#samangst

Sam and I’s relationship was odd. It was a friend with benefits type of relationship, but at the same time it wasn’t. It was a relationship where on valentine's day he got me my favorite flowers, and set up a romantic gesture. On Christmas he bought me jewelry, and on thanksgiving when he got up and said what he was thankful for, and he said me.  

It was sitting at a stop light and having a green light come up, but two seconds later it was a yellow light then red again. Sam never gave me enough time to process everything going on, so when valentines rolled around this year again Sam bought me flowers and set up his bedroom into a movie theater like space.

We were only supposed to be Friends with benefits, he wasn’t supposed to fall in love. I wasn’t supposed to feel confused; I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him either. I had kept a lot of what was going on to myself, but Dean wasn’t blind. He had told me how he’d see the spark in Sam’s eyes when he looked at me, but Dean also knew what our relationship was really based on.  

Before spending the rest of the day was Sam. I got up early and hung out with Dean, it was normal things that we were talking about. That was until Sam came in and interrupted out conversation. I could see the jealousy that wrapped his soft features. “What are you two doing out here?” Sam asked rising his eyebrows and folding his arms together. Dean looked over at me and then back at him “We were talking. Why? Does that bother you Samuel?”  

Dean asked before going back to work on the impala. “No, it doesn’t bother me Dean. And it’s Sam jackass not Samuel.” He said before slamming the door. I looked over at Dean, and he shrugged his shoulder a sympathetic look falling onto his face.  

“What is going on Dean?” I asked him swinging my legs off the table I was sitting on. “You can’ see it can you?” Dean said looking up from the engine of the impala. “What can’t I see?” I asked intrigued into what he was going to tell me next.  

“Hon, Sam is a soft creature. But he falls hard and quick. He’s jealous of our relationship because he hasn’t said he likes you and he’s probably afraid that I’m going to steal you. Which no offense I wouldn't do.”  

I looked at him for what seemed like an eon. “What!” A confused look grabbing my features. “Oh, shit that makes more sense now. Th... the Valentines, the Christmas gifts, the thanksgiving things. He was trying to say it but he didn’t know how.” Dean looked at me a smirk written on his lips. “You’re such a smart cookie Y/n.” I rolled my eyes before jumping off the table and saying “Jackass” as I walked back into the bunker.  

As I walked past Sam's room, I could hear the TV on a low volume. I peeked my head in and saw him, his hands resting behind his head, his feet crossed at the end of his bed. “Whatch’a you watching, Sam?” I asked staying in the doorway. “Nothing, you get bored sitting out with my brother.” He said not looking over at me.  

“I don’t even know how to respond to that question, Sam.” I said a hurt expression falling over my face. Still Sam laid still. “Sam... I’m... Just be straight with me. I don’t like playing games.” I said starting to get anger that I was being ignored and treated like shit when I hadn’t done anything wrong.  

“You don’t like playing games, that rich coming from you. You want me to be straight with you, then fine. You can’t let me fuck you and then go have a great relationship with my fucking brother.”  

One it was odd to hear him curse, that was more Dean’s thing. Two how dare him tell me who I can fuck and who I can have a relationship with. “Really Sam. Who do you think you are? To tell me who I can fuck and what I do with other people. If you like me, then just fucking say it. At least be a man about it, don’t beat around the bush.”  

“You need to make up your mind Y/n. Either you and I get together and become more then friends with benefits, or you can leave the bunker.” He said before once again his attention was wrapped around the TV.  

“Fuck you Sam.” I said slamming his bedroom door. After everything we had been through, everything we’d told each other. And for him to act like a dick, like it was my fault that he didn’t tell me that he liked me.  

Instead of walking to my room, I went to find Dean. I needed to talk to someone, at least someone that wasn’t Sam at the moment. As I walked into the garage and slammed the door behind me Dean hit his head on the hood of the impala. “What’s going on Y/n?” He said rubbing the bump that was forming.  

“Your fucking brother, he’s being a douche bag. Telling me that if I don’t make up my mind and get together with him, I have to leave the bunker. All I asked him was what he watching, and he was automatically a dick about us talking. If he thinks I want to be together with him now after he sat there and treated me like I... like I was a whore fuck that. Fuck that Dean.” I said pasing back and forth, my anger starting to boil down and tears rolling down my cheeks instead.  

This wasn’t about a relationship anymore this was about how I felt, how I fallen in love with a huge puppy and now he was just being a dick. Dean came over and hugged me tightly, my hot tears staining Dean’s already dirty shirt. We sat there for how long I don’t know. Dean had just let me cry it all out, some much pent-up frustration, confusion, and hurt.  

“Y/n, let’s go inside it’s late. I have an idea just sleep now sweetheart.” I really didn’t do anything, just shook my head and then Dean pick me up I wrapped my legs around waist and we walked out of the garage. I could slightly hear some movement in the library as we walked into it. “Sweetheart, I’m going to put you on the couch now okay.” And then his body heat was gone, and I shivered against the couch.  

I honestly wasn’t tried. You know that state where you are awake, but your eyes are closed. The old joke that dads always say “I’m just resting my eyes.” So, what I'm saying is that I was awake and was listening to everything that was being said.  

I heard Dean’s footsteps stop and that I heard Sam say “What the hell was that for?” I can only assume that Dean had smacked his brother in the back of the head. “That’ for not knowing how to express yourself. You know I always thought I'd be the one to push someone out of here, but not you. You can’t force Y/n to leave just because you aren’t happy with the choice she makes.”  

I continued listening, keeping my breathing steady. Since I couldn’t see Sam’s face all I could do was imagine it, the way he’d look at Dean with a confused look, and realization, and then regret of what he’d said to me.  

“Look Sam, I’m not trying to steal her from you. Now that clear you were mean and nasty. You’ve never been that way with anyone especially Y/n” Dean said I could feel both their eye gracing over me. “I know that you like her, she knows it. Explain to me why she ran to me and cried her eyes out. She thinks you think of her as a whore.” Dean said, with a huff probably sitting down.  

“Dean... I like her. That’s true, but she won’t come back to me now, not after what I said. I was hurtful and cruel. I don’t want her to leave, fuck I don’t want Y/n to leave at all. Maybe I could talk to her tomorrow.” Sam said probably running his hand through his hair, a fidget that Sam had.  

“Yeah, maybe Sam, Maybe. Now go over there and take her to her bedroom. Let her know that you care.” Dean said before walking back out to the garage.