#sargust

Terrain Boundaries Territory was the first fic I wrote for them in summer of 2021. I went into a two-week fugue state and forgot to do anything else while I worked out the story.

In TBT, Sara decides she’s going to get revenge on August for how he treated Simon. She decides she’s going to do that by dating him, finding out all his secrets, and ruining him somehow. Of course, as Sara and August get closer and more entangled, things get more complicated between them.

I used this fic to discover characterizations for Sara and August, mostly, and figured out what made them tick. It really helped me to bond with them as characters. I feel like my Simon is reasonably characterized, but the other secondary characters need… a lot of work. At this point the show was new, I was lurking, and I couldn’t even keep the character names straight. It showed.

I wrote TBT right when I got into verse novels, so it’s in verse. I also decided I was going to write Sara’s POV as a second person narrator, to put the reader uncomfortably close to what she’s thinking and feeling. These things are fun to play with in an MFA program, but they’re a bit risky for fanfiction, where a lot of fans prefer familiar tropes and writing styles. I still love that this fic reignited my passion for writing fanfiction in general.

Also there’s a Fleabag reference that no reader has found yet. Beat you to the punch, Lisa.

An excerpt:

There is a floorboard in the hallway where August’s step hesitates, a door on his left like a gap between fangs. In the evening, now sober, you return without him— stand in the threshold of the door and sniff each layer of dust, catalogue the shrouded furniture, the landscapes painted in storms of oils, the one tall harp, out of tune. Footsteps, doubling back. His shadow touches your shoulders and, This is where we found my Pappa dead. Like he didn’t mean to say it out loud. Did he know he was being too honest? You know what that’s like.

Next excerpt comes from an unfinished, August-POV sequel to Terrain Boundaries Territory I was writing in Fall and Winter of 2021. After TBT, I was asking myself: well, how did August manage to fall in love with Sara? I could feel, instinctively, that he was going to fall in love with her, whenever season 2 of YR came around. I just wanted to work out what it would look like. I started to play with the idea that maybe he dates her to deflect any suspicion about the video, but starts to soften toward her as he realizes they have a lot of loneliness and grief in common.

In this scene, Sara’s just had a meltdown during a clash between Marieberg and Hillerska students. Sara and August are just starting to date publicly, and everyone has thoughts, including Sara’s old bullies. They’re nasty to her, and Rosh (who happens to be both Present and Intimidating) tells them off. Sara runs away, and August goes to find her.

They talk:

“So you have some friends at Marieberg.” “They’re Simon’s friends. They only like me because of Simon.” Oh. Shit. If August were a good boyfriend (which, he isn’t) and this were a real relationship (it’s not, they just need one another for appearances) he’d tell Sara I like you because of you. Maybe also I’ll always put you first. They’ve only been official for a short while, but guys have whispered bolder lies into a new girlfriend’s hair. That’s sort of how relationships work, isn’t it? Always moving too fast and lying. August wants to say that because Sara’s brushed aside the graveyard dirt that covers up an old memory: his first parents’ weekend, back when he was a gangly kid with no muscle definition and no idea how to dress himself, when he told his mamma people only like me because Erik makes them. That put a shocked expression on Mamma’s face. Then she forgot just ten minutes later, when she told August she was seeing people again. Three years and becoming prefect should have dulled August’s memories of that weekend, but now unearthed, the memories only make the present feel fake. Sara’s closed in on herself—head bowed, eyes on the ground, now ungloved hands clutching at her elbows. Inside Sara must feel cold, raw, bruised, inert. Like forgotten meat at the back of a freezer. It’s not fair that she should feel that. Not when she’s smart and detail-oriented and secretly daring. Not when she’s the sort of girl who becomes a social media heroine for rescuing cats. August is too scared of saying I like you, even as he’s counting all the reasons people should like Sara. So instead he asks, “Do you want me to hold you?” Sara nods. August follows the advice of football scarf girl and hugs Sara tight. She doesn’t tense up—it’s the first time he’s felt her relax, actually. That he’s noticed. If he’s going to pull off this fake boyfriend thing, maybe he should notice more. “You asked,” says Sara. “You’ve never asked before.” Talking into his coat, she adds, “I need somewhere to rest.” “I told you, you can always use my room.” “Somewhere to actually rest.” “I know. I understand. Come on.” He takes her hand and leads her back to the dorms.

