#sae-byeok

The front door slammed shut, rattling the frame with a force that made you jump. Your heart leapt into your throat as you threw down the blanket you’d been curled up under on the couch. The clock on the wall read 1:37 AM. Sae-byeok was late—far later than she’d promised—and now she was home, and clearly not in a good mood.

Her staggered footsteps were heavy, almost echoing in the quiet apartment. She was struggling with her shoes, muttering under her breath as she leaned against the wall for support.

“Sae?” you called hesitantly, stepping into the hallway.

She didn’t respond. Her dark hair hung messily around her face, strands plastered to her forehead as she finally kicked her boots off with a loud thud. The sour scent of alcohol hit you like a wave, mingling with the faint chill of the winter air clinging to her clothes.

“You’ve been drinking,” you said, your voice tighter than you intended.

Sae-byeok scoffed, swaying slightly as she turned to face you. “So what?”

“So what?” you echoed, disbelief threading through your tone. “You said you’d be home hours ago! I’ve been sitting here worried sick, and you’re out getting drunk?”

Her eyes narrowed, the dull haze of alcohol doing little to dull her sharp glare. “I don’t need a babysitter,” she snapped, slurring slightly. “I can take care of myself.”

You folded your arms, trying to ground yourself. “Clearly not if you’re stumbling in at this hour, reeking of soju.”

Her lips curled into a humorless smile. “Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t realize I needed your permission to live my life.”

The venom in her voice stung more than you wanted to admit. “That’s not what this is about, and you know it.”

“Then what is it about, huh?” Sae-byeok demanded, stepping closer. “What? You think I’m some kind of project for you to fix? Some broken little girl who needs saving?”

Your breath hitched, anger flaring in your chest. “Don’t you dare twist this around on me. I care about you, Sae. You don’t get to make me feel guilty for that.”

Her laughter was bitter, a sharp contrast to the quiet vulnerability you were used to seeing in her. “Maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe you’re wasting your time.”

The words hung between you like a challenge, daring you to respond. But instead of backing down, you stepped forward, closing the gap between you until you could see the flicker of doubt in her dark eyes.

“You don’t get to decide how I feel,” you said firmly, your voice trembling only slightly. “And I’m not going to stand here and let you push me away just because you’re scared.”

Her jaw clenched, her gaze darting away from yours for a split second before locking back on you. The tension was unbearable, thick and suffocating, until finally, it snapped.

Before you could react, her lips crashed against yours. It wasn’t gentle or tentative—it was desperate, almost angry, as if she was trying to convey everything she couldn’t say. You stumbled back against the wall, her hands gripping your waist to steady you as she kissed you with a fervor that left you breathless.

The taste of alcohol lingered on her lips, but it was overpowered by the raw emotion pouring out of her. Her hands slid up to cup your face, her fingers trembling slightly against your skin.

“Sae,” you murmured between kisses, trying to catch your breath.

“Shut up,” she muttered against your lips, her voice low and desperate.

Her words sent a shiver down your spine as her hands roamed your sides, pulling you impossibly closer. You tangled your fingers in her hair, tugging slightly to ground yourself in the whirlwind of emotions.

The world around you blurred, the only thing anchoring you was Sae-byeok-her lips, her touch, the heat radiating from her body as she pressed against you. Each kiss was a collision of passion and frustration, her desperation mirrored in the way her hands roamed your body.

You finally pulled away for air, your chest heaving as you looked up at her. Her forehead rested against yours, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. Her eyes, glossy from both alcohol and unspoken emotions, bore into yours.

"Sae," you whispered, brushing a strand of hair from her flushed face "What's going on? This isn't you."

Her breath hitched, and for a second, you saw the cracks in her armor-the vulnerability she worked so hard to hide. "I don't know," she admitted softly, her voice barely audible. "I just... couldn't stop thinking about everything. About you. About...us."

Her words sent a pang through your heart. "Then why didn't you come home? Why did you go out and drink instead of talking to me?"

She closed her eyes, her grip on your waist tightening as if afraid you'd slip away. "Because I'm scared okay?" she said, her voice breaking "Scared of what this means. Scared of losing you."

You cupped her face, forcing her to look at you. "You're not going to lose me, Sae. But you can't keep running away from me when things get hard. I'm here-for all of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But you have to let me in."

Tears welled up in her eyes, and she quickly blinked them away, shaking her head as if trying to pull herself together. "I don't deserve you, she muttered, her voice laced with self-loathing.

"Yes, you do," you said firmly. "You deserve to be loved, Sae. Even when you're scared. Even when you're a mess."

For a long moment, she didn't say anything. Then, without warning, she leaned in and kissed you again-this time slower, softer, as if trying to convey everything she couldn't put into words. Her hands slid up to cradle your face, her thumbs gently brushing your cheeks as she poured her heart into the kiss.

When she finally pulled away, her forehead rested against yours once more. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice trembling. "For being an idiot For shutting you out. For everything."

You smiled softly, brushing your thumb over her cheek. "You're forgiven. But next time, just talk to me, okay? No more shutting me out."

She nodded, her lips curving into the faintest smile. "Okay." She captured your lips in another heated kiss, pushing you onto the couch. "Let me show you how much I appreciate you..." She mumbled into the kiss.

You’re out of breath, limping as blood crusts beneath your fingernails. You’re bruised, bloody, and shaken all because of a 2-year vendetta with your former best friend. Sophomore year, you told her you liked her.

Bad idea.

She never let it go. You lost all your friends because of lies she spread, she’d publicly humiliate you every chance she got, and unfortunately, this isn’t the first time she’s beaten you up either. Tonight, you decided to get a quick snack at the gas station. You ran into her on your way out. She wasn’t alone, though. She had two other scarily muscular guys with her. And those two other scarily muscular guys beat you up while the girl recorded it all on her phone.

Fast forward to the present, you’ve tried two of your friends’ houses to no avail. You sigh heavily, knowing you can’t go home like this; otherwise, your parents would be up your ass until graduation. So the next thing you know, you’re knocking on Kang Sae-byeok’s apartment door. It takes a minute before the door opens, and the cold, blunt Sae-byeok, whom you’ve found yourself in a mutual hatred with, stands in front of you.

