#scarf-kun

Me …

Scarf-Kun: Personally, I like the color combinations for the most part. the hair looks really weird against all those dull, desaturated colors, though. Not sure what’s up with her arm, though. Are those tattoos, or bumps, what?

Wall-Chan: She reminds me of Chocho, Choji’s kid.

Name: Eyre

Age: 15

Current Ninja Rank: S Rouge Ninja

Zodiac Sign: Lebra

Wall-Chan: Lion-Zebra?

Scarf-Kun: What month is Lebra?

Favorite Food: Dango

Scarf-Kun: I thought she looked a bit like Anko...

Likes: Being alone; Training

Wall-Chan: Wow, you’re fucking bland.

Dislikes: The Hidden Cloud; Killer Bee; Raikage

Personality: Stubborn; Quiet; Rude; Mean; Loner

Wall-Chan: -siiighh- Hi Sasuke.

Scarf-Kun: Makes me think of Papa Roach for some reason.

Habbits: Eats when angry... a lot; Runs away when sad.

Scarf-Kun: There will be no Habit Rabbits here, missy. Or do you mean Hobbits?

Wall-Chan: :D

Eyre had lived peacefully in the Hidden Cloud Village once. But at age 10 things took a turn for her. She was best friends with a boy named Daisuke before his death. Nobody knows how he died but Eyre. She had been there with him traveling to their sensei’s house when it happened.

Scarf-Kun: When what happened. Details, people, details. How did he die. Was she covered in blood? Was he standing and talking, then suddenly on the floor without a head? Was he slowly gutted in front of her, crying out her name for help? Was it at the teacher’s house? In an alleyway? DETAILS!

People grew suspicious. After all she was the only one with him and she was too shocked to say anything. The villagers had thought she went mad, but realy it was only because she saw the death of her best friend. Eyre stayed cooped up in her house and never came out almost causing herself to die of starvation. She sat their for days when she figured out who had killed Daisuke. He was a masked man. Her hatred grew deeper and deeper with each passing day.

Scarf-Kun: Goddamn, it’s like reading a robot’s transcript of a children’s picture book.

The day finaly came when she decided to leave, but the villagers refused to let her out. They attacked her and she killed them all harming Bee and even the Raikage. 

Wall-Chan: Cuz that’s a thing that can happen. They’re not really powerful or anything. It’s not like one of them’s a fucking jinchuriki and the other’s a fucking kage. It sickens me to think that you’d even be able to try and take them on.

Scarf-Kun: What the fuck did she do, stub his toe? Why the fuck does everyone think these people are ordinary ninja? They’re fifty times more powerful than you’ll ever be.

She left and was considered an S ranked Rouge Ninja. She holds a grudge against the cloud now and Bee and the Raikage for not believing her. She was close with Bee and the Raikage and felt betrayed. Now her goal is to get revenge against the masked man and prove her innocents to the Cloud.

Wall-Chan: How would she go about doing that, though? Details.

Scarf-Kun: Maybe if she explained what the fuck happened instead of killing everyone, none of this would have happened. If you’re “so close” with Killer B and the Raikage, they’d probably listen to you if you even gave half a shit. You’re the only one in the wrong here.

She has the ability to control lightning and is really fast. Eyre also "works" for Sasuke. 

Scarf-Kun: Well, that’s suggestive.

Wall-Chan: So she’s a decent ninja, then. Alright, not really telling us much.

Why? Because she needs to get close to "the masked man" who killed her best friend aka: Tobi/Obito.

Wall-Chan: Nobody asked why....

Scarf-Kun: Also, you never explained the marks on her arms, or anything about her, really. No childhood, nothing. All we see here is the 2-week period in which she was starving herself and building up hatred toward an unknown killer and not telling anybody a damn thing. We still know nothing about her.

Overall: 

Try again. This isn’t really a backstory, it’s nothing more than a dull explanation, if that, of why she’s a rogue. Her looks seem fine, if you desaturate her hair a tad, or brighten her clothes. Everything about her is so dull, that her hair looks incredibly out of place. Completely redo this backstory, and actually help people get to know your character. One brief moment in their life should not be their entire defining trait; this character’s personality, likes, and dislikes are completely focused around this one single incident. It’s highly doubtful she was rude or mean before Daisuke was murdered, or else she wouldn’t have made any friends. Tell us more about who she was before this incident, so we can actually bond with the character and feel bad for their suffering and pain, and understand why they’ve become so spiteful.

Well, if you’re trying to be gentle about it, try taking a passive route. To do this, suggest that instead of “Rainbow Diamond”, she pick something like:

Mystic Topaz

Tourmaline

Or even Mystic Quartz, if she wants to insist on the rainbow theme.

Tell her “I think maybe this or this would be a better idea” or “Hey, what if we make her hair this color”. Hell, you could even be sneaky and suggest something in a casual undertone and make her think it was her idea.

