#sashinia2000

Omg Jaz, I didn’t remember that you were reading the fic ;_____; It made me so happy to read it because it’s you. Besides a reader more, which I treasure wholeheartedly, it’s someone I know and who I adore in my askbox, so it was liek twice the epic and the good that I felt in my little maccoonie heart. You had already told me you were reading it, basically have been since I started it a year and half ago, right? How could I forget omg klasjd kldajgadg, or maybe I didn’t, I just don’t specifically remembered or thought about it, so that you dropped by to tell me you’re following it, it really smacke dme in the face with joy and love and all these feelings and kalsjd akldgj klgda :’(

Aaw, Jaz, I really don’t know what to say. This fic is my treasure and darling baby, so that you gave it a chance, and that you haven’t stopped reading it despite how long it’s been going on and how massive it is…it really means a lot to me. You have no idea. Thank you so much for still keeping up with the fic, Jaz. I have no way to express my gratitude as I feel it…. :’(

Thank you so much as well for telling me that you like every chapters, that’s…thAT’S…h-hngnhg…omg, Jaz, my heart is so FULL, how do I say thank you enough…? (ﾉД`) Thank you so much. There’s chapters that make me feel very unsure because I feel it’s not good enough or it’s unnecessary, and I’ve felt that way about many chapters, so that you’re saying that you like them, it really makes me feel happy and such a relief, and even abit of pride. I mean, it’s okay to not like a chapter if it ever happens or has happened; what matters is that you like most of it and you’re keeping up with it and that means the world to me, aah :’(

*hyperventilates*

A-aah….thank you…so, so much for what you said about everything, Jaz. ;A; I really have no way to tell you how much this ask made me feel. This fic is my real treasure...never before had I written something this huge, and never before had I put so much love in a fic. I mean, all I write, I write with love, but this is...well, 400k of constant love. And in the same measures that I love it, I can also feel insecure as to whether people like it or not and if they’re reading at all or not...

But I won’t bore you with my usual sentimentalism over this fic ahaha :’) What I mean is that I really mean it more than you know when I say thanks. I know it’s just a fic, but there’s really so much of me in it...it makes me very happy to know that you’re reading it, and that you’re enjoying of it.

Thank you so much for everything, Jaz. Thanks for giving it a chance, for still reading, and for liking it. Thank you for taking the time to write this wonderful ask to me. Anyone can read the fic, but barely anyone says something about it. So thank you for taking the time and effort of doing with dozens others don’t. Thank you fr your compliments, too, thank you so much. Thank you for saying all these nice things, and thank you for being so sweet about it....all what you said made me insanely happy, and made my heart swell in joy and warmth. Thank you immensely for all your wonderful words. :’)

Dear Jaz, thank you for this lovely ask. I can’t expess how much it made me smile, and for that, how grateful I am. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

I hope that you continue enjoying of the fic. I’ll be working on it. Next chapter has a lot of raccoonie love, and it’s usually those when I feel more confident, and it’s, hence, when it’s a bit fluffier than usual. So I hope you like reading it as much as I’ll love writing it <3

Dear Jaz! I send you lots of the FLUFFIEST and warmiest and squishiest raccoonie hugs that I can possibly give!! 

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL

Congratulations on starting an original book!!! WOW, BUDDY, THAT’S PHENOMENAL! THAT’S FANTASTIC!!! Holy moogles above, I’m SO excited and so happy for you!!!! :D

It takes something to start a project like that. Mostly because I know you care about what you’re doing, you’re not just one of those random people that write mere trash not knowing what they’re talking about. I think I’ve never read anything from you, but I don’t need that. From our interactions and the way you write even if it’s just in a conversation, I can tell for sure that you care and you’re GREAT at it. Besides, you wouldn’t be stressing this much if you wouldn’t care a bout it, right? 

That’s your first big hint that should help you calm down and be happier about it; the fact that you’re putting a lot of you into it. All this stress and the way the block is depressing you, all these feelings and all these sensations, you wouldn’t be feeling them if you didn’t care. If it wasn’t something special for you. If you didn’t want it to turn out fantastically.

