#saidai

Just a smidge late for Valentine's Day :)

This is Sai and Dai, @dilfosaur's OCs! They're powering up for their ultimate attack I think

Dear diary:

Sorry, it's been some time since I wrote. I've been really busy lately. I barely have time to sleep. Getting a job is the worst idea I ever had however I can't quit now. Last semester at school was horrendous. Not because of what I learned or my friends, it was because of work. Again I don't have time. Since last month I've been feeling like shit, nothing but shit. I know I'm young and I have a lot to live still anywho I feel like I'm drowning, like I'm loosing everything and I don't know what to do. Last year I learned that many people expect a lot from me. Not being able to fulfill those expectations broke me.

About work... God help me. We don't have enough people so I've been working from 8 to 12 hours shifts and it's exhausting. My boss, she asks me to do a lot of things but she doesn't fully understands that I'm tired. She doesn't realize how much I have gave up. But don't get me wrong, she's not a bad person nether selfish or something, she is tired, just like me. It's just a tricky situation.

I have been thinking about leaving school because pressure is getting me. I don't want to because of my friends an some things I could miss but emotionally I'm drained. I can't keep up with it. Also because my mom and her boyfriend well they want me to be the best, they want me to have the best grades, the best at school and I have never been that boy. How am I supposed to be someone that I have never been...

About love, I haven't found it yet. I'll keep trying but I don't think it's close however I can be surprised. You know right know I could really use a boyfriend. I need that emotional support.

Dear diary:

It's been a minute since I talked to you. A lot but still so little has happened. School is going well, it's not incredibly amazing but it's not terrible. Sometimes I find it hard but I'm still holding. I'm glad the friendships I'm making so far really do feel really. This past semester was a little all over the place. The thing is that this is quite out of my comfort zone and I haven't made any real effort to improve however I'll make sure I improve this next semester which is about to start. I have like 3 to 4 weeks left of vacation. That makes me nervous.

In the last few weeks I felt a little bit sad. I like hanging out with friends, be surrounded by people but everyone seems to be busy. So I had to spend time alone. I just wish for now on that I get to spend more time with my friends, meeting new people.

I've also been working. It's fun; I do have now a great relationship with my boss. It's nice to know that she trusts me and relies on me but I'm trying to find or to make myself more work opportunities that are related to my studies.

Nos let's talk about love.

I want to start talking about that old friend. I don't know wether I miss her or having someone like her in my life. I pass her house quite often an everytime I look out the window hopping I see her. Sometimes I think about calling her, maybe sending a text at times but there's something that always stops me from doing it. What stops me is the same thing that made me pushed her away. Basically I'll be the one making the effort, the first move. Anywho I'm still thinking about it. I need assistance with that, maybe even some telling me what to do.

Now about my love life... It's still a mess. So a month ago I felt like I was done searching. Ulises, an ex-colleague from work, texted me. He told me that he was attracted to me. He was interested in having sex with me and maybe seeing what could've happened next. Everything was ok. I didn't have much expectations but still I was exited. He is sweet and handsome too so you know my lonely hart was happy. But after a couple of weeks of taking he disappeared. I knew he blocked me but I was a fool. I tried to convince my self that was not the case but short long story, he did, he blocked me.

Now there's Lalo, which I don't see as a potential boyfriend. I don't know if he's ready to date a guy and as much hints I drop he hasn't get any or maybe he's not interested.

I've been seeing a lot of things lately. Many clues as to what is coming towards me. I'm not sure if that's true but I'm still hoping for the best. I haven't lost any hope.

Honestly I don't know why no one has ever been in love with me. Not even like a physical attraction from what I know. Sometimes it's lonely. It's fun to go out by myself even with friends but I always imagine what it would be like to have a boyfriend, a significant other. I just pray for the day, that it's getting close and that it will be beautiful. Also I pray that I won't get sick of it.

I think that's it, I'm a little bit sleepy so I'm going to get some rest.

Dear diary:

Hi,

I'll be back at school today. I'm nervous but really excited. I'm really looking forward to get to meet all of my classmates a little bit more but also to spend more time with my friends. About my professors I want to meet the all. Hopefully they'll be cool.

I quit my job last Tuesday because of school; also cuz I'm tired. I don't know how long it will take me to get a new one.

Also, I will find love this year. I will get a boyfriend this year. I don't know where I'll meet this boy (hopefully at school) however I know he's going to be my prince charming. The men of my dreams.

Today we will out to get dinner or something cuz it's my brother's birthday and tomorrow we will go out again but this time it will be with my dad.

I don't know if I told you but I got COVID a couple of weeks ago, that was a very joyful time, it gave me time to relax and to think about my job. I took the decision to quit during that time.

Dear diary:

Hi, now it's been quite some time. Sorry I was missing. I don't know where to start...

