#s61

Kanaya seeks counsel from the Knight of Time, who (possibly accidentally) lets slip some good advice...

...and their relationship finally starts to blossom.

You put into motion a cunning plan in your SEVENTH CONVERSATION, in which you have attached a MISSION CRITICAL TEXT DOCUMENT.

We get a treat I didn't expect - a copy of the legendary document, ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt!

It's incredible. Kanaya presented it to Rose as a transcript of a future conversation, subtly doctored to trick Rose into following a time loop.

What it actually is is an obviously doctored transcript, where Kanaya Tactically Omits every awkward interaction, and edits Rose's responses with her typing quirk.

Kanaya isn't trying to hide her edits - which makes this document less of a clever trick, and more of a genuine attempt by Kanaya to communicate something to Rose.

TT: i am the queen of books. TT: I Am Also Infuriatingly Aloof TT: And Difficult To Engage With TT: When Maybe All The Other Person Wants To Do Is Maybe To Try To Be My Friend

"I Want To Get To Know You."

TT: it's hard to keep track with all your time nonsense. TT: Am I Being Sincere Here TT: In Retrospect It Will Probably Seem Unlikely To My Current Conversational Partner

"I Am Trying Really Hard To Understand You."

TT: because i am basically in love with him, you are right. TT: It Is At This Point I Admit To Flushed Longings For The Ignoramus Who Likes Terrible Films TT: I Am Doing This Only To Bother You

"When You Joked About Liking John It Bothered Me. You Can Probably Figure Out Why."

TT: Why Would I Even Be Saying Things Like This TT: Of Course TT: I Have Been So Foolish TT: It Is Because I Am Trolling You TT: I Wonder Where I Could Have Possibly Gotten The Idea To Do That In The First Place

"I Know We Got Off On The Wrong Foot, But It Was Mostly Because Of Time Loop Nonsense."

ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt is so ironic, it's tipped over into sincerity - and it's asking a very simple question.

"I Like You. Can We Start Again?"

In their next conversation, Rose provides an answer.

I love that Karkat prepared dossiers on the kids' personalities, presumably to harass them as efficiently as possible. We've never seen him talk to Rose, so I like to think he learned about her sarcasm from her passive-aggressive games with Mom.

GA: You Have Notes On Them [...] GA: Thats Why Youre Our Leader Karkat CG: NO, I'M YOUR LEADER BECAUSE OF MY INCREDIBLE TACTICAL SKILLS AND MY ABILITY TO MOBILIZE AND MOTIVATE A BUNCH OF USELESS PEOPLE TOWARD A COMMON GOAL, AND BECAUSE I'M EXTREMELY AMBITIOUS AND INTREPID. ALSO BECAUSE LEADERSHIP IS IN MY BLOOD. WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.

I'm actually with Karkat on this. Uniting the trolls was an achievement, and he managed it better than most of his friends would have.

The only other trolls who might have had a shot were Terezi or Kanaya - but Kanaya was distracted by quadrant shenanigans, and Terezi likes causing problems on purpose. Plus, she wasn't interested in being the leader.

Karkat doesn't exactly give off 'inspiring leader' vibes, but he rose to the occasion magnificently. He got trolls like Vriska, Equius and Eridan to act as a unit, and it's frankly astounding that it worked as well as it did.

GA: Have You Talked To Her CG: WHO GA: The Rose Human GA: Also GA: Do We Really Have To Say Things Like The Rose Human CG: OF COURSE WE DO. CG: IT SOUNDS SUITABLY DISDAINFUL. CG: I MEAN, IF A BUNCH OF ALIENS STARTED HASSLING YOU, YOU WOULD EXPECT THEM TO ACT REALLY HIGH AND MIGHTY, AND SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY, RIGHT?.

Humans are, basically, cousins to the trolls - and the first thing the trolls did was try to obfuscate that fact. I think Karkat's motive was to make them sound intimidating, but they ended up just sounding like cartoon characters. Not that I'm complaining.