“What?” Her voice is low as she speaks, her sharp eyes scanning your injured figure. “What the hell is this?” She asks as if it’s some kind of scheme.

“Can I come in? I promise I’ll only be like, thirty minutes max; I just really need to clean myself up, and none of my friends are home right now.”

She eyes you up again, sighing almost imperceptibly before opening the door slightly, moving to the side to make room for you. “Make it quick.”

You nod, now standing on the doormat and unsure where to go from here.

“Sit in the kitchen. And don’t bleed on anything.” She instructs as she strides over to the cabinets, pulling out a first aid kit and tossing it onto the counter in front of you. You open it and pick up the small brown bottle of peroxide then pour it on a cotton pad. You press it against one of your wounds and hiss quietly as the liquid seeps into it. Your eyes drift up for a second, meeting Sae-byeok’s. Her gaze is unwavering and sharp, piercing through your skull.

“Can you stop staring at me? It’s weird.” You shift uncomfortably in the chair as you stick a Band-Aid to your wound. She doesn’t say a word, just turns away from you, and occupies herself with doing the dishes. The silence stretches on, occasionally broken by small clinks of ceramic or a hiss from between your teeth. You look back up at Sae-byeok for half a second; your eyes linger before returning back to work.

You’ve known Sae-byeok since freshman year. She’s always been guarded, like she can’t tell the difference between trusting someone and handing them a loaded gun that’s aimed at her head. You don’t know much about her other than she defected from North Korea, and she occasionally talks to Ji-yeong.

That’s how you guys officially met. A group project between the three of you in physics. She barely spoke the entire time, and when she did, she was either replying to a question, asking one, or commenting on your shitty time management skills. You tried to ignore it until one afternoon she snapped at you, claiming you need to ‘get it together or you’re going to drag all three of our grades down.’ Being the short-tempered person you are, you shot back. Called her controlling, bossy, a bitch who thought she was smarter than everybody else, and other names you can’t remember. All you know is that she didn’t reply; she simply pushed her chair out and left.

This happened years ago, so naturally you both let it go, but neither of you made up. You’d still occasionally get into arguments about unnecessary things, shoot glances at each other across rooms, and try to outdo each other in subtle ways that you would miss if you weren’t paying attention.

“How’d it happen?” She speaks finally, leaning against the counter, facing you but not looking at you.

“Just ran into some people.” You give her a non-answer answer, knowing the real answer is far too pathetic to admit. She quietly hums in acknowledgment, not pushing for more. After you’ve bandaged yourself up to your liking, you slide the kit across the counter to her. She silently takes it and places it back inside the cabinet.

You stand without a word, brushing yourself off and getting ready to leave just as you promised. As you approach the door, her voice cuts through the air, “If you really need somewhere to stay, you can have the couch.”

You turn around, raising an eyebrow. “Since when have you become so soft?” Your lips twitch but don’t form a full smile. She’s not amused.

“It’s late. Take it or leave it.”

You decide not to push your luck, so you slip your shoes off and make your way over to the couch. You sit down and sling the gray blanket resting on the armrest around your shoulders. You watch her as she scrutinizes you getting settled until she pads across the floor to her room. She pauses in front of her bedroom door. Not for long, but just long enough to wonder if the conversation between you two was truly over. She finally opens her door and disappears behind it, leaving you alone in the dim, lamp-lit living room.

The next morning, you wake to the smell of coffee and fresh air. Sae-byeok is already in the kitchen sipping the hot liquid out of a light purple mug. You sit up slowly and stretch your arms and legs, yawning in the process. Sae-byeok doesn’t try to talk to you, and you don’t try to talk to her. Her phone rings, vibrating on the counter beneath it until she picks it up. You try not to eavesdrop, but you can hear her talking to a man, and she doesn’t sound thrilled at all. It’s the first time you’ve heard her speak more than 5 words, and the first time you’ve ever heard her raise her voice.

The room is tense as you try to ignore the scene, “scrolling” on your phone to pass time. You don’t want to leave without thanking her, but staying seems equally as bad. You glance up at her once. Her face is still unreadable as always, but her knuckles are white around the mug.

After what seems like an eternity, Sae-byeok finally slams her phone down on the counter, sighing heavily. Her sharp eyes dart up to you. She doesn’t speak, but the look on her face says it all. You don’t ask about the call; it’s not your business. Instead, you stand up and head to the door to put your shoes on.

“Thanks. For letting me stay.”

No verbal reply, just a curt nod. Typical Sae-byeok behavior. You give her a weak smile as you twist the doorknob, entering the city streets.

As you walk down the sidewalk, your mind can’t help but wander back to the reserved woman. The way her freckles danced across her face, the scar on the right side of her neck that you’ve always been curious about, and the way her hair fell into place like puzzle pieces. You shake your head, brushing off the thoughts as your pace increases. You won’t be around for much longer anyway, so what’s the point in thinking about it? Besides, the previous night felt like a dream, and all you want is to be in the comfort of your own house.

Weeks pass and everything goes back to normal. You hang out with your small group of friends, your bruises have faded, people stopped asking questions, and you haven’t spoken to Sae-byeok since. But there’s a shift between the two of you. It’s not bold, but it’s just noticeable enough for the two of you to feel it. Her gaze doesn’t pass through you like a ghost anymore. She lingers by your side a moment longer than she should. You two would occasionally exchange glances, her eyes meeting yours but flick away the second you notice. It’s not much, but it has you wondering.

You sit with Ji-yeong and a few of her friends during lunch as she jumps between four different topics in a single sentence. You’re not fully listening; you’re more focused on your food, the clock, and your upcoming classes.

Until she says the word ‘party.’

You snap out of your thoughts, turning to look at her. “Party?”

She nods. “Yeah, the end-of-the-school-year thing. I’ll send you the texts.” She waves her hand dismissively, taking a sip of her drink. You hum, looking back down at your plate as you push around your food. A party. You’ve been to a couple before, and you’ve always ended up leaving halfway through. Too many drunk guys trying to lay hands on you and do stupid shit in general. But you figure you’ll go and show a face while you can.