I don’t mean to say that you need to be stressed and depressed every minute as you work on this, no. It’s okay once, twice, every here and there, but every time that it happens, you take that negativity and you see it from the other side. Because, in the end, the fact that you feel all that is because you care, and if you care, don’t you think that that means that you’ll give the best of yourself?? And that because of that, the results will be AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING!?!??!

I trust in that!!! Sometimes, the more excited you are and the more you care about a project talks about how much effort you’re willing to put into it. I know it’s just a fic, but look at Iggy and the Beast, for example. How I can so easily get nervous and anxious about it, and yet, how nice it is, how much effort and love I?m putting into it. It’s the same. You worry because you care, and if you care, it means you’re working and will work on it with every fiber of your body. And that, my friend, hard work given with all your might…that is half the way to your goal. :)

Now, as for advice as itself on what I do when I have a writer block, that’s pretty tough to ask…

Sometimes, it’s the things every internet page recommends you. Listen to music that fits the mood or scene you’re writing. Take a breath. Brainstorming (i was about to say ‘shower of brains’ ahahahhaha). And they work, they do sometimes.

But you know what I feel you need? The way you describe your block and how it makes you feel, the…essence or vibe or color that your ask as itself radiates. It sort of tells me of the one thing that took me so long to understand.

To get rid of your block, stop writing.

Sounds weird, doesn’t it? Like, you feel you’re too slow at running no matter how hard you practice, and the trainer tells you the best thing you can do is sit down and do nothing. Or you feel like you’re not doing progress with your new jutsu and Kakashi tells you the best you can do is go rest (AHA! Saw your comment on my Naruto post recently! <3). But wasn’t Kakashi right every time? I mean, I can’t in a mILLION LIVES, COMPARE MYSELF TO ALMIGHTLY LORD AND GOD KAKASHI BUT LIKE. IT WAS A WAY OF SAYING IT.

You know, Jaz…sometimes what we need to progress at what we’re doing is stop what we’re doing for one second. I don’t mean forever. I mean for one second, and by one second I don’t mean that advice of ‘go take a walk and take a fresh breath and then try again’, nope. I mean, three days, two weeks, one month. Not just a minute or an hour. 

Creating isn’t meant to give you a hard time, and it definitely isn’t meant to depress you. Art is meant to be a way to express our feelings, not to worsen them. Art, indeed, has never meant to be a way to heal; what heals us is to vent out our feelings,w hich we do through art, but art as itself isn’t mean for the task. Same for the other way around, it can transmit great negativity, but it’s never meant to build it. And if you’re getting some out of it, then you need to stop.

We have limits. Physical, emotional, in every way we have limits. That includes the limits of our creative process. As much as we love creating, we’re not meant to do it 24/7. Nobody is meant to do anything 24/7 other than blinking and breathing and existing, but no activity is meant for such amounts of time. You tire yourself. And what do you expect to happen when you exhaust yourself but destruction?

Think of it like a physical challenge. Imagine writing is running, and you’re training to jump into the junior leagues or whatever the first professional round is called. So you, OBVIOUSLY, go to train, right? And what do you do to get better and faster at running? Well, you practice. You run. So you run and you run and you run. And then you hit your limits, that point where the muscles are at one movement of breaking and your lungs are all stressed and you as a whole are feeling terrible.

BUT RUNNING IS YOUR PASSION,R IGHT??? AND IF IT’S YOUR PASSION AND YOU WANT TO GET REALLY GOOD AT IT, YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE EVERY DAY ALL DAY, RIGHT?

So you keep going and going.

And I assume you know the whole mess that happens then,r ight?

This whole thing about how…when you keep going after you hit your limits, you start having a backwards effect. Instead of getting faster, you’re getting slower. Instead of running better, you’re starting to stumble. Instead of getting healthier, you’re damaging your lungs, heart, other organs, and your muscles. And when the time to race comes, you’re so worn out, that you don’t make it 5 meters past the starting line before you’re already wasted.

…same for writing and any other creative process, Jaz, my dear.

