Double Date with ATEEZ, Introduction Episode: ATEEZ Ahoy!
Welcome, ATINY!
I’m glad we’re starting this series with an introduction episode. I’ve spent the last week reading everything I could find about ATEEZ so I could get to know them a little before we start dating them. I followed fan accounts on all my social media apps, cramming like it was finals week. And one of the first things I learned is that ATEEZ is not subject to a dating ban.
I was stunned. I didn’t even know this was allowed in K-pop.
Apparently, KQ Entertainment does not enforce a dating ban on ANY of its artists. If I’m to believe what I’m reading online, KQ also does not enforce a drinking ban or a driving ban (I didn’t even know some companies had driving bans), and they encourage ATEEZ to speak their minds in interviews. This probably explains why the members seem so hyperactive and full of sexual innuendo in many of their interviews. I’ve watched YouTube clips of members saying things that had me spit-taking my root beer right onto my phone. I kept waiting for KQ reps to storm onto the set and drag the members out by their ears. Now I know it’s just business as usual.
ATEEZ even had input on this very show we’re about to watch. Unlike the group Treasure, who insists they were dragged onto Shining SOLO kicking and screaming, ATEEZ is suiting up, spritzing on some Creed Aventus, and striding confidently through your door to tell your parents they are here to pick you up, and they’ll bring you home whenever they damn well please.
“We’re going to Aruba. I got you a passport and a bikini. Let’s go.”
I’m excited to get to know these guys better, especially since their “In Your Fantasy” video is so hot and steamy, it gave me a pregnancy scare. Let’s do this.
We start with a quick summary of the group’s success so far, including their 2024 Coachella performance. I remember that vividly. My boss actually texted me to tell me she and her daughter stayed up until 2am to watch the performance live online. I was recapping Wild Idol at the time, and I wrote this:
ATEEZ has become another one of my K-pop obsessions. They were not formed on one of these shows, but I love to imagine what kind of survival reality show would bring a group like that together. Drinking games in old west saloons, actual gunfights in the streets of abandoned towns, motorcycle jumps over stadiums full of people dancing the Macarena. Some trainees would actually get arrested during the show. Others would get drunk, wander off, and wake up on the survival reality show for a girl group. It would be awesome.
The episode opens with our boys doing their “eight makes one team” cheer. Their captain, Hongjoong, is sitting on a pink cushioned chair in the center of the group. I love that they call him a captain instead of a leader. It adds to their whole adventurous vibe.
Hongjoong says they are introducing a pirate broadcast for ATINY. “What’s the foundation of the ATEEZ universe?” he asks the others.
“Pirates!” they answer.
“Exactly!” says Hongjoong. “So this pirate broadcast will run in a guerrilla style.”
I’m going to love this show.
Our pirates are here to brainstorm. Pirates with the best ideas get to sit on the pink throne. While they can say anything they want, the production team will decide which ideas will make it to the show. The group is a little disappointed, but I’m a bit relieved. Without the production team’s supervision, these guys could wind up in jail.
As if to prove my point, Jongho suggests they film Hongjoong taking a shower.
According to my notes, Jongho, the maknae, is the most chill, normal one in the group. This idea came from the normal one. This show is going to be insane.
“Wait ‘til you hear my next idea! Wooyoung, do you have a pair of handcuffs and jumper cables?”
We then get a montage of the members posing and flirting with the camera so we can learn their names.
Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho, and Yeosang
San, Mingi, Wooyoung, and Jongho
Now back to our brainstorming session. Mingi suggests a two-day trip to Saipan, which is a United States commonwealth, so I’m sure American ATINYs are one hundred percent on board. But the others shoot it down because of the long plane ride.
Wooyoung suggests a cross-country cycling and stamp collecting tour. (Is stamp collecting a popular thing in South Korea?) The others shoot that down. In a confessional, Wooyoung tells us he went cycling the day after Coachella and went 61 kilometers (38 miles). He lives for cycling. He seems nice. I’m hoping he sneaks a bike onto the set during this show. I want to see him happy.
San says he’s been watching a show called Crime Scene and would like to do an escape room with a crime-solving theme. The others love the idea, so San now gets to sit in the pink chair.
Normal guy Jongho has another idea. He’s been watching a show called Changing Majors and suggests each member pick a major and teach ATINY about it. He would teach art and physical education. Hongjoong volunteers to teach debate. Seonghwa wants to teach Korean, but in his own dialect. (Seonghwa is from Jinju and speaks in a dialect called Satoori. I really wish I were fluent in Korean so I could hear how he sounds compared to his bandmates.)
San worries that ATINY isn’t getting enough sleep, so he volunteers to read them stories at night to help them drift off. There you go, ATINY. With thoughts of ATEEZ as your teachers and San soothing you to sleep, you now have plenty of fanfic inspiration. Merry Christmas!
This idea starts to fall apart when Yeosang volunteers to teach a cooking class, using his own recipes. “You put ketchup in ramyeon!” Jongho protests. We learn Yeosang also puts Nutella on kimbap. (Isn’t kimbap kind of like sushi? Why would you put Nutella on sushi?) Despite this culinary blasphemy, the others like Jongho’s idea, and he gets the pink chair. Maybe he can teach ATINY how to pump their own stomachs after trying Yeosang’s recipes.