The sound of the bell echoes off the walls as everyone starts heading to their next class. You take a seat, exhaling deeply as you get out your homework from the night before. The empty chairs fill up, and the teacher walks in, preparing his lesson for the day. Right before the second bell rings, Sae-byeok slams her books down onto the desk beside you and drops into her seat as if she’s exhausted but shows no hint of it on her face. She pulls her homework out of her folder and sets it on the corner of her desk. You can hear her breathing shakily, like she had been running. You look over at her, but she doesn’t look back.

The teacher begins the lesson, calling on random students for last night's homework answers. He calls on Sae-byeok. Your eyes naturally dart to her, listening to her speak. She doesn’t miss a beat and answers in the same cold tone you’ve always known. The teacher gives a small nod before turning to the board to scribble down the answer. Your eyes linger on Sae-byeok before your attention is pulled away by your friend sitting on the other side of you.

“Do you have a pencil?”

You nod and pull a spare pencil out of your pouch and hand it to her, smiling softly. She whispers a small thanks before resuming her work.

Throughout the class period, you keep finding your focus slipping back onto Sae-byeok. You’re not sure why, though. Ever since she helped you all those nights ago, she’s been occupying more space in your head than you’d like to admit. You’re curious. Who was the person on the other line of the phone? Why is she the way that she is? You push it down for now, but you can’t stop the lingering interest that inevitably finds its way to the top of your thoughts.

By the end of the day, you’re walking to the park with your headphones on, hands in your pockets, and your gaze locked on the cracked cement beneath you. The park is your usual after-school spot. It’s one of the only places where you can actually relax and have time to yourself. You throw your backpack onto the sun-baked mulch and sit on one of the dark green swings. You push around the wooden rubble with your shoe, humming along quietly to the song playing in your ears.

The playground is empty; the only person occupying the area is you. You look up, finding hidden images in the clouds as you lightly swing back and forth. The breeze is relaxing, a harsh contrast to your life at the moment, where everything seems to be going wrong. Your eyes flick back down once you notice motion out on the sidewalk. A shadow of a tall girl with short, tousled hair who walks like she has somewhere to be. This time, your head turns completely, curious to see who it is.

A pang of disappointment shoots through you when it’s just a random girl walking her dog. You don’t know why exactly you were disappointed. Maybe, just maybe, you were secretly hoping to see her. The girl who held more secrets than you could fathom. The girl who let you in on that cold March night.

Sae-byeok.

You suddenly realized all the times your eyes landed on her in irrelevant situations. In class you’d stare at the back of her head, you’d briefly lock eyes with her in the hallway while passing by, and you’d find yourself intrigued with her quiet nature but never come to admit it.

Not until now.

You unconsciously grip the chains tighter, averting your eyes so you can think about something else. You can’t afford to fall for someone again. Especially not another girl. Not with everything about to change in the upcoming months. You sigh as you step off the swing, scooping your bag off the ground and around your shoulder.

Hours passed like minutes while you were at the park. The sunset illuminates the streets ahead as you walk back home. Your house is fairly quiet, your mom cooking dinner while your dad presumably works on important paperwork. You tread up the stairs and drop your things off in your bedroom before looping back around and sitting at the dinner table.

“We’re thinking about painting your bedroom before we move.” Your mom says, sparing you a quick glance before spooning food onto your plate and setting it in front of you. You can feel your cheeks go cold at the reminder. In less than a month, you’ll be gone. Completely unknown in a new country.

It’s a bittersweet feeling. You finally get the chance to leave behind all the rumors and hatred, but you’ll never get back the moments with your friends who stuck with you through it all. You’ll never get to spend any more time in your small hideout you found while exploring the woods around your neighborhood. You’ll never get the chance to see what life here could’ve led you to.

You nod, stabbing a piece of broccoli with your fork. “What color?”

“Just white.”

You hum, bringing the fork up to your mouth. You’re sitting at the table, yet something seems so far off. Distant, almost. Like you’re already gone. You’re only broken out of your haze when your dad snaps his fingers in your face.

“Listen to us when we’re speaking to you.”

You mumble a quick ‘sorry’ and listen to his ramble session about how moving can be difficult, but it’s better for all of you in the long run. You almost roll your eyes, but catch yourself before you do. Instead, you mindlessly nod along with an additional hum here to make it more convincing. He says something about ‘more work opportunities with better pay,’ which is ironic considering the reason they moved to Korea in the first place was for work. But that apparently wasn’t all they cared about, as they ended up having you.

Eventually, the topic switches. You told your parents about how your school day went, and your mom is now complaining to your dad about the bell peppers that expired the day after she bought them.

Underneath the table, you discreetly unlock your phone and click on Ji-yeong’s contact. You shoot her a quick text.

‘Hey, can u come over before the party and help me pick an outfit?’

‘yeah ofc i can’

‘Thankss’

‘don’t mention it’

Just then, you hear your mother’s voice cut through the air, “Get off your phone at the dinner table!”

“Sorry.” You finish your glass of water and wipe your mouth with a napkin. “I’m done. Thanks for dinner.” You stand up and push in your chair, walking away from the lingering scent of dinner.

You lie on your bed, taking in all the details of your bedroom. The decorations hanging from the ceiling, the shelves lined with random trinkets, all of it. Time is slipping away faster than you can keep up with, and soon, things will never be the same.

You sigh and roll onto your side, scrolling through your phone. You prop it up against a pillow and play a video to watch to distract yourself. About half an hour into the video, you feel your eyes grow heavy and the audio becomes distant. You don’t fight it. Instead, you let your exhaustion consume you.

You can try and bury your burdens with distractions. It works for a while. Until you come to realize it had been haunting you all along.

There she is, standing directly in front of you. You’re face-to-face with your bare feelings, surrounded by nothing else. You try to speak up, but the words can’t find their way out of your mouth.

Before you know it, you’re reaching out to her, your body moving faster than your mind. You can feel yourself under her scrutiny, but the need to touch her is greater than the fear of repeating history. You can almost feel the heat radiating off her cheek before her hand darts up to your wrist, her grip tight and unwavering.

“Don’t.”

You flinch at her voice, immediately pulling your hand back. You stare at her, but this time her gaze is empty. You open your mouth to speak, desperately wanting to explain yourself. But by the time you come up with an excuse, she’s gone.

