#s14codas

He’s still there when Dean wakes up.

Dean blinks, yawns into Cas’ thigh before he realizes that it’s been his cushion all night. Embarrassment travels up his spine, a red flush that Cas had called beautiful once, when they’d washed dishes together and Dean’s face had burned after dropping the same plate twice.

But before he can lift his head from Cas’ lap, Cas presses his hand to the nape of his neck.

“I was just about to wake you,” he says.

Dean grumbles, or at least pretends to grumble, even though the only thing on his mind is the way that Cas’ fingers are resting gently on his head. Cas’ thumb moves, a soothing stroke along his hairline that sends a smattering of goosebumps across his skin, but when Dean shivers, Cas stops.

As if suddenly self-conscious, Cas pulls his fingers away.

“I think I need to leave, Dean,” he says. “I think I need to ‘stretch my legs’ and maybe—maybe...”

He trails off. Scratches his neck and clasps his hands together like he doesn’t know what to do with them.

“Still worried about the kid, huh?”

Cas nods, and Dean pulls himself up in bed. He’s not sure when Cas took their conversation about Jack’s snake skills as an invitation to stay the night, but he supposes it’s sort of his fault for falling asleep in the middle of it.

“Dean, I just need—”

“A breather?”

“Yes.” 

They’re quiet for a moment, and then Cas shifts, makes a move to leave. The mattress groans in retaliation and Dean follows, trails behind him to the door, but when Cas looks like he’s gonna rush out, Dean catches him by the arm.

“When are you coming back?”

Cas quivers. He turns around, slow, floorboards creaking in rhythm with his feet.

Cas’ eyes are unforgivably blue, his gaze furtive as he licks his lips and Dean shamelessly follows the path of his tongue. Cas wanders a step nearer, maybe a little too near because he ends up three inches from bumping noses with Dean. 

Dean’s throat goes dry. 

Cas lets out a small sound, a wavering exhale that ghosts over Dean’s mouth.

“Cas?” he says.

Dean winces, wants to cover his ears as his voice rumbles, unsuitable noise for the silence surrounding them. Cas sways again, a smidgen more in Dean’s direction, and god knows what comes over him. Dean swallows, lets out a shaky breath before he closes his eyes and leans forward, chases Cas’ lips just as Cas takes another step back.

When nothing meets Dean’s mouth, Dean looks at him again.

“Soon,” Cas says, voice wavering like before. 

I’ll be back soon.  

He doesn’t mean to follow. He knows that he shouldn’t. But the longing that tugs at his heart leads him to Dean, anyway.

“No,” Dean says, distraught as soon as he sees him. Cas stops where he is, pretends that he doesn’t see Dean’s swollen eyes, pretends that he doesn’t hear his voice, a mere hiccup in his throat. Dean raises his hands over his face, tries to hide, but a strangled sob erupting from his throat gives him away. “Y-You weren’t supposed to...”

Dean’s lips quiver. 

“I can go,” Cas promises but he takes a small step forward despite himself, extends his hand. “Dean, I can go, but I won’t—”

I won’t tell anyone. You can tell me to stay.

So maybe it’s that assurance that does Dean in. Cas takes those few steps, only means to sit beside him in the rain, in the woods, in this place where they can mourn together. But as soon as he’s close enough, Dean fists his hands into his coat, clambers into his lap and buries his face into his chest, lets out a sound so miserable that it has a lump rising in Cas’ own throat.

Quietly, he holds Dean while he cries.

“I want my mom,” Dean croaks, after what feels like hours have passed. “Cas, damn it, I want my mom.” 

“I know,” Cas says, tightens his arms around him, smooths back Dean’s hair and rocks him ever so slightly. “I wish...”

But he can’t voice it.

In the end, he doesn’t know how long they stay there. It’s long enough for the night to grow colder, long enough that even Dean stops shivering. Long enough that when he presses a kiss to Dean’s forehead, it doesn’t seem so out of place.

Dean leans into it. Dean digs his fingers into Cas’ back and clings to him, buries his face into the crook of Cas’ neck and breathes, “Please, Cas, please.”

So Cas kisses him again, right below his ear and Dean lets out a sigh, a breath so heavy that he must have been holding it in ever since she died.

Cas wants things to change. Cas thinks that they will. They head back to the Impala with their fingers entwined, but as soon as they’re in the bunker, Dean’s face turns stoic once more, a flask of whiskey already at his lips.  

Maybe he’s hoping for a Clark Kent moment when he slips in after Sam, wearing the thick-framed glasses, as if he can hide from the bunker’s new occupants like Superman hides.

It doesn’t really fool anyone.

“I didn’t know you needed glasses,” Mom says, when she spots him, and he grins, maybe a little too cheekily because she rolls her eyes and slaps his arm. “Castiel’s back,” she adds, casual, and he nods, glad, but avoids her look. When he bumps into Cas just outside his bedroom, Cas frowns at him.

Dean waits there, a little bit of nervousness working its way into his gut when Cas’ frown turns into a suspicious squint that lasts a few seconds too long. Dean shifts on his feet, then decides to just go with it.

“Hi,” he says, extending his hand and Cas’ glare doesn’t budge in the slightest. “I’m Clark, reporter for the Daily Plan—”

Before Dean can get another word in, Cas slams him up against the wall. 

“Bed,” Cas growls. “Now.”    

.

Okay, so maybe Dean got a little excited, because when he heard Bed, he wasn’t really thinking along these lines.

He sits politely on the edge of the mattress while Cas paces back and forth, rambling about how disastrous his hunt with Jack was. “I’m not a role model, Dean!” he says. “I’m not a good hunter.”

And they hash it out over another horror movie and microwaved pizza, and Sam’s probably gonna come in and nag later, but curled up beside Cas, Dean can’t really find it in himself to care. He throws an arm around Cas’ shoulders, content, hands out muffled advice as he talks through a mouthful of popcorn, and Cas calms down when Dean promises to tag along on the kid’s next hunt.

When the movie’s over, Cas remembers Dean’s glasses and squints at him again.

Three seconds pass. 

Dean fights the urge to kiss him.

Then, nonchalant, “You are very adorable,” Cas says and a flush makes its way up Dean’s neck.

AHH and now with your enthusiasm, I can’t wait to post it!! here’s a tentative spoiler! this is the summary that I’ll likely be using for it:

He thinks that maybe Cas doesn’t notice. He thinks thatmaybe he’s safe when he touches him,when he lets himself linger, so close that their hands brush (it’s the barest touch,but god, it burns).  

So maybe that’s why Dean lets himself wander into Cas’space. Maybe that’s why Dean shields Cas’ body with his own, as if he can somehowhide the sight of Jack writhing in bed. When Rowena delivers the bad news, he pressesup against Cas from behind, lets himself lean into his back, desperate tohold him.

He does it because he thinks that Cas won’t notice.

But Cas does.

And then, turning to face him, “What are youdoing, Dean?” he says.

ahhh awesome! you’re on the list now! <3

Done!! You’re on the list <3