iâm trying to describe isâŚ. the strategy has been great, but the goal has been wrong⌠like⌠you are doing a particular strategy for one particular purpose really really well, and you do want ONE set of the results of that strategy, but that strategy also produces ANOTHER whole set of results as well, and you do not want those ones. Itâs a bit of a pickle and maybe things get weird during the time when you have been putting off making a tricky choice.
I do reeeeeally reeeeeally hope that it wasnât like, some parts of her were Tomâs quirky perfect match or something and all this crazy stuff destroyed it or destroyed the potential of it. Or like, that onlookers not knowing how to understand some parts of it or maybe media also capitalizing on that, destroyed it. Or even, I wonder if it is possible for media and whatever to affect famous peopleâs own understanding of what is going on in their life or their relationship or their self or whatever. What if media itself can ruin their own feelings or trust or mess things up. Uggggh. I hope none of these things could have happened with people out there trying to live life and be happy, but I feel like thatâs way too much to hope for. I hope that was not the case hereâŚ. arghâŚ. and yet, it is so scary at the same time, knowing that there are people out there who are not honest and not good, and that harm can happen to you or people you care about who deserve no harm.Â
Itâs really hard knowing that on the one hand media or information can alert you to things and protect you, but that on the other hand it can trick you or mislead you or make you worried without need, or confused. It is hard not knowing what to be sure of, and it must be suuuper hard for people in any kind of fame or public eye situationâŚ.
But at the end of the day, I get a vibe that maybe she was there already, pretty early on in life, in that place of blurring whatâs real, or⌠itâs possible sometimes to not know the difference, because of âcreatingâ oneself for a goal or a result from so early on, and seeing others around you do that too. I think she has probably had some awareness of doing something wrong or unfair or not entirely honest sometimes though. (I donât know the Harry Potter types, is that how slytherins are? Do they know they are doing something wrong or unfair or not honest, but they just go, âWell, hey. Life isnât fair.â) I think she may be capable sometimes of being comfortable with or choosing some dishonesty, misleading, painting pictures or ideas that are false, and unfairness, if it is necessary for her preferences, wishes, or current whims, or what she may consider to be her needs or a fair deal for herself. Maybe she does not know how to be another way, or simply does not see any need to, but I think she may know at times that she could be bending um... truthfulness I guess and considers it OK or reasonable. I donât think she has always been completely reliably truthful or honest, and I believe she is capable of things and has maybe done things that most people or good, honest, or reasonable people would call unfair, dishonest, hurtful, selfish, or wrong. Or, I donât know if perhaps she has convinced herself that it is always somehow okay or reasonable to do whatever she decides to do, or thatâs just how she sees it. Or whether thatâs not the case but she wants fans or onlookers to think that she feels that way. I think there could be potential for growth though. Different peopleâs growth in different areas can happen at very different stages/times in life, for all kinds of reasons. Perhaps thatâs something that happens with quite a few young people who work in some kind of showbiz or something when young. Maybe resources of their parents and their own resources of thought or learning or energy or focus or feeling, got pumped into particular aspects of life more than others. So in other aspects of life there may be an element of having to catch up later on and find ways of doing that.
I get a vibe that from pretty early in her life, in her family of origin and/or the circle of people she was born into or surrounded by, or that she moved into when she moved, and in the plans she made for her life, she very early on created a function of living partly as a marketing technique or a portrayal or a creative projectâŚ. or perhaps what I mean isâŚ. doing things like that as part of just everyday, normal lifeâŚ. creativity and creation or performance being part of her everyday, normal life; that just being a normal part of what you do and who you are and how you live, something you do to get by in the different situations you find yourself entering into. I think probably quite a lot of creative people can relate to that in some way. As well as people who grow up in any family or culture or set of beliefs that has certain expectations or requirements or demands, or perhaps with a parent or significant figure or significant structure in your surroundings or life that was at times hurtful or judgmental or putting down of certain things or that had high expectations, or had some kind of expectation or rules or beliefs or ideas that felt very firm and very non-negotiable to you, and not openminded or flexible-minded enough⌠As a young person you want to meet those requirements or expectations, you want to please your parents or your surrounding structure or demands, or you simply do not want to be outcast or treated badly or made to feel bad, and biologically and evolutionarily you are absolutely aware that your very survival depends on being accepted by family and by your surrounding group and your surrounding structures. So âbecomingâ a particular thing or being a certain way you are âsupposedâ or âexpectedâ to be, and not another way that is not liked or is not accepted, becomes a very natural part of you and what you do from very early onâŚ. and I think the level of unconditional acceptance, love, safety, security, reliability, and esteem you feel you can count on no matter what within the family system or your formative system, can impact how Absolutely Necessary you find acceptance, bonding, esteem, or other things from sources outside of the family system or your formative system. I think people who are in any respect âthird culture kidsâ can probably relate to at least a mild aspect of this stuff, as well.