You wake to the sun beaming through your curtains. Pulling the blanket over your head, you ponder about the dream that disturbed your slumber. Maybe it was a warning, a sign telling you not to get any closer to Sae-byeok than you’ve already gotten.

So you give in.

No more thinking about her, no more stealing glances at her in the halls, no more searching for her in crowded rooms, because you know that nothing lasts forever. You’d hope that the feeling would soon fade, forgetting the face you’d etched inside the back of your mind so well you could draw it from memory.

So when you walk into school that morning, you make sure to brush past her in the hallway like you had always done. Except this time feels off with a feeling you’ve experienced only a handful of times in your life. A sense of guilt, frustration, and regret mixed together in one big pot. You could only hope it would go away with time.

Classes are the same. Boring, pointless, jotting down sloppy notes between your doodles. You’ve started counting how many tiles line the floor, doing anything to keep your mind off what’s happening in your life.

You raise your hand, deciding to take a break from your thoughts and go to the bathroom. The teacher calls on you, already knowing what you’re about to ask since the only time you participate is when you want to leave the classroom.

He pointed at you with his ruler, then pointed at the board, “After you answer this question.”

You sigh but comply, mumbling the answer. “C.”

“Go to the bathroom.” He waves his ruler towards the door in an exasperated motion

Your chair drags across the floor as you stand up, heading towards the classroom door. You slide it open, stepping out into the empty hall. You hum a song that’s been stuck in your head since this morning until you’re in front of the bathroom.

You step into the cold linoleum room, moving to stand in front of a mirror, which greets you with a tired reflection. You run the faucet and cup your hands under the water, splashing your face with it. You glance at yourself in the mirror, meeting eyes that you don’t quite recognize anymore.

You only look away when you hear a creak from the stall door behind you. In the reflection, you watch Sae-byeok quietly emerge out of the stall. Great. The last person you wanted to see.

She comes up to the sink next to you, washing her hands. Her eyes flick over to you, and she mumbles a quiet ‘Hey.’ Normally, you would reply, maybe even asking how her classes are going. But this time, nothing.

You remain silent, grabbing a paper towel to quickly dry your face off. She glances up at you again, almost like she was going to say something else but changed her mind. You turn your head the other way, knowing if you saw her, it would make you second-guess cutting her off. She shuts off the faucet and dries her hands with a paper towel, tossing it into the trash as she walks away.

On her way out, her eyes meet yours with a familiar coldness that makes your stomach churn. She walks past you like you’re just another stranger. Someone she couldn’t be bothered with if she tried.

You look back at your reflection, pushing down the sinking feeling that followed after Sae-byeok left. A part of you wished she would’ve said something more, so you’d have an excuse to break your promise and talk to her. It would’ve been pointless, though. You were never even friends in the first place.

After another moment of thinking, you shove your hands in your pockets and leave the room. When you’re back in the classroom, the air feels heavier than usual. Like the weight of something—or rather someone—is pulling you down. You slump down in your seat and quickly scribble down the notes that you’ve missed since your trip.

The rest of the day seemed like a blur, like your eyes were windows that you watched your life from rather than lived yourself. You’re walking through the halls with Ji-yeong when she suddenly speaks up.

“What’s going on with you and Sae-byeok?”

Your head snaps up almost instantly. That was the last thing you expected to come out of her mouth.

“What do you mean?”

“She was talking about you, I don’t know. Said you’re ‘being weird.’ I didn’t know you guys were friends.”

“We’re not.” You interject louder than intended. You stutter for a second, trying to find the right words. “I mean… we talk. But it’s nothing serious; it’s just small talk.”

Ji-yeong gives you a knowing look. “You know I’m not that stupid. I see the way you look at her across the lunchroom.”

A pause.

“And you don’t care?”

“About what? You like Sae-byeok?”

“Well, that and just… liking girls in general.”

She shrugs. “Why would I?”

You don’t respond. You don’t even know how. But there’s a newfound understanding in the air between you two on your way out.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night?” She asks you, already walking backwards to her car.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.” You smile softly, watching her walk away before you make your way to your own car.

It’s funny how life works. One minute, you’re arguing with the one person who you despise more than anything, just to get dressed up the next and pray she’ll be at a random house party.

There’s a knock on your bedroom window, and a second later, you hear Ji-yeong’s voice shouting from outside. “Let me in, bitch!”

You sigh and set your mascara tube down on the vanity before flinging the curtains back and sliding open the window. Ji-yeong stumbles in and sits on the edge of your bed, unpacking her tote bag she slugged along with her.

“Okay, so my outfit is in here, and I brought pajamas because I’m obviously going to come back and spend the night here, but my question is what shoes do I wear? I brought heels, but I hate heels, so I brought flats, but they’re boring, so should I just wear my Converse?”

You blink, processing the words that were just shot at you at one hundred thirty miles a second “Um… the Converse are fine.”

“Okay, great, I was thinking the same thing. Now show me your outfit.”

“I was thinking of maybe just a casual top and bell bottoms or something.” You shrug, not taking it too seriously.

“Dude, are you serious? That’s so basic.”

“Well, it’s not like we’re showing up to the Met Gala.”

“Whatever. Finish your makeup.”

You roll your eyes and pick up the forgotten mascara wand off the vanity. Turning to face the mirror, you brush the wand through your lashes. You were never one for parties, but somehow, you'd always find yourself trapped in the middle of the dance floor with Ji-yeong.

“Are you any kind of excited at all?” She asks, now hanging upside down off the edge of your bed.

“No, not really.” You respond, twisting the mascara tube shut and replacing it with lip gloss.

“It’ll be fun.”

You hum, popping your lips after applying the lip gloss. “I’m sure it will be,” you remark sarcastically, standing up. “I’m going to get dressed now.”

You open your closet, digging through it until you find a suitable outfit for the occasion. Ji-yeong being Ji-yeong, she just changes in the middle of your room with no shame in sight. When you step out, Ji-yeong runs her eyes up and down your body in a mock seductive manner.

“Damn girl, I see you!” She remarks, smirking at you.

“Shut up.” You laugh, rolling your eyes. You stand up, gathering your belongings before looking back at Ji-yeong. “I guess we’re going now?”

“Don’t be so eager.” She teases, following you out.

