It's been a while since I watched Supernatural, so don't take my opinions as gospel or anything. But I think Dean is self-hating to the point of narcissism in some ways. Don't get me wrong, I empathise with Dean and understand why fans largely do too. But his self-loathing warps his perception and becomes the centre of EVERYTHING and at times that really has ripple effects on those around him - particularly Sam.
Take their childhood, Sam has a right to mourn the fact that he didn't get a normal childhood. He's allowed to be angry that he didn't get a home, a present father, a stable community, and consistent education. But whenever Sam attempts to express his complicated feelings about his childhood, Dean immediately interprets it as ' oh I was supposed to look out for you. Are you saying I failed? Are you confirming I'm worthless?' which grinds the conversation to a complete halt. Because of Dean's intense self-criticism, Sam can never really be 100% honest with him or ask for support with his own issues, especially regarding their childhood. As anything outside of 100% gratitude just becomes another stick for Dean to beat himself with, and the conversation is immediately derailed.
Not only does Deans self-hatred mean that Sam's expression of his own experiences are pretty consistently shut down. In some ways, I think Dean strips Sam of his autonomy - he's so self-loathing, he sees every decision Sam makes as being about/a reaction to him. A good example of this is Stanford. Rather than understanding Stanford for what it was, an attempt by Sam to carve out a better life from himself and escape hunting. Dean views it as betrayal or abandonment, some re-affirmation of his own belief that he's not worth caring about. Rather than understanding it's a rejection of hunting, he sees it as Sam rejecting him. To Dean, Sam isn't attempting to find a better life, he's punishing the family.
Overall, it's interesting that people largely and rightfully sympathise with Dean due to his self-hatred. However, I don't see as much discussion about how his self-hatred doesn't just hurt him, it hurts those he's close to, as it colours his interpretation of their every action. Dean's self-loathing is always the biggest thing in the room and that has consequences.
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Sam, Dean & Double Standards (by the narrative and by the audience)
These are all things that have been mentioned numerous times before. I'm more summarizing here to put it in one place.
The show, as well as the audience, works with a heavy Dean bias when judging actions, motivations or morality from Sam vs Dean.
Sam, when speaking about John's behavior towards them, or to John directly, is angry, defiant and a brat.
Dean, when standing up to John at the end of season 1, or calling out the wrongness of John's orders in season 2, he is brave, standing up for himself and protecting Sam.
Sam (over)killing Jake, or acting "cold" (like the other hunters), is a sign of evilness and darkness in Sam. It's a sign something is Wrong, something non-human taking over, something that must be stopped because it's not Sammy.
Dean doing the same (outside of MoC arc), being out-of-proportion violent, impulsive and mean, "when is decapitation not my thing?" is either Dean doing The Job or it's Dean just dealing with his feelings and should (and is) met with sympathy.
Sam's "good" traits, like consistent empathy and kindness, are a perfomance. He's just pretending. "Puppy dog eyes"? A mask. On the other hand, his justified anger in response to mistreatment, the moments where he is violent (like other hunters), or outwardly acts like John (even with completely different motivations), must be his true self and him "unfiltered". The real Sam holds an inherent evil in him and in these moments he is showing his true colors.
Dean's "good" traits are real. His "bad" traits, like his violence, his anger, his objectification of women, him acting like a direct copy of John at times and legitimately upholding John's ideals/rules, are 100% a perfomance. It's not really him, it's the trauma that makes him perform, because the real Dean is good and kind and misunderstood.
Sam being "rough" in bed (one of these examples being Sam being raped but viewed as "kinky sex" by the audience, and another being him while soulless) is proof that he is violent. Sam is a monsterfucker and Sam is a slut. Oh, and his dick kills women, which is super funny.
Dean's race fetish, Dean's porn habits, Dean's inappropriate comments about and directly to women, don't mean anything. He's just performing, because in reality Dean is a good lover and treats women right. Or, scratch that, Dean is doing it to hide his bisexuality, it's just shame, he doesn't actually believe all that! The poor fella.