Yunho suggests having them all take part-time jobs for a day, which gets him the pink chair just ten seconds after Jongho sits down. Poor maknae. Hongjoong says they should take their own manager’s job for a day, which I’m vetoing immediately because again, someone needs to keep these guys out of federal custody.
Out of nowhere, Wooyoung remembers that today is San’s father’s birthday, and they wish him happy birthday on air, which is really sweet. These guys have the attention spans of squirrels. San builds on this and says they should do a show where they show how to be kind and respectful to their parents. Hongjoong is on board as long as they switch it up so each member is teamed up with another member’s parents. Wooyoung loves this idea, and I remember something from my notes. (flipping through my notebook) Here we go. Apparently, and I’m quoting from someone on Reddit, “Wooyoung is a collector of people, including other people’s parents, and other idols.”
I have no idea why I didn’t have any follow-up questions after reading that. I was just scribbling down notes as I found them. But I now have a great idea for a horror movie.
Moving on. San suggests they make their own K-drama. Jongho has already contributed to several K-drama soundtracks and was even nominated for two Korean music awards for one of his songs, “A Day,” from the Lovely Runner soundtrack. This is one impressive maknae.
Yunho wants to go glamping. The others build on this idea, saying they should do the entire show in ASMR. Again, ATINY, if you can’t find fanfic inspiration from this, you are not worthy of your notebooks. Get writing.
Mingi has been watching something called Zombieverse and wants to do a show where everyone escapes from zombies. We are only halfway through this episode, and suggestions have included a road trip, stamp collecting, an escape room, switching parents, firing their manager, ASMR glamping, and now zombies. Can someone check on this group’s caffeine intake?
Mingi gets to sit in the pink chair and is immediately scolded for crossing his legs. I have no idea why this is bad, so I Google it, and yes, Koreans consider it rude to cross your legs in the presence of someone superior. Seonghwa is the oldest and Hongjoong is the captain, so Mingi is already outranked twice. I had no idea.
Finally, they settle down and talk about just filming a day off, where ATINY can see them living their normal lives. Wooyoung is happy because it means he can go cycling. But Hongjoong, who doesn’t know how to relax and take a day off, says he’d just spend all day in the studio. I can relate. I’m always answering work emails on my days off.
Hongjoong says he doesn’t really know how to have fun, and the others disagree, saying he always beats them at ping-pong. He once gave San a 9-point head start and still beat him, which I find really funny. It also reminds me of something else from my notes. KQ Entertainment might not have a dating ban, but they try to keep ATEEZ from playing competitive games because they get way too competitive. Allegedly, one member tried to choke Mingi over a game of Mafia.
Again, I’m begging the management team to keep these guys out of jail.
And once again, our boys prove my point after San tells the ping-pong story, and Jongho says to him, “Maybe you’re just bad at ping-pong.” The look San gives Jongho makes me wonder if he’s the one who tried to choke Mingi.
Someone suggests that they all learn a new skill, and San suggests that Seonghwa, the Satoori dialect guy, should learn to speak Korean. OOF.
Later on, they talk about drinking. San asks Mingi if he drinks beer when he goes bowling, and Mingi corrects him, saying, “I drink whiskey.” I remember seeing some YouTube clips of these guys doing variety show games while actually being drunk. These guys have absolutely no filter.
San says that he once went to an amusement park by himself, and the others are amazed at this, but I love it because I celebrated my 30th birthday by going to Walt Disney World by myself for a week. Just like San says, you can ride the attractions quickly because they’re always looking for just one more person to fill out a row of seats, so you get to jump the line. You can follow your own schedule and eat whatever you want whenever you want. San is perfectly happy dining by himself. I totally get this guy. I hope he’s not the one who choked Mingi.
The idea of amusement parks leads the group to the idea of traveling in teams. Seonghwa wants to team up with San, because San would force him out of his comfort zone. “Him going to an amusement park alone really shocked me,” he says. (Honestly, doing Disney alone was awesome. One of the best weeks of my life. Explore solitude, people.)
If I may digress for a second, I love the confessional rooms. Much respect to the set designer.
We start hearing ideas we saw in the trailer for this series. Mingi wants to drive a Lamborghini and stay at a 5-star hotel. Yunho wants to explore nature. The amusement park idea is still on the table. So is glamping. Jongho wants to go to an art studio.
They decide the theme will be A Day Off, and they will all team up in pairs, or double dates, doing fun things. “I’ll show my unfiltered self,” San promises us. That’s great, San. What is the number for 911 in Korea? I didn’t put that in my notes.
Yeosang says the fans teasingly call him a Maltese, and he wants to show himself to be a Doberman. Here we go. The emergency number in Korea is 112. Actual police officers answer that line. I imagine they’re used to getting calls about this group. They probably have an entire ATEEZ unit. That would be the best Law and Order show.
We wrap up the show with ATEEZ applauding the show idea and asking us to tune in next Sunday, August 10, for the premiere episode. I will be there with recapping bells on. I’ll see you next week, ATINY!
Just to be on the safe side, bring money in case we need to post bail.
Go to Episode 1 recap
