#sahrac

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“The discovery of large gas planets within the inner regions of other solar systems has prompted a whole new set of questions. If these giant planets formed beyond the ice line, then migrated inward, could Jupiter have followed a similar path?” 

Having just begun to doze off, Danny snaps his attention back to the glowing screen before him, dragging his hand down his face to further wake himself. “To test this idea, scientists used a supercomputer to reproduce the early evolution of our solar system.” How much did I miss-? I remember a good 10 or 15 minutes of the beginning, and none of this makes sense, so I must be almost finished, right? 

Danny pauses the documentary, and his mouth falls open as he can do nothing but stare at the time stamp with glassy eyes. 22 fucking minutes?? Out of 45?  Quickly clicking away from the film, Danny makes a mental note to finish it the next morning, only hoping that the daylight would help him sit through the rest of it without falling asleep. Checking the time, he begins scrolling the top-rated movies, knowing that his sleepiness had only been caused by the film.  

It was stupid that he was even trying to watch it, really. Sam had mentioned that he found it “extremely interesting” in conversation, and when Danny replied that he’d have to check it out sometime, the other man's entire face had lit up. Danny found it adorable how enthusiastic his boyfriend was when talking about nerdy space stuff, but with their relationship still in its honeymoon phase, he hadn’t considered that he was a different type of space nerd than Sam.   

Sure, he could sit through a Star Wars marathon—the prequels, Solo, Rogue One, the originals, AND the sequels (strictly in that order)—like it was nothing. But 45 minutes of some proper British dude talking about Jupiter? Count him out.

Feeling his phone vibrate against the couch’s worn upholstery, Danny checks it to find a singular text from Austin. “You home?” 

“Yeah, what’s up?” Quickly typing out his response and sending it, Danny watches the three little dots at the top, left side of his keyboard disappear and reappear, and his worry only grows with each passing second. After two minutes of waiting, Danny finally sends another message, his heart hammering against his ribcage in fearful anticipation. “You ok?” 

The dots vanish. When they finally pop back up, they’re only there for a second before his words come through. “Can I come in?”  

Danny shoots out of his seat, nearly tripping over the rug in his small living room as he scrambles to the door, not bothering to put on shoes as he rushes out into the hallway with his keys in hand. Austin only ever showed up like this when he got into arguments with his family or his current boyfriend, Tobi. But every other time, he had always given more warning before heading over. And he had never asked this late.  

Flying down the stairs, Danny can’t get to the building door fast enough, especially when he sees Austin shivering in the rain through the glass. Thankfully, he remembers to slow down just before he makes contact with it, but he still nearly slams it open, desperate to get the other man inside as soon as he could. “What happened?” The words barely leave his lips before Danny all but drags Austin into the building, already ushering him towards the stairs and back to his apartment. 

“Tobi.”  

He's been screaming, I can hear it in his voice. At least he doesn’t look hurt. Swear to god, if that asshole hit him- Danny says nothing more as he takes the lead, thankful that even though there weren’t any elevators, he only lived on the second floor. It isn’t until he locks the door securely behind them, watching Austin kick his shoes off as he takes a deep breath before Danny speaks again. “Wine? Something stronger?” 

Even in the low light of the entryway, Danny can see just how bloodshot Austin’s eyes were as he looks up at the question, how the skin around it was raw and red like he had been crying for hours. “Somethin’ stronger.” 

“Any preferences?” 

“Got any whiskey?” His voice is tired, broken as they move to the kitchen, and he leans against the counter as Danny searches through the alcohol cabinet for the right bottle.  

“Honey Jack Daniels. That work?” 

“I could kiss ya.” Though his tone was still thick with exhaustion, a smile breaks onto his features as he wipes away the remaining raindrops dotting his face. “And I- I hate to ask this of ya, ‘specially on such short notice but I- can I crash on your couch tonight? And maybe borrow a pair of sweatpants an’ a t-shirt?” 

“Course you can, you’re always welcome here. But you are not sleeping on the couch, do you know how old it is? That thing lived in the Kiszka’s garage until we all moved away and I got stuck with it. I have a queen and usually stick to one side, we can just share my bed if you’re comfortable.”  

For a moment, Danny fears that the other would burst into tears as he blinks up at him through heavy lids, his voice cracking when he speaks. “I am, thank you. Again, I’m sorry to intrude or ruin any’a your plans for the night.” 

“Believe me, you’re not ruining anything.” Laughing the words out, Danny turns to grab two glasses, setting them on the counter next to the bottle. “Before you texted, I was falling asleep to some documentary about Jupiter that Sam recommended. It's no intrusion, promise.” 

“Alright...” 