Sam, when working with Ruby –who manipulated & groomed him, and who worked for the people that groomed Sam since before he was born–: not only the audience says he put a demon above Dean, that he was selfish/stupid or that it was a sign that he really must've had evil inside. But also Dean, who knew Sam worked with Ruby because he a) was trying to avenge Dean's death, and b) wanted to use his demon blood/powers for good and to take back his own autonomy/story, and c) himself pointed out and recognized that Ruby was manipulating Sam, still judged Sam for putting a demon above Dean and being selfish/stupid/a traitor and used it against Sam and to imply Sam becoming a monster/losing his humanity (=goodness).
Dean, when working with Crowley, the show framed it as a fun bromance, the audience viewed it as a fun bromance, and Sam was angry at Crowley, not at Dean.
Sam was a junkie, selfish, evil and a monster for drinking demon blood (/being manipulated into drinking demon blood after being non-consensually injected with it as a baby), despite killing less people during that time than they did using the demon blade or during any other arc. (Dean is the one that tells Sam to use the knife instead, because killing others is better than Sam becoming non-human/non-Sammy). Despite Sam's personality and feelings and motivations and goals of wanting to be “good” not changing during that time. Dean punished and blamed Sam for it through season 4 and 5, and it changed their dynamic forever.
But Dean, who refused to listen to Cain when Cain tried to let him know about the consequences of the Mark/addiction to the blade, was not only badass and cool, but he also was pitied and the audience as well as other characters felt for his struggle. The audience constantly talks about how it was all because of the pain he was feeling from Sam's selfish betrayal (setting a boundary and telling Dean he wouldn't violate, and wouldn't let a stranger violate Dean physically & psychologically against his will for months). Dean's situation was tragic, while Sam in his own situation was evil/bad. (And most importantly, Sam was there for Dean and tried to help him through it all, and kept believing in him to the end. He didn't give Dean an ultimatum or conditions in order to keep/earn Sam's love and acceptance of him. Dean did the opposite.)
Sam was solely blamed for the Apocalypse, for “freeing Lucifer”, but both Sam and Dean were equally manipulated into breaking the first and the last seal. Both of these seals were required to free Lucifer and to start the Apocalypse. Dean breaking the first seal is mentioned a single time in season 5, and then it's just Sam being blamed for the rest of it again. Charlie (the show) thanks Dean for saving the world in front of Sam, while only reminding Sam about the loss of the women he loved and liked as if it's a joke.
(Which also reminds of Castiel saying in season 13 “WE let Lucifer out of the Cage, and he never stopped being OUR responsibility” after Sam had repeatedly said “NO” to Lucifer in season 11 in order to keep him locked up. Castiel let Lucifer out ALONE, and he lied to them about it, and he went after Sam and Dean's backs about it, and yet, somehow, Sam still gets blame for it? The one person who said NO, repeatedly? And Castiel comparing his possession by Lucifer, that he spent watching TV in his head, and that he actively said Yes to out of his own will, to the decades of torture and violation and trauma Sam went through with Lucifer. The trauma that was so bad that everyone expected Sam to die from the memories (that CAS made him remember in the first place)).
Sam was blamed for “not looking for Dean” (who he watched literally explode + Crowley would've been more smug about it if Dean had gone to hell and last time Dean died he went to heaven + Sam was completely alone and had just spent months dealing with Hallucifer and the fresh trauma of the cage and soullessness + the weapon having a "kick" would imply "it kills both of you" and not "it kills one person and sends the other one to Purgatory" + Kevin already translated everything there was to know about the weapon as well). He was called selfish and a traitor for it.
But when Dean refused to look for Mary in season 13 (who went through the rift ALIVE, with Lucifer who let Sam and Dean live all that time, and with them having Jack to help them find her, and with Sam by his side), when he told Sam there was No Point in looking for her, because she was Dead Anyway, nobody said anything. "That's a completely different situation."
Sam was judged for trying to survive, for living with Amelia and Riot and finding hope in them, both by the show and the audience. He was selfish for it, and weak, and giving up. He was judged for Stanford as well, for abandoning Dean.
