#sad!dan

Dan made another phone call after his silent breakdown in the cheese aisle. 

Looking down at the package of cheese in his hand, Dan could feel the tears welling in his eyes and immediately begin to fall. 

It was his first week at university and already he’d been an antisocial hermit, spending the first two days in his room playing video games.

So now when he found himself alone in the shop having no clue what food he should buy or how to cook anything and the realization that he was now all on his own finally hit him, he wasn’t surprised when he inevitably burst into tears in the middle of the cheese aisle. 

He quickly wiped at his face, hoping none of his housemates would see him and think he was even weirder than they probably already thought. He whipped out his phone and dialed the one person he knew could help him at a time like this: his grandma. 

The phone continued to ring and it was by the sixth ring that Dan remembered his gran was at her weekly sudoku club.

Now what was he going to do? He needed to talk. He needed someone to help calm him down and tell him everything would be okay. He didn’t know any of his housemates that well. He didn’t want to call his mum because that would only worry her and his father was probably busy, as usual. Who could he call that would listen and understand and make him feel better?

Phil. Should he call Phil? Was that weird? Was it too needy? It’s not like he hadn’t called Phil to talk when he was upset before. Phil always knew what to say. He knew Phil’s voice - if not his grandma’s - was the only thing that would calm him down right now. 

“Hello?” Phil answered.

“Hi. It’s me.” Dan replied. 

“Hi, bear. How’s fresher’s week going? Hanging in there?” Phil asked.

That just set off more tears and Phil could hear a sniffle from the other end of the phone. 

“Dan? Are you all right?” Phil then asked.

“Not really.” Dan spoke quietly. 

“What’s wrong, bear?” Phil said and Dan could sense his boyfriend’s frown through the phone. 

“Everything. Uni already sucks and I haven’t even been there a week.” Dan told him.

“There?” Phil questioned.

“Yeah, I’m at the shop with my housemates.” Dan said.

“Do you want me to come get you?” Phil asked.

Dan sighed into the phone. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

“Okay. Tell me what happened.” Phil said.

“We decided to come for groceries and we all split up and I just suddenly realized that I’m all alone. I’m on my own now. I don’t know how to live on my own.” Dan said, his voice trembling a bit.

“You’re not on your own, Dan. You have me.” Phil told him.

“Except you’re on the other side of town.” Dan said.

“Once again, do you want me to come get you? Or I could meet you there and help with your shopping.” Phil offered.

Dan took a deep breath. “No, it’s fine. I need to learn how to adult sooner or later.” 

“Dan, listen to me. It’s okay if you don’t know how to do things. You’re still learning and growing up. You are still a teenager, after all.” Phil told him. “Everything is going to be fine. You’re going to learn new things and make new friends and have the best time at university. Then you’re going to graduate and be the best lawyer slash Youtuber in the entire world.” 

Dan smiled. “How do you always know exactly what to say?”

“I try.” Phil said. “If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call me, okay? Like you said, I’m just on the other side of town.” 

“Thank you, Phil.” Dan said.

“Anytime.” Phil said. “Now, get back to shopping. And pick me up some Haribo.” 

Dan giggled. “Will do. Bye.”

“Awrf.” Phil said and hung up the phone. 

This is totally what happened when Dan showed up at Phil’s flat with a suitcase full of laundry. Totally.

It was late in the evening and Phil could hear an insistent knock at his door. He was a bit confused about who it could be as he got up from the couch and answered the door.

He was even more confused when he saw his boyfriend standing there.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Phil asked.

Dan didn’t answer and just walked into Phil’s flat, rolling a suitcase behind him.

Phil was taken aback when he saw it. “Uh, did something happen? Did you drop out? Are you moving in?!” he asked, slightly frantic but mostly confused about why his boyfriend, who was supposed to be at university on the other side of town, was now in his flat at 9:00 at night with a suitcase of all things.

“Yes, no and no.” Dan answered all of Phil’s questions. “I just... I need to use your washing machine.” he said a bit sheepishly.

“Why?” Phil asked.

“I’ll explain while I do my laundry.” Dan said, his assertiveness returning as he headed to where Phil’s washer and dryer were located. 

Phil followed behind him and watched quietly as Dan dumped his laundry into the machine. Dan proceeded to tell him everything he’d witnessed at the laundromat. 