On your way down the stairs, your mom calls out from the living room, “Don’t do anything stupid, or you’re grounded until you’re eighteen.” The same excuse every time, even if it barely holds value anymore.

You roll your eyes, slipping on some shoes. “Yeah, I know! Bye, I’ll be back soon.” You try to hide the slightly fed-up tinge in your voice, but there’s no use.

You hop inside the passenger seat of Ji-yeong’s car while she gets adjusted. You click your seatbelt on and she pulls out of the driveway, cautious of the road ahead of them. She turns on music, and you both sing along.

Fifteen minutes feels like fifteen hours. When you arrive, you can already hear the trashy music muffled from down the driveway. As you step out of the car, a wave of nerves courses through your body. You shake them off as best you can, reminding yourself you won’t have to deal with these much longer.

“You coming or what?” Ji-yeong pipes up, already halfway down the sidewalk.

“Yeah.” You respond, picking up your pace to match hers. Ji-yeong looks at you, almost like she’s reading you. She then slings her arm around your shoulder and speaks to you in her normal laid-back manner.

“Stop worrying so much. We haven’t even stepped inside yet, and you’re already anxious.”

You look up at her with an unamused stare.

“Oh come on, don’t look at me like that. You’re hot, funny, your outfit’s cute, and you’re serving cunt. There’s nothing to be upset about.”

You feel your chest vibrate as soon as you step into the buzzing scene. There are already people everywhere; some are drunk, some are making out on the couch, and some are in line for the only bathroom available. You shoot Ji-yeong another look, but she acts as if she didn’t see it.

“Let’s get drinks.” She interjects suddenly, pulling you into the kitchen by your wrist. You don’t fight it; just follow closely behind. Besides, a drink sounds good right now. She pours a shot of soju for the both of you, picking it up and waiting for you to take yours. Once you do, she smiles and clinks your glasses together. “Cheers!”

The alcohol burns on the way down. But at least it’ll take the thousands of thoughts swirling in your head away for a little while. Ji-yeong pulls you through the people, conversing quickly with those who you could only assume were her friends.

It was uncomfortable, to say the least, just like any other time. Whenever you’d try to sneak away from the crowd, Ji-yeong would yank you by your arm straight back to her side. You barely have any space to breathe, bumping into somebody anytime you move, and it’s starting to give you a headache.

“Ji.” You try to call out for her, but your voice is fighting a losing battle with the music. “Ji-yeong!” You try again, but she still doesn’t hear you and keeps talking with one of her friends. You sigh, coming to the conclusion that it’s no use. Besides, she’ll most likely tell you you’re overthinking anyway. You make your way to the drinks again, pouring yourself another shot and forcing it down with the rest of your thoughts.

You slump down against the wall in the corner of the room, the alcohol making you feel slightly warm. Your vision focuses out as you get lost in your thoughts, the corner where the walls connect starting to blur together. All of a sudden, you become overly aware of the way your clothes fit against your skin.

You grumble, stumbling up to your feet, needing to find an isolated spot to clear your mind. You vaguely remember seeing a balcony on the side of the house when you arrived. Determined to find it, you hike up the stairs, gripping the railing so tight your knuckles whiten.

There’s a long hallway at the top with multiple doors lining the walls. You grab the door handle on the closest door, only for it to rattle with no luck. You didn’t think anything about it until you heard a muffled moan and frustrated groan from inside. Your eyes widen and rush away to another door further down. This time, the door opens and reveals an empty bedroom. You shut the door behind you and sigh a breath of relief, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

You spend a little while getting your thoughts together until your eyes drift up, catching on a sliding door in the corner of the room. You get up off the bed and walk over to the door, your hand hovering over the handle before sliding it open. The air is cool, but it doesn’t feel refreshing; in fact, it feels the opposite. That feeling only intensifies when you step out and see her.

Sae-byeok sits on the floor of the empty balcony, head snapping up to see who’s interrupted her peace.

“What the hell.” Your whispered words come out as a statement more than a question. Sae-byeok is obviously not amused, staring daggers into your soul. “Why are you here?”

She doesn’t answer right away, only shrugs and looks away back to the neighborhood ahead. “Don’t know.”

“I didn’t think you liked parties.”

A long pause.

“I don’t.”

Against your better judgement, you sit next to her. She shoots you a look but doesn’t move away.

“Me neither.” You laugh, but there’s no humor behind it. “I can’t even think right now.” Your words slip off your tongue in a carefree manner, the complete opposite of the words whirling inside your head.

There’s a tension in the air that’s so crisp you could cut it with a knife. You turn your head to look at her when you speak again, even if she never looks back. “Do you hate me?”

After a moment of anticipation, she shakes her head so subtly you question if she even moved at all. “No.”

“You act like it. But you act like you hate everybody.”

She hums quietly, opening her mouth to speak before quickly shutting it.

“The music sucks here.” You remark at an attempt to break the tension, but you find yourself swaying side by side to the beat anyway.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asks bluntly, finally looking at you.

“Um, I think I might be drunk. But only like, a little. Only had like two shots.”

“Not that.”

“Oh. Then what?”

She sighs, visibly annoyed at you. “Never mind.”

“No, tell me.” You insist, not backing down.

“You just make no sense. One day you’re all over me like I’m your best friend, but the next you act like you want nothing to do with me. Make up your mind.”

You pause to process her words. “You think I’m your friend?”

“No. That’s not what I’m saying.” She clips, almost like the words themselves personally offended her. “It’s just annoying, and you’re wasting both of our time.”

You look down, and a pang of hurt thrums through your system after hearing her words. You pause before speaking again. “It’s not going to matter anyway. I’m moving to America in two weeks.”

As much as she tries to hide it, your words catch her attention. A small sound dangerously close to disappointment escapes her lips. You raise an eyebrow, taking the opportunity to mess with her.

“Don’t sound so excited. I still have a while. Kind of.” The silence after is long and awkward, looking at her out of the corner of your eye before standing up and brushing yourself off. “Anyway, I’m going back inside.” Your hand reaches for the door handle until her voice cuts through the air, stopping you in your tracks.

“Wait.”

You turn around, waiting for her to continue.

There's a long stretch of silence before she shakes her head. “Never mind.”