Dean living with Lisa is looked at with sympathy (sympathy for Dean, at least), by characters in the show, the writing, as well as by the audience. People were happy for his short time of normalcy. He was portrayed as the domestic Family Man who deserved a normal life after his life of struggle and hardship.
Bobby judged Sam for Amelia and "the non-agreement", but supported Dean with Lisa & Ben, and didn't like that Dean still tried to look for Sam, because Dean deserved to move on. Bobby knew Sam was alive, but he also knew something was off about Sam, and he knew Sam was hunting and not "safe", but he saw it as Fine anyway, because at least Dean is safe & happy. He even tells Dean directly "hunting means getting your guts ripped out at 30", that he didn't want that for Dean, but Bobby didn't say the same thing about/to Sam who was hunting and acting differently during the same time. If Dean being happy & safe means Sam getting his guts ripped out at 30, that's a compromise Bobby is willing to take.
Dean blamed Sam for not taking care of Kevin, of abandoning him when he needed Sam, telling him "Kevin was our responsibility".
In the very same episode, Dean scolds a grieving Kevin who just watched his girlfriend brutally murdered in front of him, telling him it's all part of the job. In the same season, Dean sees Kevin barely hanging on, mentally and physically, and instead of telling him to take a break, he gets him drugs/pills to keep him awake so he can keep working. He tells Kevin his mom is definitely dead, that there's no point in looking, because Kevin's usefulness is more important than Kevin's happiness and family. Kevin, who asks Dean to please not lie to him again, because it's gonna get Kevin hurt again, lies to Kevin and then immediately after Kevin gets killed because of that lie/omission of knowledge.
Dean gets to give an apology speech to Kevin for his death, but Sam is not allowed to apologize to Charlie because "you got her killed", despite Charlie having chosen to leave on her own, while knowing herself that she had a target on her back because of the book. The book that she offered to look for, with both Sam and Dean's knowledge.
Dean killing Amy –going out of his way to follow her after she left to live a "normal" life with her son that she was trying to protect and keep alive– was Dean killing a monster, it was Dean rightfully suspicious of crazy & delusional Sam's feelings/interpretations of Amy, the woman who saved Sam's life.
Sam killing Emma –who was like one feet away from Dean and about to kill him and met him 10 minutes ago– was jealousy and revenge.
Sam and Amelia was betraying Dean.
Dean and Benny was Dean finding a true friend, and defending and being loyal to that friend.
People want Sam to be “angry” and “defiant” again like he was in the early seasons, and complain about older Sam being too beaten down, but when late seasons Sam DOES stand up for himself or tries to argue, like in season 9 about Gadreel, or telling Dean off in early season 8, he is judged again. He's suddenly dramatic and selfish and whiny or ungrateful. He's being an infant.
Sam was the one who protected and fought for Jack while Dean kept trying to kill him. Sam was the one who convinced Dean to give Jack a chance. He's barely recognized for it. But Dean took Jack driving & fishing for a single day and suddenly Castiel says to Dean “you did more for [Jack] than any of us”. Dean would not have been able to be in the position to do anything for Jack, if Sam had not kept Jack close to them in the first place.
When Sam tries to save Dean from his deal in season 3 by using his powers, Dean tells him no. And when Sam tries to make a deal to bring back Dean in season 4, and when Dean is back and thinks Sam was successful in making the deal, he yells at Sam for it, tells him he shouldn't have. Sam tries everything to avenge Dean's death and clearly does not move on, and he gets punished for it. He follows the agreement about moving on in season 8, and it's also wrong, because it's a non-agreement and it's betrayal.
Dean is angry at Sam for voicing a boundary after Gadreel, interpreting it as "Sam wouldn't do everything possible to save me" (not what Sam meant). Dean mocks him for it. But Dean is also angry at Sam when Sam does everything possible to save Dean in S10, and despite Sam having told him multiple times that he wouldn't give up actively looking for a cure.
It doesn't matter what Sam does, it's wrong, it's selfish and stupid, it's ungrateful. It shows there's darkness in Sam. He's just masking himself with the good-guy act.