CG: DID YOU WANT TO TROLL HER? ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING? [...] GA: Im Not Sure If Ive Got It In Me Right Now CG: COME ON. YOU'LL BE GREAT AT IT. CG: PLEASE JUST DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME. WE'VE GOT TO STAY COORDINATED ON THIS. CG: TOO MANY OF THESE FUCKS ARE GOING ROGUE.

Karkat may have united the trolls, but I think his leadership died with the Black King. He said it himself - his strength was in motivating the trolls to a common goal. Out here in the Veil, there is no more goal, and things are rapidly unraveling.

CG: I'LL EXPECT A FULL REPORT SOON. GA: A Report About What [...] CG: HOW HASSLED YOU GOT HER TO BE CG: BUT LESS STUPID SOUNDING THAN THAT. GA: Is There A Metric For That Concept [...] CG: WE CAN GAUGE YOUR RESULTS WITH THE "FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER".

And I don't think Project Trolling was just a way for Karkat to vent his frustrations, either. I mean, that's definitely what he thinks it is, but if it was just that, he'd be doing it alone.

GA: That Seems Just As Disparaging To Me As It Is To Her CG: YEAH WELL CG: USE IT AS MOTIVATION

He's doing it to motivate the other trolls. A part of him has realized that his team has lost direction, and he's subconsciously trying to provide them a new goal - something new to unite them.

Because what happens if the trolls aren't united?

Blood, mostly.

AG: What the fuck are you doing now! EB: i am going to blast off and fly a little higher, to see if i can find nanna up there! [...] AG: I know that's what you're going to do. AG: You're just not supposed to do it now!

She needn't worry. Vriska is in contact with Alpha John, and will never observe him doing anything he's not supposed to.

Not unless she really fucks something up.

EB: i will find out what your name is, i am tricky and i have ways. AG: Pffffffff, dou8t it.

It wouldn't be hard. You could just ask Karkat, who is probably past caring at this point. Terezi, too - she'd happily share Vriska's name if she thought it'd make things difficult for her.

EB: has it occurred to you that i might be wasting so much time because you keep pestering me telling me how much time i'm wasting? EB: and then when i'm about to make progress you tell me i am doing the wrong thing!

These sentences don't really scan, at first glance.

They make grammatical sense, and we understand John's problem on an abstract level, but it was probably quite difficult to translate it into clear English - especially with the added challenge of doing it in John's voice.

We simply don't have the vocabulary in English to clearly describe the Vriska/John predestination problem, and when we try to do so, it inevitably sounds clunky. It's a funny little issue, and one that time-travel stories often run into. I wonder if there are any conlangs out there that rectify it?

AG: Look, you are a8out to make yourself a new outfit, and THEN you will fly up and install the game.

It's about time. I suggested body armor before, but a powergamer like Vriska could probably come up with something even better.

EB: what is a boy skylark? AG: It is the most terri8le, gutless class for wimpy losers, ones who have no idea how to handle themselves when a girl talks to them and stuff.

When a girl-

Kanaya was the one to name Rose? Does this mean all the 'Homestuck Player' actions from Act 1 were trolls all along?

This was a mechanic I had long since dismissed as a quirk of early Homestuck, back before its rules had been solidified. I love that even old mysteries like this can come full-circle.

It also means this was definitely Karkat.

GA: I Am A Troll From Another Universe Using A Chat Client Utility Which Is Capable Of Contacting You And Your Friends At Any Point Of Your Lives Which I Choose Up To And Including The Moment Of Your Own Incompetence Fueled Self Destruction

Imagine if this was the first message we'd seen from a troll, back in Act 3. It would've taken me half a dozen posts just to digest the implications!

GT: you are a time traveling space alien from the future, sent here to study humans? GA: No GT: are you from mars? is it a mission of peace? GA: No John You Werent Listening GT: what does your time machine look like? a phone booth? phone booths are a popular thing for some reason. GA: Damn It

Well, you were looking for a way to make this interesting. Whatever else you can say about the John Egbert stream-of-consciousness, it's certainly never boring.