(Reminder to myself: I really wanna read some research if there is any, about when children know that there are estrangements or broken down/negative relationships between a parent and family-of-origin members of that parent⌠This idea of knowing that one of your parents, who you are utterly dependent on, has stopped talking to or being close to or loving one of their immediate family members (or for some people, more than one). Or, simply does not treat them very lovingly or respectfully, as is so often the case in narcissistic families. Or how in certain families including narcissistic families, the way someone is treated or what happens to them or how they are viewed or talked about or many things, comes down to what use they have to a person, whether they are needed or useful for something, or things like that. How that impacts the child - the child being aware that being family does not mean safe and loved and liked and accepted and connected reliably, and respect and healthy stuff also. As well as just, how people in general or people in various different situations are viewed, treated, talked about, etc. Perhaps also, things to do with how often family gets together, shares quality connection or love or good quality attention - or whether that does not happen often or whether the relationships & bonds are not regular enough or high quality enough for these functions to be happening well. Another thing I really want to research more is, how PARENTAL perceptions of a need to âfit inâ or be âgood enoughâ or âfit the surrounding systemâ or fit certain ideas or whatever, affect their childrensâ developing view of How Very Important That Is. Family or cultural transmission of values or norms.)
I guess maybe thatâs what has been going on, maybe there kind of really was more than one of her. (And isnât that kind of true for all of us, just to differing degrees? If you have a stiff-personality grandma or aunt or uncle or something, you donât interact with them the same way as with your fun crazy edgy friend. Thatâs one degree of the âdifferent partsâ or âdifferent sidesâ of ourselvesâŚ. or hey, there truly are some people who never feel any need to censor or limit themselves in any way, that does exist. Then thereâs the absolute other end of the spectrum, where different âsidesâ of someone are absolutely conflicting and incompatible, so then there is absolute lying and artificiality and parts of someone having to be secret from another part. Then there is one section of psychology I donât know that much about, where it seems that it can actually be possible for these parts to actually be split off and partitioned, and for there to be a breakdown of conscious awareness between one part and another part. Then of course, thereâs zillions of people somewhere between these two opposing extremes of genuine honesty/integration/consistency vs mercurial/inconsistent/unintegrated.)
Maybe there is a one of her that always existed and still does deep down, same as in all of us, a person that wants to just develop and think and feel and be accepted and loved and supported no matter what and just be what it will be and become whatever it will become, (but also does have needs of being taught/guided well plus nurtured in learning helpful useful important things to enable it to thrive really well)âŚ.then at another level there is the creative one, that is allowed and free to create whatever it wants to createâŚâŚor maybe even in that way, the creative one feels it is âsupposed toâ or âhas toâ or feels pressure to create certain things that are expected or that will âsucceedâ or to get certain resultsâŚ. then there is the strategy one that decides HOW it will create and decides how and when it will market and promote and create interest⌠And then there is the other side, the person or thing or actions that are BEING CREATED, the one performing all the functions needed to do it all and make it all happen.
I guess the hard part is wondering WHICH ONE though, WHICH Taylor spent time with these men, which one showed itself to the men.