Holy cow, I just read what I wrote last time; it goes back to October. So... So much happened. Let's start with school. I can say that I have friends. We have hangout a lot since we met. I learned so much things. Now it's almost impossible for me not to think about them whenever I'm out. It's cute. They are a really good group of girls. I'm still considering staying in my current group or moving to theirs. I'm really excited for this next semester. About my teachers, they were awesome specially my Visual Arts teacher. She was amazing. I did cry on our last class. Hopefully I'll meet her soon. I did made some goodies (art pieces) that I'm really proud of.

Talking about it, I'm taking classes with Mayumi again. It's been interesting, specially because I was able to show her the things I did for school. I'll show you later the things I did.

My grades weren't as good as I wanted them to be anywho I'll be pushing myself further to achieve my goals and make a better an bigger impression.

Changing the subject, in terms of my personal life again, I did some friends not just at school but also at work (I guess). Everyone is cool. Dany and I, we have hangout way much more also Mon and me.

The connection Mon and I have made it's really special. She went through a lot in the last months of last year however I'm happy I was there to help her. We have thought about having a place of our own, as roommates of course but first we have to find a good job.

My last birthday was amazing. I spent the entire day with my cousins. We ate pizza, they bought me a cake and we get to chat about many things a actually. The few birthday presents I received were, so far, some of the best ones I've ever had.

Now, about my current job; it's good nothing impressive or new. Just like the last time I am getting tired. I'll try to hold onto it for a couple of weeks and as soon as I hit school I'll leave. I'll give myself some time before getting a new job.

Last Friday I found out about the past of my father's family and I was living. I'll attach one photo at the end.

In conclusion this year was great actually. I grew a lot emotionally and mentally. I didn't miss anything. I lack a boyfriend but even with that it was an amazing year. My expectations for this one are ginormous. I have a feeling about my love life and it's a good one same with school and friends.

I'm also pushing myself to read more.

I think that's it. I'll write more frequently. Love you, bye.

Tuesday October 5 2021, 5:01 AM, Mexico city.

Dear diary:

Hi. How are you? I'm doing good.

School is keeping me busy. I'm happy. Last week I finally met my classmates. I spoke with a few of them and they were cool. I kinda know who I'll be friends with. I really need to step up my game cuz I know I can do better in school. This weekend I'll hang out with girls from school; we will be teaching each other things we know. I'll be teaching them about makeup. I'm super excited.

My classmates want to do something for Halloween and we might travel to Pachuca because one of them lives there. That could be a incredible experience.

In other news, I'm taking classes with Mayumi again. It's been fun. I haven't taken it as serious as I should however I'm going to, starting today.

Slowly but surely I getting back on track. I have tons of plans.

A friend of my mother is staying with us and I can't keep doing it. I need my space. Anywho it's complicated so...

I'm still looking forward to find my boyfriend, the love that I truly desire. I've been watching lots of romantic and cheesy movies, you can guess how I've felt. I don't know but I think I'm getting closer, finally. I'll keep searching.

I want to go out on a date, like a date with myself. I just need to plan it. I might go to the museum. There is a cool exposition right now.

My mom might get her money this week which means we could be moving soon. I'm happy about that. But let's see. Also let's hope and pray it's true.

Back with the boyfriend stuff, I really want it to happen. Today I saw "Love and other drugs" and there is this scene where Jake Gyllenhaal told Anne Hathaway that he loves her, he is so nervous and afraid cuz he has never said that before, he is so vulnerable. That made me giggle, I kinda understood how is it, to fall in love, to love someone. I swear I'm ready. I want a relationship for the good reasons. I know I'm getting closer.

In general, I might move, get a boyfriend and make some good friends very soon. How lucky I am, right?

See you soon, I promise. I know I always say so but I will.

PS. I keep writing very late, I'm tired.

Dear diary

It's been a minute, sorry. So I'm in university now, how crazy that is?! School is great, I'm the only boy, that ok. I've been reading a lot and I'm trying to keep up with my classes and homework. I love my professors too. I quit my job. A lot has happened really. So I quit because it was too much for me to handle and adding school to that, no ma'am. I'll be missing having an income, it was a little something but still. I did save a little bit of money for a couple of things I want to buy like shoes, books and plants. I'm still looking for a boyfriend. I think I'm getting closer. I mean, love is in the air; some of my friends have gotten new boyfriends or they are on their way to get some so I'm hoping for the best for everyone. I had sex for the first time. Well actually I did it twice. The first one was ok, it felt weird but it wasn't bad, however the second one was awful and it was with the same guy. He was having the time of his life but not me. Hopefully my future boyfriend will have more experience; so I'll keep waiting for him. My expectations are way too high, I'm not fully expecting a specific look, we'll sort of, I'm expecting quite an specific behavior and a attitude. I might list very soon my green flags.

in other news I might have a new dog. I've been feeling like it's time for me to have a new dog, I don't know why I just feel like. I was expecting my mom not liking that idea and for that reason not allowing it however she said yes. She even suggest it.

Yesterday I eat lunch with Danny. I was fun. I told her all of this, it was weird telling her about my first time.

I have a lot of homework. I going to try and have everything done before Friday so I can have my entire weekend free. I want to watch some movies, i even bought a lot of snacks.