GT: were you lured to earth by a huge gyroscopey thing that jodie foster piloted in contact, while matthew mcconaughey sort of acted as her spiritual guide i guess… GA: What The Hell GT: and then he kind of preached to her about having faith instead of believing in the sciences so hard all the time, and i guess in the end she believed him, maybe? GT: actually, im not even sure what the point of mcconaughey was in that movie. but he was still awesome. GT: and then jodie found her dad on an alien planet... but i think he was a ghost or something? or maybe an alien in disguise.

I feel like I'm getting spoiled for Contact, which I've never seen - but I'm also learning that Contact is apparently buckwild enough that spoilers don't matter.

GA: Im A Girl Not A Boy GT: oh, sorry. GT: i don't know why i thought you were. GA: It Happens

Especially on a planet where dimorphism doesn't appear to matter. I feel like troll gender expression would be more about presentation than physical traits, in a manner similar to Discworld dwarfs.

GT: were you trolling rose too? [...] GA: I Just Spoke To Her In The Future GA: [...] She Said To Paste Something From Our Conversation

That was John, actually - and just before that, he told you to message him in a way that would make the ensuing conversations as convoluted as possible.

So far, you're succeeding with flying colors, and copypasting predestined messages is just the icing on the cake.

GA: Now Im Wondering If You Might Be Trolling Me As Well GT: ok well, just between you and me… GT: SOMEONE here is getting trolled. GT: and it just might be all three of us.

You begin trolling the Rose human, even though you aren't really feeling this at all. You can't seem to figure out how to get the viewport feature to work. You muddle through the FIRST CONVERSATION blind.

Part of Kanaya was expecting a badass warrior. Another part was expecting a complete failure of a Player.

No part of her was expecting this.

The FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER ticks a few notches in her favor.

I love that she's actually using Karkat's meter. Kanaya is nothing if not dutiful.

How underwhelming.

Suuuuuuuure.

Skin as white as a ghost!

You're a vampire fan, for cryinoutloud!

Oh my god, haha.

I don't know what the human equivalent of a bucket-on-the-head prank would be, but I know it'd be age-restricted on YouTube.

You win this round, Lalonde.

Ok, you will have to admit that is a nice outfit. Humans get points for fashion too.

Kanaya,,,,,,

You proceed to have your SECOND CONVERSATION.

This is Kanaya's first actual conversation with Rose.

This is an early Kanaya, so we know she's still pissed off. She might warm to Rose later on, but at this point, she's still full of venom, and mercilessly trolls h-

Alright, never mind.

We've explored this conversation's dynamics before, and we all know how this story is going to end. It's a lot of fun to watch, though.

You feel pretty good about your effort. It was a measured balance of barbs and condescension. Your leader will be pleased with the report.

And she's actually reporting to Karkat, which is honestly pretty sweet. Kanaya knows how despondent he's feeling right now, and he deserves at least one win.

You skip ahead to a point on her timeline when you suspect friendship may plausibly have been established already. You have your THIRD CONVERSATION. It does not go as well as you'd hoped.

Trouble in paradise!

This is a post-Davesprite Rose. She's absorbed her alt-self, begun her service to the dark gods, and generally has a lot more going on than the last time Kanaya checked in. She gives her the cold shoulder.

I still don't know how much of her mood here is real, and how much is an act she's putting on to satisfy a time loop. On reflection, I think it's mostly real - after all, Rose has had a rough couple of hours.

Your FOURTH, FIFTH, AND SIXTH CONVERSATIONS don't fare much better. This friendship is stalling fast. What are you doing wrong?

Anyway, Kanaya is hurt. She has three conversations that have been alluded to before. We don't get to see them, but they sound just as fruitless as the one above, which implies that Rose's bad mood is here to stay.

1990 Bradley S61

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