You can’t push yourself too hard for too long. There’s limits. Writing every day is super healthy, but not for too long that it starts stressing you and depressing you. Sometimes, writer blocks hit randomly or for this or that. But you know what I think is happening to you, specifically? That you’re over-worrying about the book, and you’re so nervous, and you’re working too hard in it, that your brain went “That’s it, I can’t take more. I need a break from this specific thing”, and of course, naturally, it shut your writing spirits down.

And if you keep insisting on breaking it yourself, you’ll only worsen it, because we CAN’T fight against the brain’s orders! Brain wouldn’t block something if it wasn’t for OUR health. And if you insist on trying to write and write and write and write, you’ll be hitting that metal wall your brain set, and when it weakens, brain will put a SECOND, thicker, stronger barrier, and a third and a fourth AND HOW DO YOU PLAN ON BREAKING DOWN FOUR UNBREAKABLE BARRIERS, HM?

Your brain knows you’re tired. It knows this is poisoning you…your brain is only trying to block what it’s started to identify as an enemy. Don’t insist on making it worse. And don’t make of writing your enemy. Writing is an ally, a friend, a sister, a mother, a deity of its own, and it needs respect and love. Not your brain’s hatred.

And I tell you all this from experience. Why do you think the Beauty and the Beast updates take so long in between? I’m rather fast at writing (my long asks show it), so 15k is a thing of 2 or 3 days for me. So why aren’t updates weekly? 

Because I learned all this the bad way. Because I was starting to let writing, my dearest beloved art, transform into a poisoning monster that ate me. I wasted and exhausted myself worrying too much, writing too much, and giving too much, until I started doing it by force, like something that I feared but still had to do, until writing was not my friend but my owner. And no one owns no one here. You and your writing are friends. Should be friends.

Maybe you didn’t notice, because I didn’t say it explicitly, but the fic’s updates were relatively fast, and the one day I started playing Comrades and everything I talked about was Comrades, and then Dragon Age, and the updates were slower. It was because I learned that only when I stop can I continue, as ironic as it sounds. 

And sometimes it happens to specific things. Right now I’m VERY motivated for the Corqi fic, but when it’s about my ask requests or Iggy and the Beast, I’ve got to take these breaks in between. Because my asks had that effect on me too. I would answer 12k to each, sometimes 2 a day, every day…of course I exhausted myself beyond the limits.

So that’s my current advice to you, because it feels like you’re on this one specific problem, Jaz.

I wouldn’t know when it’s the ‘right’ time to come back. I don’t think there’s one specific ‘right time’. So long you let yourself rest as much as you need, then you can go try take the computer and open the document again. If, even before you write one word, it weighs in your mood, you’re not ready yet. So go back to take a break from this project, then come back some other day and try again. 

And I forgot to say, remember creators are always their greatest and toughest judge...and know that you can’t see your work as everybody else does, because you saw it grow. You remember its ugly stages. You can’t see the real beauty of it. It’s okay to correct as many things as you need to feel comfortable, but know that there’s not a thing like ‘perfect’. Not one thing is except math. But when it comes to art? Not a thing is perfect. Especially not to the artist/creator.

Remember, and I tell you this because many art and music and theatre and literature teachers told me in my high school, your art is always a thousand times more beautiful than you can see. It’s not advice or encouragement. It’s a fact.

And those are my advices to you, dear Jaz. I’m really excited and proud knowing you’ve taken up on such a journey, but I worry you may turn it into poison. Do not. Long journeys need good rests, or you’ll stay stuck in the middle and won’t reach the goal, right? So you take it easy. There’s no deadlines. There’s no pressure other than your own. Take it easy; create for the outside, don’t destroy on the inside.

Dear Jaz, I hope to hear from you again regarding this. And if this doesn’t work, you tell me and I try to figure something else out, because, as a reminder, I’m no expert and can only talk from experience!! But it’s okay. If the solution that works for me doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. We just operate differently and you need another sort of medicine, and we’ll look for it together if needed, okay? <3

Thank you for the good wishes and the trust, dear Jaz. And thanks for giving me a chance to put my thoughts in order (I just wrote ‘my orders into thought’ lmao) and to let me reflex!!