Next, in early 2022, @heliza24 and I began publishing Heart and Homeland, our ensemble regency AU. I think to this day, we’re one of the few true ensemble fics in YR fandom that gives all five main characters roughly equal POV time, but I could be wrong about that. I intend to finish the epilogue chapters in 2025.

Anyway, I felt like I had a solid grasp on Sara and August at this point, and also I love period dramas. Do you know how exciting it was for me to write them in a troubled gothic romance situation? Sara’s the governess for Felice’s younger sisters, and August is attending Hillerska with Simon and Wilhelm while also being engaged to Felice. Felice breaks off her engagement to August though, and then after a Series Of Dramatic Events, Sara and August run off together.

The first twentysome chapters of the fic were written before season 2, and I think I did a reasonably good job predicting Sara and August’s dynamic. Also, they hooked up in a moving carriage, so I may have predicted a Bridgerton season as well, oops. Anyway, here’s a scene from the morning after that hookup, and if you’ve read far enough into the story, you know this will have tragic resonance later on:

Sara tugged the dressing gown tighter around her shoulders. August sat beside her on the bed, careful not to upset his mug. An aroma from Sara’s childhood filled the air, and she remembered how Pappa, in his better moods, used to let her grind coffee beans when he came back from his voyages. Preparing coffee for Pappa and Mamma helped Sara to feel useful, even though she had not been allowed to drink it herself. “That’s coffee, isn’t it?” Sara asked. The smell never bothered her the way it did Simon, after Pappa was arrested for smuggling it. “It is,” said August. “Her Majesty’s ban doesn’t really apply here with us. It is really only for the general public’s benefit, to help them moderate their vices.” Vices. Sara felt she had not indulged hers enough. “May I have some coffee?” “You may.” August handed Sara the mug, and Sara drank as he drawled on. “Speaking of Her Majesty, she is in good health, although of course it distressed her to learn of last night’s events. I am glad I was the one to bring her the news and reassure her of His Highness’s well-being. One needs the support of family at such dire times.” He was showing off now, speaking breezily about his connections to the monarchy, as if Sara herself hadn’t danced with the prince earlier. “Her Majesty has already implied that I should stay in town for the coming days so that I can assist Wille as he returns to the palace. I will be back and forth between here and there. You must promise not to fret too much when I’m out.” “I am capable of occupying myself, and you are quite committed to serving the realm. We will manage a few hours apart,” said Sara. A moment later she realized that he probably wanted her to say something else. Felice had explained once that boys sometimes expressed such sentiments so that girls could reassure them of their devotion. “Of course in practice, I am sure I will miss you, and that you will miss me.” Things were moving fast. Sara took a final long sip of coffee before handing the mug back to August. “Here you are.” August looked down into the mug. “You drank all of it.” “You will have to bring me more, then.” Sara smiled.

Now that we’ve had Sara and August in the historical past, let’s move on to some fic where they find one another again in the future! While I am very satisfied with their breakup at the end of season 3, and think it’s what was right for them, I sometimes imagine a possible future where they can try again and things work out for them. Why? Because I like seeing them kiss. It’s really not that deep.

