#ryan howard

Follows you around like, everywhere. There's no real reason why; he usually doesn't even say anything, he just trails behind you as you do stuff. He says it's because he's avoiding work, which, while that's probably true, we all know he could avoid work at his desk.

Keeps trying to convince you to dress like him so you guys will look like a 'power couple, ' but whenever you ask him how exactly you're supposed to dress like him, he gatekeeps every brand he's ever worn. You go through his tags just to scare him in conversations by casually name-dropping his brands.

Lets you have the aux because it's the only way he can listen to actually good, not niche music, without admitting to himself that he likes it better than his underground stuff. Whenever you play his stuff, he starts rambling on about how he knows you don't even want to listen to this, so don't pretend, you'll never be as niche as him, and didn't you bring that stupid Taylor Swift album or some girly stuff like that?

Stares at you like a coked-up maniac on the street might--the blue eyes don't help.

Keeps telling you you should do this or that, like stop wearing a color because it doesn't match your natural palette, but gets really sad and dramatically poetic when you actually do it, telling you not to change yourself.

Wastes so much of his salary buying you overpriced coffee and artisan bagels.

Worries about you very quickly, especially when it comes to stress or emotional things. Immediately jumps to the worst possible conclusion and overcompensates to calm you down, while being way more stressed out himself and still trying to act like he's the calm and reasonable one in the conversation.

Needs an embarrassing amount of validation and loyalty from you, but will never admit to it.

'Keeping things on the DL' really means subtly trying to get people to guess who he's fucking in the office without ever telling them. He just wants them to be curious about him.

You told him once that you thought his outfit was stupid, and he defended it so hard in the moment, then proceeded to never wear it again.

Really quiet about you on camera. Like, if asked, he straight-up will not speak. He seems to think it's nonchalant of him.

Can't help himself from half-smiling at you when he looks at you. Tries to play it off when he realizes someone's looking.

Asks you to spot him at the gym like twice a week at least. Maybe he's subtly showing off that he's a gym rat, or maybe he's trying to convince you to come so he can show how much he reps. Either way, it's ill-disguised peacocking.

Surprisingly listens to what you say a lot and takes your advice, although, usually, he'll put on a fake argument before he does, just to prove he's technically right, even though he's following your ideas.

Really loves being soft and affectionate, but will never initiate it. Relies heavily on you to grab his hand or kiss him on the cheek or smile at him from across the room, and gets kind of pouty and quiet if you don't, because, whatever, he doesn't care anyway.

You did a couple's costume for Halloween, and he was extremely passionate about it to an almost-perfectionist level.

You make fun of other couples together, and then do literally exactly what you were making fun of them for--but it's okay because you aren't them.

He is surprisingly cooperative to whatever weird plan or idea you have, and is very determined to carry it out, even if he thinks it's dumb at first, which extends to pranks. You've brought up how he totally parallels Jim when he does that, but you quickly learned to shut up about it, because it makes him a lot less likely to agree to whatever you come up with next time, at least not without grumbling.