Like it definitely is wrong, if it was the marketing/performance/creation/ Product Taylor which spent time with any of the guys mostly for a purpose like that, and which had no intention or possibility of being there for very long or for a real purpose, and which was never offering something genuine and honest and healthy. (Well, I guess maybe itâs not so wrong, if you are sure to do absolutely nothing to APPEAR or PRETEND to be offering something that you are not offering. I guess itâs all about making sure the other person absolutely knows the situation and would still be on board if they absolutely fully knew the situation. It is kind of really never fair I guess for someone to be dealing with something that you kept from them or were not honest enough about. And yet, I do understand that when people are not entirely honest or fair, very often there is an aspect of survival involved. That can include emotional or psychological survival. Many, many, many people's situations they are born into, or simply entire ways that we live and systems we live under, are not facilitating of the meeting of natural, valid emotional or psychological needs. Those needs will absolutely try to find ways to be met, any way that they can. But doing it in ways that can hurt or be unfair - damn, keep that danger pit only for the boys who are doing the same thing - keep it away from beautiful openhearted honest vulnerable good guys. Give it only to guys who are ALSO not offering something honest and true and real. Otherwise that is an unfair exchange. And she certainly doesnât like that when itâs the other way around, she certainly seems to finds it a big major deal and awful and terrible and wrong when she thinks someone has been unfair to HER. Plus the fact that the beautiful honest nice authentic guy most likely wonât know heâs getting into that. It just wonât be the way he thinks and he wonât be thinking about that or be on guard against it necessarily, probably, unless he has already had a very very exactly similar experience and there are similar signs - which there arenât always exactly; things can kinda vary from situation to situation, and just imagine in showbiz or pop culture biz across cultures and places and times, how much variation and unknown elements there would be to muddy the water and make things a little more ambiguous, especially if you do not have a natural tendency to think the worst of others or necessarily focus on every single type of shittiness that exists in the world. Add to that what the guy was having to deal with being with youâŚ. you damn sure better be offering something very good and very real, at least trying your very best to give that and having that as your intention. But on the other hand, I do understand that itâs strangely possible in some cases for people to not have a fully conscious sense of accountability, fairness, and conscience that engages about some aspects of themselves. The gaps in their development and environment may create a situation where they do not quite know how to do something different or achieve it, or their psychological schema modes and things may sabotage them moving forward or knowing how to handle certain situations or whatever.)
And it definitely is wrong if marketing/performance/product/narrative things were ever done which hurt feelings of good people who did the best they were capable of in being good to her, which were unfair or dishonest, which made anyone feel betrayed or discarded, or if things were done for narratives/performance/product/marketing/publicity without the clear total knowledge and consent and agreement and comfortableness with that, of any other party involved or any other party affected, without them absolutely 100% knowing and agreeing and being comfortable that that was any part of the purpose of anything that was being done.
I wonderâŚ. I wonder if in the public sphere, when she is doing anything or talking to people in the public sphere in any way, (except for her closest friends maybe? Or maybe even them too), I wonder if that âcreatedâ Taylor or âproductâ Taylor or âartâ Taylor or âPersona/Personalityâ Taylor is the one that is appearingâŚ.. or, maybe itâs a bit of a mixture⌠I think thatâs what creates these strange situations. I think she has been maybe blurring the different things and the different functions too much, for too longâŚ.?
Maybe it started out a long long time ago as mild and without an intention of being unfair to anybody. But if these adventures and experiences are going to become part of a âproductâ that you will then market, and if people are unaware that they are very much a part of a product or its marketing or a story or running a narrative or somethingâŚâŚ come on, you have got to realise that that is going to become murky and very problematic.
Is that what it is like to be the daughter of a certain kind of stockbroker who has maybe come from a certain type of background? Are millions of people doing things like this every single dayâŚ. the business lunches that you do, the product development discussions that you have, the sales relationships that you form, the marketing and branding that you do for that purpose? Is there a whole entire thing in the country music world, in this way? Or other worlds, like ârealityâ TV world, pop music world, and stuff like that? Can it sometimes be a byproduct of child stardom or youth stardom, starting young thinking about what you should or shouldnât say, how you should or shouldnât appear, what will get you ahead to the next step, how you should build your âbrandâ, who you should be trying to get a meeting with? (Sometimes I really do worry about the situation of pretty young people being in these kinds of work, parents or managers or agents helping direct it and all of that.) Is it a bit comparable to like, certain kinds of people that are actually everywhere - like, the way some high school girls talk and act in front of the âcool guysâ? Some types of men wanting to be able to say they have slept with certain women, or a certain number of women? Buying a particular kind of car youâre âsupposedâ to have, or buying particular designer brands? Buying the ârightâ new fashions just because they are in the ârightâ magazines now? Watching what your group of girl friends start buying and wearing, and being sure to buy and wear similar? Deciding to âlikeâ the ârightâ music or movies, that is, the same ones that the group you are in do? Making sure that you do not like or admit to liking something if they donât?Â
I think thatâs why this stuff boggles my mind so much, itâs just so utterly foreign to me and outside of my direct experience, and way outside of the sphere of the types of people I have usually gravitated towards.Â
Has somebody just finallyâŚ.. blurred these things and these different facets of life waaay too much, and happened to do it in publicâŚ.. really, really, REALLY in public?
