#scadi

This year I’ve learnt to embrace and accept every season. And not only I embraced them, but I also loved them with every bit of my soul. I would never exchange my country where we have all four seasons with their transitions to an even slightly warmer one. It made me realize that I am more of a north child. In the summer I genuinely enjoyed the heat and now that it’s winter I thrive in the frost. I immerse in the air and it feels as I become one with it no matter the temperature. I wait for the snow like a child, it makes me really happy. Rainy weather is still something I need to work on. Though it is even natural that I may feel down during the rain. I have also had the realization that actually there are no four seasons, there’s a lot more. That is why I love Wheel of the Year so much. It celebrates at least eight seasons, it brings attention to transitions that may last just as much as generally accepted seasons. They were so visible to me this year. This autumn I made an active conscious decision to never let myself be cold (which sometimes led to me being pretty hot) and I feel like it’s definitely a form of self-care. Also in the middle of November I was walking my dog and the name Scadi just came to my mind. I smiled and thought: “Hello, welcome”. That was the moment I knew the winter actually came.

The lockdown back in march brought me to a pretty good state of mental health (I know it wasn’t like that for a lot of people, but working from home for such a long time was the best thing that happened to me), I didn’t have high anxiety for more than half a year. Quite often I was deeply sad and crying, but it’s okay. Autumn was pretty hectic, it brought up a lot of unpleasant things, for example, thoughts of death and how much I don’t want it to come to anyone I know. The thoughts came exactly before Samhain which I find pretty funny. I am still not in a good relationship with death, but it’s something I want to work on.