Here’s something unfinished I wrote after season 3, where the Swedish people are about to vote on a referendum about whether or not they want to end the monarchy. August (who has been through a lot of character development and worked to make things up with Simon) just assumes everyone is going to vote to end the monarchy, so he’s doing everything he can to make sure the transition goes smoothly and that they can give the monarchy a good “funeral” and such. Meanwhile, Sara is working a toxic nonprofit job that takes advantage of her passion to make the world a better place. And wouldn’t you know it? They’re crossing paths:

August nods and exits out through the double doors, and just like that, Sara becomes a royal guest. Perhaps one of the last royal guests ever, if last week’s polling data means anything. She hopes no one will interview her for a documentary about it in the future. There’s a farcical moment two minutes afterward where August sticks his head back in and says he’s forgotten his sunscreen, and Sara hands him the bottle before he goes out again. It’s a brand she’s never seen before—something ridiculously expensive and high SPF. Fragrance free, too. Sara can’t help watching through the windows as August rubs the sunscreen onto the back of his neck and onto his exposed forearms. Can’t help wondering if she’d have rubbed it in for him, admonishing him like you know you burn so easily, if they’d had their summer weekends in Bjärstad during his military service like he’d wanted. Still, Sara hadn’t wanted it, then, and that thought should be enough to push herself back into fifteen minute stretches of newsletter edits and donor emails. Sara reminds herself of her bosses’ talking points: that PuzzleChildrens’ oldest donors appreciate the paper copies of the newsletter they receive each month, that the personal stories of lost children remind them where their money is going, that Sara is doing so well at communicating with people and that she shouldn’t worry too much about creating a perfect product, only one that reaches people’s hearts. She opens up a colleague’s story about a pitiable single mother in Luleå called Maja, whose eleven-year-old daughter Saga has been “stolen” by a serious disease. The colleague is older and touchy, so Sara phrases all her line edits delicately. What she really wants to type is: Don’t call meltdowns “tantrums.” Of course Saga has empathy, she loves her dog and she probably feels that very deeply. And for fuck’s sake arm flapping isn’t a “babyish gesture.” But no. She can’t respond like that. Not with the amount of money these newsletters raise, not when her older colleagues don’t know things, and she was the one hired to educate them. Sara thinks that maybe, the cotton of her sundress would be better if it were rougher. If she could run the nail of her index finger across her hip and it would hurt just enough to remind her how to communicate with people at work so they don’t think she’s a freak. Eventually Sara’s phone buzzes with an incoming text, pulling her out of her thoughts. Do you want something to drink? It’s from August. Sara looks up, and he’s still outdoors on the balcony. He glances in Sara’s direction and offers her a stiff—but not unfriendly—wave. The glass between them is impossibly clean, probably scrubbed this morning by the staff at Solliden. Sara texts back. I don’t want to trouble you too much. Are you having something? Seltzer. There’s a local brand that just launched, they do one with an elderflower and pear infusion. August makes a face at his phone (Sara’s still watching him, it’s that twisting expression his mouth sometimes makes when he’s embarrassed himself, like he’s gotten an unexpected taste of sour candy) and types a follow up. It’s less pretentious than it sounds. You can have what you want though. We’re well-stocked here. Seltzer sounds good, Sara responds. I’ll have that, thanks.

Do I have other future scenarios? Yes. One of them involves Sara and August on a road trip back to Sweden (they can’t do air travel because of a volcanic explosion in Iceland) so they can get to Wilhelm and Simon’s engagement party in time. This is a future set after August leaves the monarchy behind, but hasn’t explained to anyone why and it’s a bit of an incident. Sara is working a shitty nonprofit job in this story idea, too, since the road trip idea was sort of a 2.0 iteration of what you see above.

Anyway, when I think about them as adults, I enjoy letting them be a little bit kinky. Mostly because they both seem to have intense sensory needs and would also like figuring out the power exchanges, and also because you can have a scenario where Sara’s tried more kinks than August has, and it reverses the experience dynamic they have as teenagers. Like this:

Sara presses the brush bristles down onto August’s open palm. It’s only a little bit of extra pressure, spread out over multiple prickling points, but it sends a current up his arm and through his chest. August draws in a sharp breath. He and Sara meet eyes. They’re studying one another now, like they’ve both been hit by the realization that it’s been over ten years and they’ve tried other things with other partners. “So.” Sara smiles out of one corner of her mouth. “You like a little bit of pain?” “Maybe,” says August. “I mean, life at the palace was pretty conservative, so I didn’t get to explore much—” “Please.” Sara is the one laughing now, and there’s a mixture of affection and disdain in it that makes something in August’s stomach curl. “Royals get away with doing all kinds of kinky shit.” “Not me,” says August. “I was working all the time.” His face flushes as he realizes how embarrassing it sounds—Sara’s giving him an are you kidding me look—but there’s also something hot about it at the same time. About wanting to squirm under her gaze. “We could try something tonight,” says Sara. “if you want.” “We promised ourselves we wouldn’t.” “We said we wouldn’t touch each other. And we won’t. I’m only going to touch you with the brush. Do you want me to explain?”