“Want yours on the rocks? I have those fancy sphere ice molds we can use.” Pausing as he opens the freezer, Danny does a once-over of Austin, all the way from his downcast stare hidden beneath dripping curls to the soaked edges of his jeans. “Why don’t you go change into something dry while I get the drinks. Then we can talk about what happened, yeah?” 

“Yeah. And uh- yeah, rocks. Rocks is good. Can you make it a double, please?” 

“Mhm. Sweats are in the dresser’s bottom drawer, t-shirts are in the closet. Should be a few towels under the bathroom sink if you need any and there’s a clothesline in the shower if you want to let your things dry overnight.” Resuming his previous task, Danny grabs the molds from the freezer, beginning to pick off the small pieces that had formed on the top of the silicone lid. 

“Thank you, Daniel. I can’t- I can’t tell ya how thankful I am to have ya in my life.” 

Though his heart breaks ever so slightly, both at the sentiment and the look of utter defeat written across the other man’s face, Danny offers him a small, but genuine smile. “Back at you. You’re one of my best friends, Austin, my family. Now go get changed before you get hypothermia.”  

Offering him one last smile, Austin turns to make his way through the apartment, finding Danny’s room in no time and closing the door to change. Focusing on getting the ice out, Danny finds himself unable to ignore the ball of anxiety growing in the pit of his stomach that he knew wouldn’t go away until Austin told him everything. The drinks are made in no time as he mutes his racing thoughts, allowing himself to go through the familiar motions mindlessly.  

Just when he sits down drinks in hand, Austin emerges from the room, bundled in a pair of black sweatpants and a shirt that Danny knew was oversized on even his own frame. Quick to join him, Austin plops down on the couch, immediately making himself comfortable as he yanks a blanket off the back of it and draws his knees up to his chest. Offering him his glass, Danny waits as the other man situates himself fully before handing it to him, watching as he takes more than a few large sips before resting it on his knee. 

“Tobi an’ I broke up.” 

“Really??” Thankfully, Danny manages to conceal the excitement from creeping into his tone, and he forces himself to keep the smile from his face as he twists his expression into one of surprise and concern.  

“Yup. Kicked ‘im out, too. Told ‘im he better be gone by the time I get back t’morrow mornin’. Gave ‘im the night to pack.” 

“Holy shit-” Thank fucking GOD. I thought he’d never escape that relationship unless Tobi broke up with him. “What happened?” Danny’s words are quiet, gentle as he recognizes he could be treading on thin ice. 

Austin takes a deep breath, sipping his drink once more as he looks down at the threadbare fabric beneath them. “Caught ‘im cheatin’ on me with some boy that’s barely legal. The fucker left their messages open on the table when he went to the bathroom, like he-” His voice cuts out, and he brings the edge of the cool glass to his lips, swallowing hard before continuing with watery words. “Like he wanted me to see it.” 

Danny’s jaw clenches as rage begins to rapidly grow within him, finding himself grasping at every curse he could use towards the man. “And that ain’t even the worst part. Worst part is, I found texts to 'im where- where he said that I meant nothin’ to ‘im. That he was only with me ‘cause I was lettin’ ‘im live with me. Planned to dump me the second he saved enough to get his own place an’ then they could- they could finally be together.” 

“Austin, I-” His words escape him, and he’s quick to redirect his anger, knowing that it wouldn’t be helpful for either of them. Closing the distance between them as the first of the other man’s tears fall, Danny wraps an arm around him, pulling Austin against his side. “I’m so sorry. He doesn’t deserve you, never did.” 

“It’s my own damn fault.” Austin shakes his head, roughly wiping the tears from his cheeks and sniffling as he avoids Danny’s eye. “I was so stupid lettin’ ‘im into my life so fast, lettin’ ‘im move in with me ‘cause he ain't got nowhere else'tuh go.” 

“He took advantage of your kindness, you can’t blame yourself for that.”  

“I can if it’suh pattern.” Anger flashes behind his eyes when he finally rips his gaze up to meet Danny’s, burning with self-hatred and regret as another wave of tears pours down his cheeks. “I put myself in these relationships knowin’ full well that the guy’s scum on God’s fuckin’ green Earth! I always know the endin’, but I dive right in’tuh a relationship anyway. Why do I do this to myself, Daniel?” 

Taking a deep breath, Danny exhales it through his nose as he fights the urge to look away, his nerves turning his stomach upside down. “Do you want me to be honest?” 

“Please.” 

Though Austin had asked for the truth, Danny hesitates, worried about how the other man would take it in the state he was in. “It- it hurts, it really fucking hurts when you find out that the ‘nice’ guy you’re with is actually a piece of shit. Just having to accept that it was all an act to get you to trust him before- before showing his true colors. I think you’re scared of having to go through that. Of being blindsided just when you thought you were safe. You can’t be blindsided if you already knew they were a bad guy going into the relationship.” 