It doesn't matter what Dean does, his intentions were good and his circumstances tragic, and that's what matters. He is misunderstood and deserves sympathy.
"Since when do you read" isn't spn authorial voice saying Dean is stupid and can't read. That's a clear instance of Sam either purposefully trolling Dean, or Sam's own set misconceptions about Dean, and so he's surprised Dean reads Huffington Post...because Sam has an idea about Dean in his head and when he comes up against proof he's wrong, he seems surprised, no matter how many times it happens. I think this was purposeful, and something that happened across showrunners. Sam and Dean's brotherhood isn't a perfect relationship. They bicker, they argue, they sometimes fight bitterly, they see the world in different ways, they don't always get each other, or they have their perceptions of each other. But Sam does seem particularly stuck in his idea that Dean doesn't read much.
Maybe the facade Dean constructed for himself when they were kids got lodged in Sam's brain, but with all the time they spend together as adults, with Dean repeatedly showing he's not what Sam perceives, the fact that Sam can't seem to let go of that perception is interesting.
meanwhile sam is sooooo good at masking until dean is in trouble and his empathy disorder reveals itself
i love a man who makes the active choice to do good and be kind because it doesn't come natural to him. and then when his mask drops and you realize how hard he is trying every minute of every day
for someone who was tagged as "unclean", Sam Winchester had the purest of souls which is why he was Lucifer's vessel. You think Lucifer would wear just about anyone? No, it had to be Sam. Only the corruption of a pure soul would bring Lucifer victory. Sam was in fact the righteous man. It wasn't Dean. It was never Dean. Dean was a good soldier. He followed ordered, got the job done, as long as means justified the end. Sam, was the true righteous man. He always put the well being of humankind. And they destroyed him for that..
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Who is your favorite Supernatural character, and what is your favorite motif or symbolism regarding them? This could be something the show gave them or not. For instance, mine is Dean, and a guard/attack dog
hi, love!!
ooh that's a good question! i LOVE dean as an attack/guard dog. oh it's delicious every time!!
personally, i've always been a bit partial to dean (since i first watched the show in 2012), but i've recently starting watching supernatural with some Normal friends (their first time), and had to join dean as the co-president of the defend sammy club. i'm in the trenches daily. i think i'm a bibro with dean tendencies...unsure...i don't think i can forsake my deangirl roots...
butttt that being said, i'm a huge fan of "dean-as-the-narrative-heart," especially when contrasted with "sam-as-the-narrative-soul."
and dean-as-the-narrative-heart is...kind of a bad thing, sometimes. which i ADORE!!!!
despite the fact and almost because supernatural is sam's story (we start and end with only sam, i could talk about this forever, let's just say i'm right for the sake of argument and move on), the audience is kind of set up to like dean more because--in my opinion--sam is the POV character, and he likes dean more.
the story stops moving when dean is gone. when dean dies (briefly) in s1, we stay with dean. when sam dies in s2, we stay with dean. when dean dies in s3, we stay with dean. when sam dies in s5, we stay with dean. when dean 'dies' in s8, we stay with dean.
the narrative doesn't go forward without dean, because spn is about sam. dean is sam's narrative heart.
dean keeps sam tethered in the physical, while sam keeps dean tethered in the metaphysical.
dean gets sam to not kill YED by appealing to sam's love for his father, and is willing to completely forsake his lifelong mission for sam's safety. he tells sam to make him "stone number one," and keeps him focused on the physical world instead of in sam's head.
and side note, sam loses a lot of physical considerations (like pain, safety, basic living) when dean is gone (e.g., doesn't even wince sewing up a bullet wound in mystery spot, doesn't sleep when dean is a demon (he looks haggard as FUCK, love him for that), and obviously starts chugging blood).
sam is a lot more spiritual than dean, and believes in angels, prays, and stresses about the state of his immortal soul a lot through the series. sam keeps dean tethered to morality & the more-than-physical through constantly tempering dean's violence/beligerence/bellicosity. outside of that, he tries to get dean to be open and emotionally vulnerable with him (e.g., after hell, about cassie, about lisa & ben). and, memorably, tells dean to "start being [his] brother again," which pulls dean back into literal soul-mate position as sam's brother.