“I didn’t know what to do, so I just came here.” Dan said as he hopped up on the dryer. “Is that okay?”

Phil couldn’t help but chuckle. “Now you ask?” he said, causing Dan’s face to fall. “Dan, I’m kidding, of course it’s okay.”

Dan’s expression didn’t change and Phil knew there was more going on. He placed a hand on Dan’s knee. “How’s your first week been going?” he asked softly.

Dan could finally drop the brave and confident act he’d been putting on all week. “Sucky.” he said, letting his head fall on Phil’s shoulder. 

Phil’s face softened. “I know it can be overwhelming.” 

Dan let out a laugh as he lifted his head back up. “Yeah, clearly you’re overwhelmed when you break down crying in a fucking ASDA.” 

“Wait, what?” Phil asked, concern in his voice.

“I wasn’t going to tell you that.” Dan said. 

Phil squeezed Dan’s knee. “Dan, you can tell me anything.” 

“I was just embarrassed, I guess. I thought I could handle moving out and going to uni and being an adult, but I haven’t done too great so far.” he said, lowering his head. 

“Dan, listen to me.” Phil said as he lifted Dan’s chin so their eyes met. “This is only the first week. You’ll get the hang of it eventually. You just need to pace yourself.”

“Yeah, but I can’t even do my fucking laundry by myself.” Dan muttered.

“No, you just had a bad experience. So, it’s a good thing I’m just across town. I’m here if you need anything.” Phil told him.

Dan looked at him. “Thank you.” he said. “And thanks for putting up with me. I kind of just barged into your flat and started using your washing machine.”

Phil giggled as he placed his hands on Dan’s waist. “I’m glad you’re here.” he spoke softly. 

“Me too.” Dan said before giving Phil a kiss.  

When they pulled apart, Dan was frowning. “I’ll have to get going when this load finishes.” he said.

“No, you’re not.” Phil simply said.

“Phil, I have to. I have class tomorrow.” Dan told him.

“Then you can leave tomorrow morning.” Phil said. “I’ve missed you since you left for uni.” he pouted. “Besides, I’m not letting you take a cab back there this late at night by yourself.”

“I’m perfectly capable of taking a cab, Phil. I’m a man! I know how to use a cordless hammer drill!” Dan bragged while Phil laughed. 

“Thanks to me.” Phil spoke smugly.

“Shut up!” Dan said, laughing with him.

“I know you’re capable, but as your concerned and lonely boyfriend, I’m still not letting you leave tonight.” Phil told him. 

Dan felt as if he was turning into complete mush at the realization of how much Phil clearly cared about him. 

“Okay.” Dan finally agreed. “Thank you, again. For everything.”

In which Dan falls into such a spiraling existential crisis he goes mute and Phil misses his voice. 

Words: 1.1k

He can’t take it anymore. It’s 9pm and this has been going on since 1:00, when Dan finally stumbled out of bed.

At first, he passed it off as Dan just being tired, maybe a little grumpy after just getting up. No good morning - or good afternoon, in this case. Phil sat in the lounge hearing Dan rummage through the kitchen and that’s when he remembered he may have munched on a little too much of Dan’s cereal that morning. Great, first no good morning, now there’d be yelling. When 10 minutes went by and Phil didn’t hear a word from Dan, he got up and made his way to the kitchen to see it now empty with just a bowl in the sink. He heard Dan’s bedroom door close.

At 2:00, Dan had finally joined Phil in the lounge, sinking into the sofa crease while in browsing position. The two sat in silence, scrolling through their laptops until Phil audibly laughed at a new meme. “Dan, you’ve got to see this.” he said as he turned his laptop to face Dan. Dan simply looked at the screen before turning back to his own. “Hey, are you all right?” Dan didn’t respond. “You’re mad about the cereal, aren’t you?” Phil winced, but Dan shook his head. “Then what’s wrong?” Dan looked over at Phil and wanted to answer. He desperately wanted to answer, but just couldn’t bring himself to. He sighed and turned back to his laptop.

By 3:00, Phil finally knew what was wrong when he found Dan lying on the floor in the hallway. “Another existential crisis.” Phil realized. “Do you need anything? Want some chocolate?” Chocolate always made Dan feel better. Dan shook his head, his face rubbing against the carpet. “All right, well, let me know if you need anything.” Phil said before walking away and leaving Dan to it.

