#saddo

for the next few hours, my guess is that vegas oscillates wildly between having a mental breakdown and suppressing said breakdown to clean up. he seems like the type to attempt to enforce order on his surroundings when his life is falling apart. the whole while, he is also oscillating between hope and despair.

the urge to chase pete is gone, because pete deserved to leave. but the hope that pete might still come back? it's still there, because vegas is the best liar, and the best liars convince themselves that their lie is true. pete deserves to stay away, but pete will come back, because they saw each other. he hurt pete. but he's hurt pete before, and pete has come back. it might take longer this time, and he deserves that, but pete felt something for him, pete offered up his wrists and then grinned at him so contentedly. pete didn't promise he would stay, but pete also touched his cheek so gently before leaving. pete wants to come back, he does, he does, he will.

so vegas looks at himself in the mirror, shirt stained with pete's blood, and he screams. and then he rips off the shirt, stands under the scalding water in the shower and tells himself that he needs to be clean. he needs to clean up all of the food, show pete that he understands what he did wrong, that he is sorry, he's so sorry. he crouches on the floor, puts his head between his knees, breathes rapidly and shallowly. pete isn't coming back. he's alone again. the panic passes, and he gets up and starts cleaning again. if pete comes back, he needs to be ready.

and when he's done cleaning, he's crawling out of his own skin, but he also can't leave to go find pete, pete has to come back to him. that part is important. he doesn't quite get why, but he knows it is.

and he sees all of the remaining ingredients in the fridge after cleaning, and it's almost subconscious. i think that the urge to take care of pete properly, the way he should have, is eating vegas alive from the inside. (top drop, perhaps.) and so that's how he manages to cook a whole meal for two, arrange it so carefully, because if pete does come back - he'll be ready to give pete the whole world.

he sits there, and he waits, and the sun sets, and the food grows cold. and i think he knows, deep down. but by god, he wants it so bad that he can't convince himself it's impossible.

of course, eventually the guard reports back, and then he can't lie to himself anymore. it's over.