You catch the hesitation in her eyes but brush it off again. “Stop doing that.” You scold, but you don’t move yet, waiting a second longer in case she changes her mind. But to no surprise, she keeps her mouth shut, and you slide the door open, disappearing behind it.

You return back downstairs, and the bright lights remind you exactly why you left in the first place. You scan the room to find Ji-yeong until you catch her eye sitting on the couch. You find your way to her, your chest vibrating as you grow closer to the speakers.

“Where’d you go? I was looking for you.”

“She’s here. Did you know that?” You completely disregard her question, swaying back and forth.

She purses her lips, exhaling through her nose in exasperation. “I didn’t, but you look like you’re about to pass the fuck out, so sit down.”

You grumble something inaudible, plopping down on the ugly mustard yellow couch your grandma could’ve bought at a yard sale. “She said she didn’t hate me.”

“Anything else?” She asks, opening another beer, and it’s hard to tell if she’s unbothered or amused.

“No.. Yes. She told me to stop being confusing and make up my mind. But I told her it wouldn’t matter because I’m moving and probably never going to see her again.”

Her eyes widen and she nearly chokes on her beer, slamming the can down on the wooden side table. “You’re moving? When?” There’s audible disbelief and concern in her voice.

You hesitate for a moment, realizing you haven’t told Ji-yeong yet. You look down at the floor, unable to bear her incredulous expression. “Two weeks…”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?!”

“I didn’t know how to bring it up!” Those are the only words your tipsy mind can come up with right now. Not how saying the words out loud scares you because it only makes the situation more real. Because the moment it comes out, it’s solidified in stone, and it’s only a matter of time before you have to live it out. It’s terrifying.

Ji-yeong runs a frustrated hand through her hair. “We still have things on our bucket list we need to do!”

“I know! But we can, like, figure it out!”

She sighs, leaning closer to give you a side hug, the scent of alcohol radiating off of her. “I’m going to miss you so much, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“I’m sorry.” You lean into her touch, closing your eyes to hold back tears that will inevitably fall anyway.

“Shut up. You better come visit, at least in the summer.”

“I will.”

“That’s not good enough. Promise it to me.”

You look at her with a sad smile, nudging her gently. “Alright, fine. I promise.”

She lets out a satisfied hum, squeezing you one last time before letting you go. “Good.”

Two weeks later..

The night before you move.

You sit on your bed, suitcase and boxes piled in the corner. You stare at the now white walls, the ones that used to be painted light pink and held all your childhood memories. The room that contained every detail from every stage of your life is now packed away, and the house you grew up in is waiting to be forgotten. You don’t notice you’re crying until a tear rolls down your cheek and falls onto the back of your hand. You wipe it off, settling in bed with the lights still on.

Sleep doesn’t come easy. It’s midnight, and the rain pounds against the roof. Perhaps it’s the only thing keeping you grounded at the moment. You’re only knocked out of your thoughts when you hear rustling by your window. You hesitate for a moment, contemplating if it’s just the night’s breeze, if you’re hearing things, or if there’s really something —or rather, someone—there.

Until you hear it again. You stand up and slowly pad to the window, peeling back the curtains. You immediately freeze at the sight.

“Sae-byeok?” You stare at her figure through the rain-streaked window. She’s completely drenched, but it never stopped her from seeing you one last time. You immediately open the window, helping her inside. “Sae, what are you doing? I’m leaving tomorrow!” Your words come out harsher than you’d like, and you're not sure if it’s because you’re confused or because you’re secretly beyond grateful that you get to see her one last time.

“Shut up.” She brushes past you and sits on your bed, and all you can do is stare at her like she’s lost her goddamn mind. “Why are you moving?”

“Why do you care?” You shoot back, but you quickly bite your tongue, because you know one wrong word and every single feeling you’ve developed over the past months will spill out.

“Answer the question.”

You glance at her, barely able to hold eye contact before muttering, “My parents. Something about job opportunities.”

A brief silence falls over the room. The air feels the heaviest it’s ever been, until she cuts through it with her voice. “Are you going to come back?”

Another long silence.

“I don’t know.” You force yourself to look away, not wanting Sae-byeok, out of all people, to see you cry. You feel her eyes burning into the back of your head before she grabs your chin firmly but gently all at once, forcing you to return her gaze. Your name graces her lips like she’s speaking a language only the two of you can understand.

You try to ignore the butterflies that send a ripple through your stomach, but it’s too late. You’re in way too deep. “What?”

She stares directly into your eyes, something soft inside her own, and it only makes the devastating pit in your stomach grow deeper. Yet, she still doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to, because her eyes say it all. That’s when you finally let it out. A quiet sob escapes your lips, and it has no intention of stopping. She watches you fall apart for a second longer before pulling you into her arms, her grip firm around your waist. You don’t care if you’re getting wet from her rain-soaked clothes; the only thing that matters now is finally having the opportunity to be close to her.

You weren’t supposed to fall in love with her. No. That was never the plan. But here you are, crying in her arms like you’ve lived a million lives together. But in reality, you’ve never even lived one. You can taste your tears in your mouth and the longing for what was meant to be, but will soon be something you can only look back on. You reluctantly pull away, admiring how different she looks when her guard is down.

“You okay?” She asks quietly, already knowing the answer but asking anyway.

You respond with a sad smile, another choked sob slipping through your lips betraying your actions. She lies down, tugging on your sleeve to guide you down beside her. You lie next to her, shoulders touching while you stare at the ceiling. There’s something different in the air now. The confusion is settled, but there’s a new wave of regret that takes its place. You turn your head to get another glance of her, but her eyes are focused somewhere on the ceiling. You can’t find it in yourself to look away, though. And when you take Sae-byeok’s hand in yours, she can’t find it in herself to pull away, either. Maybe it’s because of a quiet understanding for each other, something neither of you would ever admit out loud.

Her thumb rubs gentle circles against your skin, slowly but surely soothing you to sleep. Exhaustion takes over timidly, your tears staining your cheeks. You don’t dream that night, a dark void instead occupying your consciousness.

The next morning, you wake to a cold mattress beside you, and the situation hits you like a bullet. You sit up and realize you’re alone again. Sae-byeok left absolutely no trace of being there at all. Your eyes flick from the empty space next to you to the boxes piled in the corner. You can hear your parents rustling downstairs, and the reality finally settles in your stomach. This is happening.