Dan spent from 3:00-5:00 lying on the floor and Phil figured he had to be hungry by now. “Hey, Dan, I thought we could order pizza for dinner. What kind would you like?” Dan didn’t respond; he didn’t even acknowledge Phil’s presence. “All right, well, one pizza topped with crickets, coming up!” Dan didn’t laugh. 

The pizzas arrived by 6:00 and they were now back in the lounge. Phil flipped through the channels on the TV. “What do you want to watch?” he asked, knowing he probably wasn’t going to get an answer. “Oh, look what’s on!” he then said as he settled on a channel. High School Musical 2 - this brought back memories. He remembered the Manchester days, when he and Dan would make fun of the Disney movie and pretend to cringe at it even though they both secretly enjoyed it. “Bet On It” was currently playing on TV and Phil knew it was coming. Any second, Dan was going to join in with Zac Efron and start singing it; he always did. Bet on it, Bet on it, Bet on it... The song ended and Dan didn’t sing a word; he didn’t even bob his head. 

By 7:00, High School Musical had ended, they’d finished their dinner and Dan was back to browsing while Phil cleaned up the flat a bit. He was worried about Dan, but he didn’t want to annoy him by hovering or asking him questions. The only thing he could do was try to distract Dan; try to get him to talk. “Hey, want to film a gaming video? I miss Dil.” Dan looked up at Phil, a glint of eagerness apparent in Dan’s eyes. Phil could tell Dan wanted to, but then it faded and Dan shook his head before turning back to his laptop. “Well, we don’t have to film. Want to play some Mario Kart?” Phil asked as he grabbed the controllers. Dan sighed and put out his hand, accepting Phil’s offer. Phil smiled as he handed Dan the controller and they played, their personal Dan vs. Phil. The only problem was, Phil managed to get ahead of Dan without even trying. Dan’s head wasn’t in the game and he’d yet to complain and curse about Phil beating him. This was the game Dan prided himself on, was he really that far gone that he didn’t care he was losing Mario Kart? Phil’s previous smile quickly turned into a frown. 

They were finished by 8:00 and Dan had retreated back to his spot on the floor in the hallway. And that brings us to 9:00. Dan was sat in silence in the hall and Phil was sat in silence in the lounge. He’d tried distracting himself, but he couldn’t help but worry. But more than that, he missed Dan. He missed Dan’s voice. The flat was usually filled with Dan’s loud banter, his off-the-wall cursing, his contagious laugh and his annoyingly wonderful singing. But not today. Phil didn’t realize how quiet their flat actually was. He felt lonely. Dan was there - he’d been there all day - but he wasn’t really there. It all reminded Phil of a Troye Sivan song.

Phil looked at the clock that read 9:15pm. He got up and made his way into the hallway where Dan lay face-up on the floor. Without saying a word, Phil got down and lay beside Dan. There was silence for a moment, both of them looking up at the ceiling, the old apartment filled with cracks and dents. “I see an elephant,” he said as he pointed to some cracks on the ceiling. “What about you?” he asked as he looked over at Dan, who remained silent. Phil couldn’t take it anymore. “I’ve missed you today.” he blurted out. “I’ve missed your voice.” Dan looked at Phil. “Please, will you talk to me? Talk to me about stupid memes. Laugh at the dumb things I say. Sing cringy High School Musical songs at the top of your lungs. Hell, yell at me for stealing your cereal.” he rambled. “I know you’re having a crisis and I feel bad, but you know you can talk to me.” he continued. “Just tell me. Say anything.” 

Dan looked at Phil with wide eyes and took a deep breath. “That meme from this morning was so funny and High School Musical is so ridiculous but Zac Efron is really cute and thank you for not actually getting crickets on the pizza and I can’t believe you ate my fucking cereal again.” he rattled off, as if he’d been unwillingly holding it in all day. “And I’ve missed you too.”

Phil couldn’t help but laugh, relieved to finally be hearing Dan’s voice. 

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten you beat me at Mario Kart, you fucking spork.”

You're always there to catch me

Genre: Fluff (with a bit of existential crisis in the first bit)

Author’s Note: Ok so I had three different fic ideas and they all turned out to be too short to post by themselves, so I put them all together and got this.