when either of them is gone, the balance upends. sam loses his heart (becomes colder, more focused), and dean loses his soul (becomes listless, self-destructive). very fun!
but let's talk just dean for a second:
billie always tries to kill dean by stopping his heart. his first death is a heart attack. dean's greatest strength (AND weakness) is his heart--his love and loyalty to those around him.
he becomes stubborn and mean and violent because of this love--hence why dean as the heart is sometimes bad--but that's kinda the core motivation of all of his actions (e.g., selling his soul, leaving sonny's, defending john), even his bad ones (e.g., telling sam that his treatment at john's hands was his fault, gadreel, etc). even hitting/abusing ben (we can all agree is pretty inexcusable & straight-up awful) is because he wants him to be safe. he loves that kid. but he says that he felt like john, when he was drunk, and paranoid, and yelling at him.
dean is the glue holding his family together in s1. this amazing post by samdeanjohn made me bite straight through a piece of wood, and captures a lot of this.
dean is a lot of secondary characters' favourite between sam & dean in canon. charlie, cas (at first), crowley (kinda?) & bobby both prefer dean to sam. of the top of my dome, a lot of characters like rowena & missouri, as we can agree are pretty damn metaphysical, prefer sam. more on sam later.
and both on a metaphorical and textual level, dean is all about blood.
dean is furious with samuel in 6.10 for not "putting blood first." his relationship with his dad is kind of catastrophic--"he's going to taste the iron in your blood" being one of the most diabolical azazel lines when he's wearing john. (that doesn't support my statement of dean-as-heart, but makes me shiver every time).
when dean goes astray, he always has to be won back through blood. when he went to hell, sam started drinking it, cas spilled it. when he became a demon, he could only be restored through blood. in order to get dean back in "mystery spot," sam has to bleed a human completely dry.
blood is dean's downfall, and his "descent" is always marked with blood (e.g., getting bloodthirsty and decaptiating vamps after john's death, torturing alistair in s4, killing hundreds of monsters in purgatory, going on killing sprees with the mark).
hell, even when removing the mark of cain from his arm, the final ingredient is blood. blood from the caster's most beloved person. only through blood can dean be saved.
sam, of course, has a lot to do with blood as well (the demon blood, hello, being "corrupted" in his blood, being the only one to claim the MOL as "(legacy) blood"), but i argue that his main conflict is metaphysical, is his soul.
dean is compared to sam, who always has to be restored through the metaphysical. his soul has to be put back into his body in s6. he beats lucifer with the power of his soul (& love for dean, hello narrative heart!) in the s5 finale. he's saved through the exchange of a soul in s2. even through the trials, it's not his own blood that sam has to spill, but a literal glowing power underneath his skin. he finds peace with (as much as he can) his fear of blood contamination through metaphorical, soul cleanliness. being a good person. the light shining on galahad's face. "burning him clean."
sam's 'failures' are failures of the soul. he has "soul" trauma after the pit, and his moral failings are seen as a sign of his failure instead of his bloodthirsty-ness (lol) or viciousness. his soulmate-heaven with dean is being free from dean (yes, i agree this was probably a heaven manipulation, but sam is narratively framed as being in the wrong for this regardless).
in gadreel's case, dean valued blood over sam's soul. and this breaks them apart for a season.
ANYWAY! this was way more than you wanted. but thank you so much for this ask!! i had so much fun thinking about it, and absolutely devoured some transcripts searching for specific episodes, lmao.
i hope the rest of your day/evening/morning is lovely! <3
early seasons sam is just that bit spoiled and i think that is just a feat in itself on dean's behalf. he managed to raise a kid in a motel room off of macaroni cheese and second hand clothes but he sacrificed enough that sam still grew to be spoiled and petty. that s1 dynamic where sam has absolutely no clue about any of the shit dean went through is actually so so important because it shows just how stupidly good dean was at putting on a front of normality and protecting his brother. not only has dean been performing his whole life he's been performing parenthood his whole life and it was a success. dean's performances didn't start as self protection they started in the same way a mother performs to their child that everything is okay as the world falls to pieces around them. as s12 says, it's not fair and dean can't do it, but sam's spoiled s1 nature is a sign of how successful dean actually was
nobody really seems to talk about this. the other day, i saw that clip of sam and dean going through the memory of the time sam ran away for the first time in a while, and it made me think. we only see sam with dogs a handful of times in the series, at least owning them, and there’s a reason for that— dogs are a symbol of imperfect happiness for sam winchester.