Something that I’ve seen people do is go “Hey can I make an AU or alternate version of your OC?” and improve upon it, and let the owner decide if they want to keep it or not.

On the other hand, if you don’t think you can handle the stress, you can always play casual and ask for a ref or drawing, because you want to commission art as a gift, get a bio for her, and send it to us. We’ll keep you anonymous, and can postpone the review for a week or two so she won’t suspect it was you. Just make sure you have an excuse to cover your ass if she finds it. Post the bio and visual reference online somewhere, be it in a comment, or on DA, or wherever, so you can say “Someone else must have done it”. We can try to be gentle about it if you’d like, instead of ripping it to bits violently like we’ve done with Jesus some of our previes reviews.

And that’s all I can offer on this, but it’s likely the other mods will throw in their 2 cents later.

Lamp-Chan: It literally looks like Deidara and Sasuke got into a machine and fused together.

Scarf-Kun: Fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak ninjas stronger.

Name: Deidara Uchiha (Dei or Dei-san)

Lamp-Chan: His name is literally just Deidara and Sasuke.

Scarf-Kun: Deidara, how did you become an Uchiha, and why?

gender: male Age: 4 (age changed by the snow ninjas in the story 'Dei-san KIDNAPPED')

Scarf-Kun: How do you change someone’s age?

Lamp-Chan: I don’t think there’s anything like that in the show.

Jinchuuriki:

Scarf-Kun: No.

a wolf jinchuuriki is sealed inside Dei-san. He has the fangs in human form of the wolf and the senses of the wolf in human form.

Lamp-Chan: This is confusing all over.

Scarf-Kun: I barely understand what I just read. Also no.

curse mark: same as sasuke's.

Scarf-Kun: Again no.

Wall-Chan: -appears out of no where- I hate my life. This OC makes the ratings drop dramatically.

Vampire yes/no: yes (was always a vampire because his aunts grandma and dad all are vampires.)

Lamp-Chan: There’s never even been vampires in Naruto...

Scarf-Kun:

Weapons: carry's a sward (the same sward as sasuke when he gets older), and explosive clay.

Lamp-Chan: Sward.

Scarf-Kun: You make my head hurt.

Jutsu: he can use the sharingan, and fire stile jutsu's and many other ones.

Scarf-Kun: You need to go back to school, little kid.

Eye color: alwase red because he alwase has the sharingan activated.

Scarf-Kun: Constantly having the Sharingan activated would wear out the user, as well as make them blind. If they’re his own natural eyes, he’d be blind in no time, like Itachi or Madara. If they’re someone else’s eyes that implanted into him, it’d exhaust him, like Kakashi. Even manga Sasuke gets exhausted, and he uses his brother’s eyes.

Chakura color: most of the time its blue but because of his demon its black.

Scarf-Kun: That.. what? That makes no sense.

Lamp-Chan: So... is it blue or black?

Wall-Chan: Chakra is either only green or blue, depending on if it’s the game or the anime.

Hunted by: many organizations but mostly the akatsuki.

Weaknesses: just the site of his comrads and family dieing.

Scarf-Kun: That’s not a weakness. That’s a fear.

Powerups: none yet besides the wolf demon activation.

Scarf-Kun: Except the fact that you’re also the vampire.

Wall-Chan: None except being a super powerful jinchuuriki.

Lamp-Chan: None except godmod.

Biography: Dei-san is a jinchuuriki and the wolf demon was sealed inside him by his father (just like naruto XD).

Scarf-Kun: EMOTE

Wall-Chan: Because death is so funny, lawl. Losing one of your parents is hysterical.

at one point he was 8 but his age changed when 5 snow ninja abducted him wanting his demon but used the wrong jutsu and turned him into a 4 year old.

Wall-Chan: Because that can totally happen.

Scarf-Kun: How do you use the wrong jutsu?

Lamp-Chan: If they wanted a demon, I’d think they would study up on what they want to use.

and his father (Madara) saved him before anything else happened. He is a vampire.

Scarf-Kun: Why?

but he can stand sunlight and has different threats other then garlic and wooden stakes. He got a curse mark when he first met Orochimaru, his master.

Scarf-Kun: I hate all of this.

OVERALL:

No. Don’t. Just don’t even. Call Jesus and delete this character completely. There is no saving it. We cannot help you.

We have a new fellow applying for the role of being a mod, so the next couple reviews will be featuring Lamp-chan. This is a test run, and there are no promises that Lamp-chan will stay.

Wall-Chan: Nah, she’s fine! If it’s that bad, just move her.

Scarf-Kun: I honestly really do like her, and I really look forward to what else you can create.

(9/9)

So emo, Mod Wall-Chan.

(8/9)

Mod Wall-Chan, everyone.