You force yourself to get out of bed, your body feeling ten times heavier than it did last night. You shuffle to the pile of boxes, standing in front of them for a good while before finally picking up a stack. You hesitate a moment longer before you wrap your hand around the doorknob and pull it open. You pad down the stairs, boxes in hand, and glance out the window at the moving truck parked in the driveway. Another round of that familiar discomfort churns in your stomach as each step only brings you closer to your new life.

You open the front door, wind whipping through your hair as soon as you step outside. You haul the boxes into the half-full truck, your thoughts only being broken when your mother appears behind you with her own handful. You wordlessly step out of her way, letting her load the truck while you head back in.

Your dad is in your room when you enter it, taking apart your bed frame. You try not to stare too hard, afraid if you do, those tears from last night will return. So instead, you leave him be and go to the kitchen to get a quick granola bar. You lean against the counter, taking slow, tired bites of the crummy snack when suddenly, the floor becomes a very interesting sight to look at.

An hour later, everything is out of the house and either inside the moving truck or in the trunk of your car. Your parents are scrambling around the house, double-checking everything while you’re back inside your room, sitting on the vacant carpet where you can see exactly where the legs of your bed frame indented into the floor. You put in one earbud, letting the quiet music fill your mind while you wait until the last possible minute to leave.

Your parents call you shortly after, telling you to hurry up so they can get moving. So you stand up, taking one last good look at your room before shutting off the lights and closing the door behind you.

The airport is cold and reeks of citric cleaning chemicals. You’re sitting in the gate lounge, and the seats couldn’t be more uncomfortable. You can faintly hear the people bustling by you during the more hushed parts of your music. You only take your earbuds out when it’s time to board. You pull your boarding pass out of your pocket and stand in the line to board the plane. Once you’re officially in the plane, you search for your seat. 12F. The window seat. You slide into your seat, waiting for everybody to board and for the flight attendant to give the mandatory safety speech. You don’t hear much of it, still lost in your thoughts, still completely bemused by the situation as a whole.

When it’s finally time for takeoff, you click the seatbelt across your lap and exhale heavily. The pressure of the plane forces you back into your seat, and you plug your earbuds back in with trembling hands. The engine vibrates in your chest, and as you feel the incline of the plane, it hits you all over again. The ache in your stomach only grows the higher you get, and it feels like your heart is wilting up inside you. The last memory you have replays through your mind like a broken record. The look Sae-byeok gave you. The one that spoke a million words and more just through expression alone. You stare out the window to break yourself out of that dreadful haze, watching your hometown shrink smaller and smaller until all that remains is a collection of bittersweet memories and a life that could’ve been.

Tag list: @urfav-birdie

The endless rows of boxes of various sizes and colours sit below glass cases, displaying the product inside. The discreet packages aren’t designed to give everything away too soon. One must have the courage to be seen with the box in their hands, and to gently lift the flap, like the cover of a book, and look at the product inside the see-through plastic window. Much like books, it’s hard to lift the cover and not begin imagining the story that could unfold.

The privacy screens on the glass cases restrict the view of anyone not looking directly at it. To avoid confusion, Sae-Byeok walks directly behind you the entire time, with her hand on your shoulder, guiding you down the narrow, overstimulating, hallway that displays, what must be, every form of sex toy that has ever existed.

The two of you make your way down slowly, starting at the displays closest to the entrance of the store. Though not many people are inside, the uneasy feeling of being watched from people walking around the mall on the outside prompts you to try and follow the corridor down faster. Sae-Byeok on the other hand, doesn’t care, and doesn’t allow it.

“In a rush? Think you’re too good for the basics?”, she asks, and not as quietly as you’d like. She’s not looking at you, but the glass in front of the both of you. You look ahead at the dildos standing inside. They’re what one would imagine as a strap for lesbians. They’re flesh coloured, not majorly detailed, simple. Maybe something that a couple like you and Sae-Byeok should buy, to get started with. You’re ready to upgrade from mouths and hands, but not ready for anything crazy.

You look at the middle-sized dildo in the window. The vision of your girlfriend wearing this is a pleasant thought. It matches her skin, and it doesn’t look like it would be painful for you. You look up and over your shoulder at your girlfriend, whose focused gaze isn’t broken when you look at her. What could she be thinking?

She slowly slides the thick cock in your mouth. Your hands tremble, but stay exactly where instructed, on either side of her hips. She thrusts forward and back in a painstakingly slow and unpredictable rhythm, moaning and revelling in the way that your eyebrows turn more and more inwards with every move. With a particularly deep thrust, a shiver rushes up your back and makes you straighten, the little gasp you make vibrating through the fake cock that fills your mouth. Your hands gently protest, pushing her away instinctively as she hits the back of your throat. She does not like this.

She moves your hands from her hips to her ass. With one hand firmly planted on each cheek, pushing her away becomes impossible, the only move possible for you being to pull her even closer, and the cock even deeper. Exactly how she wants it. When you look up at her, she’s already looking down at you, sucking in her teeth at the view of the girth of her new dick filling your mouth and making its imprints on your cheeks. Suck in harder, she tells you. You obey without hesitation, sucking harder and getting an instant reaction from her, as though she can feel you. You hadn’t practiced breathing through your nose yet, and the faster that Sae-Byeok pushed her strap in you, the harder it was becoming to not choke. As though by magic, she reads your mind and slows down, pulling herself out of you, then back in, but slower. She runs her fingers through your hair. The affectionate act prompts you to let out a satisfied hum, grateful that she’s taking such good care of you. The feeling of her hand in your hair makes your thighs tingle, however, the warm feeling in your chest drops lower down your body when the big hand on your head gets tangled in your hair, and pulls you closer towards her crotch. The move wasn’t as loving as it seemed, and before you realise your lips are touching the cold metal buckles of her strap.

“Sae-Byeok?”, you ask. She blinks and looks down at you, no longer directly behind you, with her hand on your shoulder, but instead at least two feet to the right, with your whole arm extended to hold her hand. You’ve been analysing the prices of the products and telling her about them for the past several minutes, but your words seem to have fallen flat.

She gives one last startled glance at the products behind the glass in front of her, and then slowly takes the few steps necessary to be, once again standing behind you.