⚠️there will be MAJOR spoilers in this post⚠️
example 1 - bones
we see bones in the episode when dean and sam are going through some of their best memories. one of sam’s is the time he ran away for two weeks and hid somewhere with a dog he found—bones—and lived off “funions and mr pibb”. people often criticize him for this in favor of dean, because dean tells him that john beat him for losing sam. however, people don’t really seem to mention the backstory for this (probably? not all the details line up, but this is seemingly the first time sam ran away) that we got for this later in the episode with sully.
in the episode, we get flashbacks of one part of sam’s childhood: dean and john were on another hunt and wouldn’t let him come with. he had asked sully, “ever think… about running away?” which sparked a conversation about sam’s future which ended in sam deciding to actually run away and ended with a cut back to present day.
sam had decided to run away because he was tired of feeling unvalued and hated the way he was currently living. he didn’t really hate his family— he was just a kid sick of being alone with no promise of change soon. when he ran away, though, he was still alone. he was just alone without promise of dean and john being home in a few days. he thought it would fix his problems, but it didn’t. he didn’t have the greatest relationship with john, but he did love dean. he didn’t really show it as a kid but dean was the only one who showed him real love, and he needed that. he didn’t have that anymore.
this is the first instance sam is shown owning a dog, and it comes after sam ran away for something he thought would fix his life but ended up not really measuring up in the end. he was ripped back from his little adventure right back into his old life. he couldn’t escape. he was free,
but he didn’t have dean.
example 2 - riot
one of the WORST plot lines on this show. i’ll say that. weird choice for sam. regardless, it stands with the analysis.
we all know how sam hit the dog and went to live with amelia instead of looking for dean. it came from the idea that dean used that one time they had evidently agreed on where if one of them died, the other would live a normal life. personally i don’t think sam would have actually done this at this point in the show, but whatever. dean had lisa and ben, and this was sam’s version. sam’s chance at normalcy. we see bits of his life with amelia develop over multiple episodes, and he was even living with her. amelia made him happy. and they really showed that dog a lot.
the dog lived with them, obviously. the second instance of sam owning a dog. sam was trying to start this new life for himself of being a guy who settles down with someone and lives his life in peace. of course, that didn’t really end up working for him, as he left amelia to go back to hunting.
yet again, we have a dog present during a time sam was trying to escape his problems and start over. sam was starting to get this life for himself that he never really thought he would have, but that he always had as an unattainable dream. he was free,
but he didn’t have dean.
example 3 - miracle
the final instance shown of sam owning a dog. dean had found this one, which, as we’ve seen from the takeaway of the two previous examples, was actually foreshadowing of dean’s death in the final episode.
unfortunately, we all remember how 15x20 starts with sam and dean in a semi-normal life. they’ve beat chuck. they’ve saved the world multiple times, and lost so many people in the process. they finally get some normalcy, while still keeping up the little hunting jobs. and then dean somehow dies on that damn rusty rebar.
immediately proceeding is what i can remember through heavy tears as an extremely sad montage of sam living his life without dean, permanently, with parallels to earlier scenes in the episode. then we get that shot of sam and miracle watching dean’s body burn.
dean had unknowingly found sam a companion before he died. this was what sam had left of his big brother. a dog. he took that dog with him when he left the bunker, and took care of him until the day he died. they had both loved that dog. sam had gotten a taste of a free life— a free life with his brother, unshackled by world-threatening evils. that was then forcibly taken away from him in an instant. he was once again alone. alone with miracle. he was free,