Has this stuff happened because the Marketing/Product Taylor kind ofâŚ.. gradually became full-time, ongoing, and started to interact with other people in real life? (Or maybe that is how it always has been, that has always been her way of thinking or mindset - she just transferred it from being how she got by in earlier aspects of her life, to how she got by or achieved things she went on to do later?) The Taylor that has a drive to connect and give to someone else and be trustworthy and honest and reliable is maybe deep down inside there, maybe that one was not really able to exist alongside the other one/s who had been given way, way, way too much priority? (Or, maybe what is so hard for so many people, is the situation where if you have not seen that done really well around you. If you did not see that being done really truly well in your parents, or someone very close and formative for you, you donât know how to do it. Sometimes you are not even aware that it was not being done really well around you. It can be hard to even kind of consciously realise that something was/is not there or was not quite ârightâ around you, if you have never really experienced it or seen it in good detail up close. Humans struggle enormously to know how to do certain things or how to make certain parts of themselves function if they did not see it close up growing up, and also to even see something that was missing or unbalanced - it can be a bit like, if youâve never seen in colour, when you are really little you do not actually KNOW or REALISE that colour is missing, or that something is wrong or is not there, and you do not know what colour is supposed to look like. A bit like Dr Phil McGraw says, âyou canât give away what you donât haveâ - it can be very hard to learn how to give certain kinds of love or behaviour, if you have not experienced it or been taught it firsthand by experiencing it. And I swear it is so sadâŚ. there are literally millions and millions and millions of couples who do not truly know each other, and millions and millions of people who do not truly know themselves or whose deep or healthy self has never ever been able to safely properly develop and integrate, has never ever had a truly reliable very good quality skilled safe person to allow that fully and be a truly safe, skilled mirror for that. Something can be very hard or impossible to give from inside of you, if you have not had the fullest or best experience of receiving that thing, that interpersonal function or feeling. Maybe that Taylor is in there somewhere, or is still developing or emerging, as is the case for billions of people even late in their life or their whole lives, zillions of people who are super successful, brilliant, everything. This stuff can simply be the trickiest, most confusing stuff in life and especially if you have not found yet who should help you or guide you best who knows human functioning best. Or sometimes if you have not had a really skilled, super reliable, super safe person in life to demonstrate those functions in a truly high quality healthy unconditionally accepting, nurturing, supportive relationship towards you. Like for the backgrounds of a lot of people, way more people than most folks realise, it would need to be a really good, kind, skilled, supportive therapist probably. Itâs a somewhat rare person who was lucky enough to have had parent/s that emotionally knowledgeable and skilled, and also a place or time or family or communityâs cultural history, and things like corruption, dishonesty, propaganda, falsehood, religion and beliefs and ideologies, power structures and what they do, stratified societies, conflict, tragedy, poverty, inequality, justice/rights abuses, safety nets and services or lack thereof, all kinds of things, can have a massive effect on the ability level of a society or a community to create healthy, nurturing people and groups and ideas and environments. Or maybe that part of her got really hurt as it was developing/emerging or trying to at various stages, like it tries to but then needs to hide away or change direction, and it ends up being in charge of some unwise, strange, and/or hurtful decisions involved in hiding itself/changing direction sometimes.Â
And so maybe also in there is the Strategy and/or Creative Director Taylor making the decisions for the Product Taylor - the Artwork/Singing/Writing/Performing/Marketing/Relating to Fans or media or interviewers or different situations Taylor. But maybe what has actually been switched on for most of the day for way too many days of the year, at least in certain phases of her life anyway, and has actuallly started to Interact With Other People In The Real World, is Taylor the Artwork/the Creation/the Product/the Story/the Marketing Materials for those?
Or, maybe in the end it is the other situation that sometimes happens - fair, good boundaries and ways of being simply were not set for her or modeled for her, so she will have to experience that through the wider world - and as is so often the case, these people become powerful/rich first and then it becomes a bit more difficult/complicated to make that happen. Instead, they attempt to wield their power in their own favour instead of toward truth or fairness, etc. (And/or, at that level the completely wrong values and actions and messages are often rewarded and fostered. Capitalism tends to reward and foster ruthlessness and greed rather than anything good for the wider group, the world, communities. And government or law often just protects/serves capitalists or greed or evil, rather than protecting or helping the vulnerable or the many against those things.)Â
And doing that to children, which creates these kinds of results but also a broad spectrum of bad possible results⌠this is still a kind of abuse. (Abuse does not have to be conscious or aware⌠itâs just a way of describing/grouping circumstances that hamper healthy development, or which prevent/hamper the meeting of somebodyâs emotional needs or human needs.) It still prevents full, healthy personality development, healthy resilience and healthy functioning. And sadly the costs affect not just that person but soooooo many others. If family dynamics like these can be changed, the world can be changed. And conversely, it works the other way around as well - if we change culture, change corruption, change dishonesty, change injustice, change messages, change accountability in the world, we can help change what goes on in families and in interpersonal culture. And either one helps everyone and makes everyone better off.