Danny stops, watching the other man for any reaction, for any anger at his words. But Austin only blinks the water from his lashes, looking over at Danny with wide eyes as the gears turn within his head. “And I think- I think that you’re scared to truly open yourself up to a partner, to trust them like that. With shit guys, you don’t have to worry about that because they just don’t- they don’t care about the relationship, about- about you, enough to ask or- or make themselves available for those conversations. Y'know?” 

Taking a deep breath, Austin’s eyes find the screensaver now occupying Danny’s TV, becoming still as a statue. Danny waits with bated breath for the other shoe to drop, for Austin to say or do anything at all. Just when he’s about to speak up, Austin’s eyes find Danny’s once more, stopping his words in their tracks. “Reckon you’re right.” 

“What?” 

“I said, you’re right. Didn’t have’tuh read me like that but-” A small, sad smile splits his lips, and Danny feels his anxieties shrink knowing that he hadn’t further upset him. “Thank you, Daniel. You- you didn’t hold back, just gave it to me straight, and I ‘preciate that. And congratulations, you just did what my therapist tried ‘n failed to do.” 

“Oh yeah, and what’s that?” 

“Get me to talk ‘bout my feelin’s, the real bad parts of my datin’ life; like actually talk ‘bout it. And figure out what the fuck is wrong with me.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Austin. Sure, there’s a few things you might want to work on for your own wellbeing, but there’s nothing wrong with you. And if you haven’t been actually talking to your therapist, then it’s no wonder why they’ve ‘failed’.” 

“I guess we’ll never know.” For a moment, Austin appears to relax ever so slightly, but as his eyes drop to the rugged edges of his cuticles, tension slowly seeps back into his body. “How do I stop doin’ this?” 

Danny draws in a long breath, exhaling it through his nose sharper than he intended, and he offers the other man a gentle squeeze to his shoulder. “Take a break from dating. Like I said, I think there’s some self-work and reflection that can be done. Which is hard, I know; but the alternative is to keep- to keep hurting yourself with these kinds of relationships. I don’t want you to put yourself through that, Austin.” His voice cracks, and Danny swallows the lump forming in his throat as he feels his eyes sting with tears. “If you want to break this pattern, I’ll be right here beside you along the way.  And when- and when you can see your value, how much you’re truly worth, then we find you a partner who’s gonna show you all the love and care you deserve.” 

“We sure that there’s even men ‘round these parts that fit that description?” Wiping the last of his tears from his cheeks, Austin offers Danny a halfhearted smile. 

“Guarantee it. I’ll help you find one, don’t you worry.” 

“Well thank ya kindly. You’re- you’re one of the good ones. I ain’t ever met a kinder soul than you, Daniel Wagner, and I mean it. Samuel’s lucky to have you.” 

“Thank you, that- that means a lot. And it’s more like I’m lucky to have him. He's one of the good ones too. And so are you, Austin.” 

“Ah!” Dramatically clasping his hand over his heart, Austin goes limp on the cushions beside Danny, his other hand moving up to delicately rest the back against his forehead as his expression twists into one of mostly feigned sorrow. “When is it my turn to fall mad in love!?” 

“Awww, don’t worry, your time will come.” Austin sits up again, shrugging as he glances over at Danny before his eyes dart down to his fingertips, beginning to pick at the rough edges of his cuticles. Offering the other man a gentle nudge, Danny moves his free hand to rest over Austin’s. “Believe me, if Sam hadn’t already set up camp in my heart, you would’ve stolen it right out of my chest when we met.” 

The words cause Austin to snort, and Danny can’t help but grin back at him as he watches the other’s fear slowly slip away, replaced quickly by his exhausted amusement. “Mhm, right. And how long was Samuel in there ‘fore I came along?” 

“...9, 10 years? Give or take.” Feeling his cheeks heat, he gives him a light shove as Austin breaks down into laughter, but Danny can’t fight his smile from returning to his lips. “What can I say, I’m really good at playing the long game.” 

“Should I even be takin’ datin’ advice from a man who waited 10 years to tell ‘is best friend that he loved ‘im?” 

“Yes, yes you should. I’m no expert, but I’ve always found that the best relationships start as friendships. You get to know them without the pressure of a new relationship, get to see who they are before committing like that. Just let yourself feel whatever you feel towards them without any expectations of how you ‘should’ feel or where the relationship will go to overwhelm you.” 

“Yeah, an’ who am I gonna be friends with? I ain’t been in the city that long, an’ you know I ain’t good at meetin’ new people.” 

“We can go to Bradley’s together, just mingle, see if we meet anyone. And I can introduce you to my friends, then you can be friends with them.” 

“Ah yes,” Austin pauses, making eye contact as a mischievous smile twists his lips. “Your three friends, two if you ain’t countin’ Samuel.” 