I wish the best for you and that original book. I bet it’s going to be phenomenal. :)

Oh my god, Jaz….Jaz I’m so sorry, I don’t even know where to start apologizing, I’m so sorry. I honestly forgot and that’s the worst part. If I had been busy for real I would have had an excuse at least, but the truth was just that; I put this in my drafts and then forgot it was there. I rarely check my drafts because that’s where I put stuff that I want to reblog at some point but don’t know when because it’s not FFXV related so I just wait until I’m done with the XV reblogs but I never am, and I just assumed everything in drafts was stuff to reblog, I totally forgot there was an ask here that I hadn’t replied to and that it was yours, I’m so sorry, so, so, so sorry, Jaz… :(

I don’t offer an excuse and if you’re upset you have all the rights to be, I understand. Jesus, it’s been a while since Ir eplied this and I mean, there are asks in my inbox that are like a year old but those are prompts or requests and it’s fine, but yours was a personal and it’s been so long for me to answer to it aklsdjalkgjadklgja omg Jaz I’m so sorry….

I’m sorry, Jaz, very sincerely. Zomg…I’m sorry OTL

Well. Still answering ahah ;w;

HEWWO JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 Don’t worry about how long it’s been since you dropped by to say hello IT’S BEEN LONGER SINCE I REMEMBERED TO REPLY TO THIS AHAHAHSDLKAFDJGHFKLJ OMG I’M SO SORRY, I’M TRYING TO ANSWER LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED BUT I KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT JESUS CHRIST PLS FORGIVE ME I’M SO SORRY, YOU DON’T- OMG YOU TOOK THE TIME AND THE SWEETNESS TO WRITE TO ME AND I THE ASSHOLE JUST FORGOT TO REPLY, HOW D AKSLDJFKLGFHJDGLKJ OMG I’M SORRY ;n;

Akjdlsafdgalkfjaklhj hhhnnnngnggg. HEWWO JAZ!!! ;w; I’m sorry OTL

Don’t worry about being busy. Real life is already super busy as it is and then we get here and it can get sort of ‘busy’ in its own non-serious way too! I hope that whatever’s been keeping you /kept you busy has given you a break from time to time and that it’s something you enjoy. <3

I’m doing well! A little ‘busy’ in the non-serious way trying to nail down all my PMs and asks (I’ve lately had a quite excited anon flooding me ahahahah! It’s lovely but keeps me super busy because each I answer gets drowned by another incoming 5 ;w;) and the reblogs and the fics. I’m having funa nd take my breaks to make it enjoyable and not turn it into something I dislike, but hence it goes slower. And out of Tumblr I’m doing okay too! 

How have you been, dear Jaz? Besides WAITING FOR MY ASK OTLHave  yuo been alright? And happy? I wonder what else you’ve been up to since you last wrote to me!! Hoping sincerely that it’s been okay with you too because you too deserve SO MUCH HAPPINES LIKE LOADS OF IT!!!!!!! You’re such a nice and good person that does no harm to others, you deserve all em happy things and events. U HAVE ALL IT GOOD KARMA, MY FRIEND!!! <3

GASPS

YOU’VE BEEN WRITING AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JAZ, THAT’S PHENOMENAL! THAT’S ABOSLUTELY WONDERFUL, AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, JAZ, I’M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU AND ABOUT IT, I’M SO HAPPY AND SO PROUD TO KNOW THAT YOU’VE TAKEN UP ON SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE WRITING, AND MORE THAN TAKING UP, RETAKING BECAUSE IT MEANS YOU USED TO ENJOY IT, LEFT IT FOR SOME REASON, AND YOU RETOOK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ

*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*

*EXPLODES*

Jaz, that’s WONDERFUL NEWS!!!! Omg buddy that’s fantastic, you have no idea how happy it makes me when someone says they’ve taken up/retaking a form of art. It’s so beautiful and so exciting, and you’re a friend so that adds a lot to the hype!! Jaz, that’s AMAZING! CONGRATS, BUDDY, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! ( ˙꒳​˙ )