“Are you… okay?”, you quietly ask. “Do you want to leave?” She raises her eyebrows and quickly shakes her head ‘no’. You’ll keep the cost-benefit analysis to yourself.

After taking a brief look at the increasingly more expensive toys, you look up at the glass window behind which stand much bigger, purple dildos. The price tracks, these are much more realistic, they have veins, the ends of them are shaped and even a little slit is moulded in the tip of them. They seem a little intense to you, especially as the first purchase, but you’re open to the idea and certainly trust your girlfriend to make sure everything is pleasurable to you. As your gaze falls down to the black boxes at waist height, to look at the price options, Sae-Byeok, presumably unintentionally, pushes herself against your back. The curvature of your butt fits like a puzzle piece against her groin. You quickly glance to either side, and see that there is a couple where you stood a few minutes ago, but they are deep in conversation and likely don’t see Sae-Byeok pushing herself up against you… for some reason.

The veins on the purple dildo are life changing, and send electrifying pulses all over your body every single time that Sae-Byeok moves. The stretch of her new dick alone would be enough to send you cumming, but the ridges and tip of this purple beast all hit previously untouched territory inside of you. Your tits rub furiously against the table she bent you over, but the friction doesn’t hurt, or maybe it does? You wouldn’t notice either way. Sae-Byeok runs her hands down your arms, making them shiver, and pulls them together behind your back. You have no choice but to completely succumb to her every whim, going randomly faster before slowing down and focusing on deep, before speeding things back up and pulling all the way out of you just to slam it all back in. If someone heard the gasps that she forces out of you, they’d think you’re receiving the most shocking news of a lifetime. They wouldn’t know that you lie there motionless, feet barely touching the ground, while your girlfriend fills you to the brim. Sae-Byeok was taking complete care of you, your only job was to keep your head up and not bite your lip, and you were failing at both. “Bite your lip one more fucking time”, she spits out, using her hold on your arms to slam you towards her. Unfortunate, that she needed to keep telling you this. She continuously reiterates how desperate and whiny you sound, and how much she needs to her every bit of it. How dare you deny her of that!

She uses her free hand to slap it down on your ass, and thankfully for you, you managed to let your bottom lip free from your teeth just a millisecond before, allowing her the full pleasure of hearing your clear moan. She quietly curses at the sound and keeps her hand on your ass. She way that your pussy takes her dildo in its entirety allows for the perfect fit on your ass against her groin. The feeling and the sight is absolutely intoxicating her, and the light-headedness she feels from looking at you makes her indecisive. Hand on your shoulder, to push herself in deeper? On your ass, as a constant warning to not disobey her again? In your hair, tugging your head up every time you let it fall? She remains unsettled on all the equally fantastic options, and keeps her hand on your ass cheek, pulling it apart to watch as you swallow her purple cock whole.

Your unintentionally seductive groan seems to snap her back to reality much better than calling her name, despite it being a groan of annoyance. You let go of her hand seconds ago, and moved along without her. She stood there still as you looked further down the hallway, admiring the endless range of toys at your disposal, but dreading the hours it may take for the two of you to get through everything if Sae-Byeok continues at this pace. The way she rips her eyes away from the purple and veiny products looks like it hurt her. She sheepishly trots towards you, having to do so for several seconds before eventually getting to where you stand.

She returns to her position behind you, but to avoid any more mishaps like the previous mindless grinding she doesn’t even seem she was attempting, you lean your back against her chest. She wraps her arms around your waist and watches your reflection in the glass. You inspect the dildo. It’s the most expensive thing you’ve looked at thus far, but for good reason. It requires a special lube, that looks like cum? You can somehow stuff it inside, then when Sae-Byeok would fuck you, she would be able to release her load into you.

It’s unlike anything you’ve seen before, but it’s intriguing. As you inspect it, you notice Sae-Byeok is looking at you in the reflection. Not at the dildo behind the glass, but at you. You can see that the thoughts behind her eyes must be turbulent, whatever they may be.

You look in the mirror at Sae-Byeok’s hands grasping tightly under your knees. She’s strong; she holds your entire body weight in her arms, only dropping you occasionally… and rhythmically. She snaps her hips upwards, leaning back in the armchair, fucking the thick dildo upwards. You struggle resisting throwing your head back, and even with tears beginning to pool in your eyes, you just cannot stop looking in front of you at the reflection of your girlfriend. Even a meteor wouldn’t be able to break the dead locked gaze she has on the thick dildo disappearing inside of you.

Your moans become increasingly staggered as you reach closer to orgasm, whining and begging unidentifiably for something and simultaneously absolutely nothing. Not a thing that Sae-Byeok could do could make the fire burning in your pussy any hotter, you thought. In a last lazy attempt to stop your girlfriend’s potential edging tricks that could ensue, you almost break a sacred rule, and lift your hand from the armrest of the chair to try and speed up the impending climax. But you don’t make it even close to your tingly clit, before the glowing, electrifying heat spreads over your entire body, and you release. You both do.

With little idea how, and even less energy to find out, Sae-Byeok’s cock releases inside of you, the biggest load either of you have ever seen. The white cum pours out of you with every thrust, covering Sae-Byeok’s entire lap and sliding down her legs. The now ruined chair, covered slippery floor, nor itchy feeling of the lube dripping down her leg bothered her. Her sole focus was on you in the mirror. She slows down her thrusting, and lifts you off her. You lean back and lay against her chest, with your head on her shoulder and your cheek touching hers. You look identical to each other in that moment, both with sweat covering your upper lips, and with your mouths slightly agape, looking in the exact same spot in the mirror: at the white substance gushing out of you.

You’ve had enough of the trip. Sae-Byeok’s eyes continued to fixate on your reflection in the mirror, and no matter how many times you stick out of your tongue or smile at her, her serious expression never fades. You turn around and gently cup her face in your cold hands, waking her up.

“What do you think, baby? What should we get?”, you sweetly ask. There’s still rows and rows of other things that the two of you could play around with, but for now, what you’ve seen on this trip, feels sufficient to you. Sae-Byeok seemed a little more uncertain of being in here, so you let the final choice be hers. After a second of examining your face, your eyes, your lips, you’re finally graced with an answer.