“Listen, all I’m saying is that Karen and Kelly did a great job at raising them. I think you and Josh would really get along...” 

“I thought you said I should take a break from datin’, an’ now you’re tryna set me up with your boyfriend’s brother?” 

“Am not-” Laughing the words out, Danny shakes his head before meeting the other’s eye. “I’m saying that you should take your dating break, do that self-work while making new friends. Even if they don’t become something more when you’re ready to get back out there, you still have those friendships. Lord knows you could use more of those, and yes, I know that I’m one to talk.” 

For a moment, Danny fears that the other had drifted back into the corners of his mind as Austin stares at the half-melted ice in his drink, abandoned and forgotten on the coffee table at some point of their conversation. “Right, again, Mr. Wagner. Jesus Christ,” Austin drags his hands down his face, letting out a frustrated groan. “Coulda saved myself months of torture if I had just come to you in the first place.” 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, you’re asking for help now, and that’s what matters.” 

“Thanks for bein’ here for me.” 

“Any time. I love you, man.” Offering his shoulder one final squeeze, Danny unwraps his arm from around Austin, straightening himself out as he reaches for his glass and takes a quick sip. “Now, did you wanna talk about anything else, get into anything deeper, or are you good for the night?” 

“Lord knows I’m good. Thanks again for listenin’.” 

“That’s what I’m here for.” Glancing at his phone, Danny grabs the remote, waking the TV from its sleep mode before looking back at the other man. “Well, it’s only 12:15 so we could go to sleep or watch something, I don’t have work tomorrow so I’m good with either.”   

“Can we watch somethin’? Don’t know if I can sleep yet...” 

“Mhm, any ideas?” 

Austin’s eyes grow distant, losing himself within another world as a smile begins to break onto his lips. “Could watch Mary Poppins if you got Disney.” Suddenly snapping back to attention, a blush paints his cheeks as his gaze grows bashful. “Julie Andrews is’uh icon. And I may or may not’a had the fattest fuckin’ crush on Dick Van Dyke startin’ when I was 5 all the way ‘till I was 12.” 

“Oh my god-” Laughing the words out, Danny’s hand moves up to cover the grin that had quickly found his features, just barely avoiding Austin’s swat. 

“Look me in the eyes an’ tell me Bert ain’t cute, at least in the 60’s way. He’s a jack of all trades, fun an’ artistic, an' he’s a gentleman to Mary Poppins. He got the looks, personality, all’a it. Sure, his accent’s a lil’ goofy, but he makes up for it with the rest’a his performance.” 

“Mhm.” Unable to conceal the smile from his face, Danny says nothing more as he queues the movie up, hitting play before grabbing a blanket and making himself comfortable. “Well, I’ll let you know if I agree, it’s been so long since I watched this, I can’t even begin to remember what he looks like.”  

Austin lets out a light laugh as the title sequence begins, his eyes soon locking on the screen when the painted London cityscape fades into view, followed quickly by gentle orchestral music. Though he knew he would soon need to pay attention to the movie, Danny can’t help but hold his gaze on the other man, and the last of his fears melt away as he sees Austin’s spirit's lift. Sure, he looked exhausted, and Danny knew that he was surely still hurting, but everything that happened no longer occupied the front of his mind, and he couldn’t miss the small, content smile that settles onto his lips. I’d call that a win for the night. 

Finding his glass and sipping on his watery whiskey, Danny settles into the couch, feeling Austin’s head come to gently rest on his shoulder as he turns his attention to the screen. With each song, Austin hums along quietly, and Danny can’t help but feel the light tug of sleep on his eyelids within thirty minutes. Talk, that’ll wake me up. “How do you think they did that trick? The whole Mary Poppins reaching into her bag. I mean it’s not like they had modern CGI in 1964, so it had to be an optical-”  

Glancing over at Austin, Danny cuts himself off, finding the other fast asleep against him with his empty glass nestled into the blanket in his lap. With slow, calculated movements, Danny grabs it, trying as hard as he can to not disturb Austin as he places it on the coffee table beside his own. He'll be fine, he needs the sleep anyway.  

Though he knew his back would surely be sore the next day if he fell asleep on the couch, Danny makes no attempt to move, figuring that Austin would wake by the end of the movie and they could stumble to bed half asleep then. Besides, Danny would feel bad leaving Austin, the last thing he wanted was for him to wake up alone in his living room in the middle of the night. Looking back to the TV, Danny allows his body to fully relax, letting his focus be consumed by the technicolor images dancing across his screen. And with each passing minute, he finds himself agreeing more and more with Austin. 

Julie Andrews really was an icon, and as much as he’d hate to eventually admit it to the other man, Bert was kind cute...at least in the 60’s kind of way. 

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Yes, Austin relates to Nauseous by Conan Gray a little too much...