Sara domming is fantastic, but I also kind of imagine saraugust as a couple with with swtichy vibes. Which is why in L’escarpolette, twentysomething Sara has a surreal sex dream about getting tied up on a swing while she’s wearing her Valentine’s ball clothes:

August kneels, and that’s when Sara knows she has him where she wants him. Or, he has her where he wants her. Whichever is the truth. August reaches for Sara’s foot—the one that hasn’t lost its ballet flat—and his eyes meet Sara’s as he slides the shoe off and sets it aside. He bends down further to kiss her ankle. A current of electricity travels up Sara’s leg. The sensation leaves Sara twitching and ticklish. August seizes the hem of her skirts and lifts. Out of the corner of Sara’s eye she glimpses the firelight down at the bottom of the hill, where the mysterious eighteenth century party frolics on. Perhaps sparks of that light glint in people’s eyes or in the lenses of their opera glasses as they swivel their gaze toward the hill… Sara’s balance falters. She tips backward. “Wait wait wait.” August lets go of Sara’s skirts and claps his hands back around her waist, steadying her before she can hit the ground. “I want to make sure you don’t fall.” He’s so earnest, and Sara still feels ticklish. She giggles, and August joins her, and for a moment they are consumed by the giddiness that comes with carrying out an odd and daring experiment in the night. But how to avoid falling? Sara follows the line of the swing’s ropes upward. Oh. Those flowering vines hanging down from the tree branches. They’re waving ever so slightly in the breeze, as if they’re trying to get her attention in secret. In her waking life, Sara sometimes imagines what it would be like to tie up a lover. Or what it would be like to ask a lover to tie her up. She’s never felt like she could ask anyone. Maybe here…

To finish off this post, let’s talk canon divergences. I once had a commenter on one of my fics say that they saw Sara and August as a case of Right Person, Wrong Timing. I can get behind this idea myself, and it’s always made me wonder what their relationship would be like when they met earlier, when August is raw from grief in his first year at Hillerska, and Sara is still experiencing bullying in public school. I’ve started a fic along those lines, and I’m hoping to finish it soon for events in January or February.

Looks like Sara and August are going to have to escape a situation together:

The boy in the closet with her is pale and slim. He twitches and groans softly. Something pinches inside Sara’s chest. Sympathy? He looks as trapped here as she is, and Sara wants to trust him. Just so she isn’t alone. She crawls over to the boy and kneels at his side. She keeps a house key in her palm just in case. His eyes flutter open halfway. “You’re awake,” Sara says. “Fuck.” He blinks. “You’re… Sara?” “Yes,” she says. It’s a relief to hear someone say her name aloud, even though he’s a stranger. “Did you hit your head when you fell?” Haltingly, the boy pushes himself up to a sitting position. “I’m… not sure.” “You should check.” He’s quite tall, Sara notices. And he’s sitting still, not checking his head like she told him to. Sara can’t tell from looking at him if he has any lumps on his head; he has thick, dark curls that hide that. She’d have to run her fingers through his hair if she was going to help him check. Will she have to? The boy hasn’t moved yet. It’s like he’s in a daze.  Sara’s fingers twitch. She’s impatient. Before she can raise her hands and look the boy over, to make sure that he’s safe, he finally shakes himself alert and moves his hands to his hair. “No lumps,” the boy says. “So I’m alright.” His eyes land on Sara. “Are you…” Sara replies with the truth. “They locked me in here for hours. We need to get out.”