It’s okay that you took a longer break than you had first expected. Be it because you were busy or just lacking the motivation, it’s okay! What matters is that you went back to it and you must have felt so refreshed and welcomed back. The warmest welcoming is the one given after a long wait (but thankfully it wasn’t THAT long either!!). Plus, you took all the time that you needed to get back to it so it means you’re not forcing a single bit of it and that’s PHENOMENAL!! <3

I’m so happy to know that you’re motivated now, Jaz, all of this is honestly SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY :’3 AKLSJDLAKDGJADLKGJAGLKAJGA AAAAAAAHHHHHH, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! <3

I guess the first time you sent the first part you were telling me what you were writing, so I don’t know for sure what you meant with hoping that one day I can read ‘it’, but I’d love to! I’m very slow at reading things because of the massive updates I do to my fics, but I think that I’d love to. Is it XV related? Original content? I’d get lost if it’s from something that I don’t know, but I can still try if you want me to <3 

Aaah, thank you for asking about the laptop! Lamentably I’m nowhere close to getting a new one. They’re pretty expensive. I’m fine with one of the cheapest because all I want is basic internet access and MS Word lmao, but they’re still quite a price number and I have no job >< I told my parents as a joke that maybe they could give me one if I approved the exam to get into uni, and now I feel guilty because even though they knew it was a joke they seem to be taking it pretty seriously and I’ll cry if they do get me one when I go into uni ;n; I feel so bad because I’m in my early twenties and have never had a job and have never brought a penny to the house and I feel bad mining the work that they do everyday for a tantrum aklsdjfkldgjalk aaaaahhhhhhh ;n;

I thought about using the money that I’ve saved up from my kofis, but…to be honest, I’m being consciously selfish there, because I don’t want to waste my kofi money in ¼ of the price of the laptop… ;n; I want the kofi money to be mine for games or books, it’s money I’ve earned from doing what I love and I wanted it to go to selfish things, but I’m still debating with myself as to maybe having to put it for the laptop ahaha ;w;

Again, don’t feel bad for being busy!! Real life stuff is more important, and Tumblr isn’t going anywhere (not without a long time warning that we’ve never had, thankfully!), so don’t you stress. I for sure am going nowhere, so you take the time that you need and want :3

And don’t say you’re ‘not keeping me for longer’, because it’s not like you’re taking my time by force, dear Jaz!! You texting to me is a kind gift to me so you’re not taking any time off me, you’re taking YOUR time! <3

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, JAZ, I’VE MISSED YOU TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*sQUEEZES U*

Sweet precious wonderful dear Jaz, thank you soooooooooooooooo LIKE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR DROPPING BY TO SAY HELLO AND SHARE ALL OF THIS WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, I don’t even know where to start, I’m sorry for taking so long, and thank you immensely for dropping by, my friend!! ;A;

Thank you for the time you dedicated to writing to me and the one to read me. It sounds like you’ve been very busy and I really appreciate that you’ve taken some time to write to me, you have no idea :’(

Thank you for updating me on what you’ve been up to, and thank you for sharing with me that you’ve retaken your writing!! Those news made me so happy, and re reading still makes me feel shivers out of the joy askldjfdaklgjaklgjadglkj <3

Thank you for being as kind and as gentle as you always are with me. You’re so precious and I hope you know that. You’re always so nice and patient and so good with me, I don’t know how to express it enough or how to let you know or how to thank you properly :’3 Thank you so much for being the sweet and warm creature that you are, Jaz. You’re truly phenomenal and I’m very happy that you exist. The world can very easily wear me out, and it’s creatures like you that relieve it off my shoulders. Thank you <’3

I’ve missed you SO MUCH TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every time I re fave both your artworks I think about you and I was wondering what you were doing and if you were okay. And there I was, forgetting that it was me who never replied... :’D Really, seriously, I’m so sorry, Jaz, I didn’t mean to take this long... OTL 

I hope that you’ve been okay, Jaz! Have you been okay and doing better? How’s the writing going? I’m eager to hear about you again, buddy!! :3

I WUV U TOO, JAAAAAAAAAAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALKSDJAKLGDJDAKLGJDAGLKDAJ AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH, LOTS OF HUGS FOR MAH BUDDY JAZ!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